For the first time in a long time I gave up on myself. My friend and I had planned to run early this morning but she hurt her knee so I was on my own. I was uptight the night before knowing I had to run by myself but I assumed I would be fine. I woke up this morning, got out of bed, let the dogs out, checked the temperature and knew there was no reason why I shouldn’t run. Once I realized that, I had a horrible panic attack…What the HECK! It would not have been the first time I ran. I know I push myself more when I’m with someone else, but even still…where was this coming from?
It sucked! The weather was perfect, I could have done it if it wasn’t for my damn anxiety…it broke me today DAMN it! I let it get in the way of my running, my eating, my mood…everything…UGH!!! I have been so great about handling it; everything has been so close to perfect. Yes, my anxiety was getting worse, but I was comforted by it knowing that those anxious feelings I was having were a replacement for binging. L I’m so disappointed in myself. I’ve been feeling more pressure lately for some reason, not sure what it is; there are so many things happening right now. It’s days like today, which are really few and far between lately, that make me think I have no business doing a half marathon.
So what do I do next? My plan is to “take it all out on my blog”, sort of just dump it and move forward. I’ll be running tomorrow with or without someone. When my anxiety attack starts I will push through it; at some point during my run it is sure to go away, right? RIGHT!
These battles with food, anxiety, etc are never ending, BUT they are happening less often as time goes by. I feel so good about that. There is light and lots of hope at the end of my tunnel…I just wish the tunnel wasn’t as long haha.
No comments:
Post a Comment