Last night I was debating, alone, with no one other than myself. I debated before bed, when I woke up this morning (at3:35AM), and during the drive to work. What was I debating with myself about? Should I weigh myself today? A part of me felt confident that I lost weight because my eating this week was great. Another part of me was scared to because my eating was so good this week and if I didn’t lose I would be discouraged. Well I’m excited to say, I won this debate J I weighed in.
I created a spread sheet so I would be able to log the results from my runs. I am curious to see how much my running improves and how much weight I will lose through the duration of the running plan which is 20 weeks. This weekend I will complete running for week 4. From the beginning to week 1 to the beginning of week 4 I lost 12.5 lbs. WOW!!! What a shock, such a great surprise. Praise God for giving me the strength to make such great progress over the last few weeks!
I have this strong sense of renewal. I feel successful again. I am so close to a goal that I have been in arm’s length of a few times. But for some reason when I get so close I go into this self-sabotaging mode. I begin to panic, which leads to binging. I think about what my life was like when I was at a decent weight and I get so scared that history will repeat itself. I retreat….I run….I eat. Then, I cry, I become that “victim” all over again. I just want someone to hold me and tell me everything is fine. I crave sympathy but no matter how much I get, it’s never enough…so I eat more. I try to get a grip; I smile so no one can see my pain but there’s someone who always does. When that happens, I laugh it off and convince them that everything is fine, and they believe me. Then there’s that person who doesn’t believe me; who knows something is wrong and makes me realize I need to deal with whatever it is that’s haunting me. It’s a crazy cycle that reoccurs all too often.
My prayer is that it stops this time. I just need some more strength to get myself through this crucial point. I need to get over that hurdle I keep running towards but always trip over and fall flat on my face.
I just don’t want to fall anymore…it hurts to much and recovery takes to long…
Yea, Maria. I know what it feels like to be so scared to weigh in. But you did it! And look at what your hard work has accomplished. Don't stop. Don't quit. I saw a cool quote the other day, it says,'FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED'. I loved that. I will pray for you also. HE will give you strength. His strength. All you have to do is keep walking this thing out. You are an inspiration to more than you know. Keep looking toward the goal. Love this message version in Phil. 3:14 "I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back." That's you girl. You are off and running and you are NOT turning back. I'm cheering you on!
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