Well today my anxiety level was so low…PHEW! Maybe this is the end of it; I’ve been praying for it to go away and now I’m praying for it to stay away. Things have been settling around the house. The boys are back to school and everyone seems to be happy and settling in nicely. This, in and of itself eases my mind.
Yesterday was quite a day; it was one thing after another, both negative and positive. By the time I got home I was drained just from all the emotional flip flopping at work. When I arrived home I needed to rush to feed the boys and get the house straightened for Bible Study.
Last night was our last gathering for Bible Study, the group lasted just about a year, we made it through Matthew Chapter 18 (I believe), and I learned more about Christianity than I did in all the years I went to Catholic school. And the things that I learned about myself…wow! It was an amazing experience. I’ve had so many life changing experiences in the past 3 years but this one has had the greatest impact on me.
I was sad that it ended. I was struggling to figure why I was sad knowing I have other options to continue with my spiritual growth. I could only narrow it down to one thing. I am just flat out afraid. I’m so afraid that when all of the things that got me to the point come to an end I will undo what I’ve done and what so many others helped me to do. I have yet to convince myself that I am deserving of the many things and the help I received over the last few years. Whenever I felt this way, in the past, I would go into a self sabotage mode.
The question is, will I actually allow that to happen? Well, I feel stronger these days; I have more confidence now then I’ve ever had. My faith in God is stronger than it’s ever been. With these 3 things I can’t imagine that I would fall victim to my fear of undoing what has been done. Although I’m struggling with a couple of things right now, I am happy, I’m beyond blessed, and I’m surrounded by amazing people. I won’t let this happen and I’m pretty sure no one around me will let it happen.
So what do I do now? Maybe I should slap the negative thoughts out of my head. Remind myself that I am NOT the same person I was a few years ago. Realize that I am stronger, confident, and proud of who I am. Most importantly I need to keep moving forward; I need to stop “stunting my own growth” whether it be spiritually, mentally, physically, and/or emotionally.
I wanted a better understanding about why I developed this fear so I would be able to determine how to “conquer” it. So I researched a bit and this is what I came up with:
According to the Merriam Webster online dictionary, the definition of fear is: An unpleasant, often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger and accompanied by increased autonomic activity.
Fear can be a very powerful and unpleasant emotion. When we experience fear, several psychological and physiological responses take place all at the same time.
Psychological events include feeling emotionally overwhelmed, having high levels of anxiety, and even feeling terrified.
Physiological responses to fear include a faster heart rate, shallow breathing, and similar effects.
Experiencing fear can greatly impact our view on life, our confidence levels, and can sabotage our potential for personal growth.
Just as there are many types of fears, there are also different levels of anxiety associated with fears. Some people have what they consider to be strange fears, when they simply possess a less common fear.
It doesn’t matter what the fear is or how many people have it – if it is affecting your life in a negative way and holding you back from full enjoyment of your life, it is the definition of fear, and doesn’t belong in your life.
What Causes Fear?
We are only born with two fears; the fear of falling, and the fear of loud noises. All other fears we currently possess have developed from an event or events in our past which we associated with pain or danger. We have actually been programmed by the past experience to avoid the event which we associated with the pain and danger.
So, now that I know this and realize that I have been living a good part of my life being fearful, what do I do? How do I rid myself of fear? Well, I thought about it for a while and I couldn’t come up with anything other than, “Just get over it and move on before you bring your past into your future.”
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