It's just a hurdle...I will get over it sooner then later

Been trying to figure out today where I stand in this life…I’m confused, so does that mean I’m still lost?  So many things have been going on…stressful things, yet I’m not sure how much of this really needs to affect me.  I allow so many negative feelings to overwhelm me.

The last couple of weeks have revealed how much I allow myself to get caught up in the emotions of others.  My life has been good, I have my stresses and we are going through a couple of tough things right now but it’s nothing that is going to kill us.  Is it possible that my comfort zone is anxiety and wallowing in sorrow that when I don’t have any of my own I look to others for theirs?  That can’t be, I can’t imagine why anyone, why I, would want that.

Since the beginning of this year I feel that I’ve come to terms with a couple of major things that have consumed my life for years.  Those were the things that I “ate about”.  I truly believed that once I came to terms with those things adhering to eating well would be easy.  I have to take that back…eating well IS easy for me.  It truly is!  Everything I was taught is embedded into my brain.  The hard work that other put into me is there, I’ve been educated and no one can take that from me.

What is wrong with me?  Why can’t I get past this emotional binging?  I feel stuck; I don’t know what to do.  I am at a loss and I don’t know how to fix this.  Do I accept my physical self and move on with life?  I can’t do that!  I don’t like my physical self.  It’s not pretty, it’s not healthy, and it’s just not where I want to be.

At times I feel like I’m breaking and I push myself to get past that point, and I do and that is a HUGE accomplishment for me!  It’s that sense of accomplishment that pushes me to go further. 

Support from others is more important to me than it should be; but it’s something I need.  Last night after working out we were talking about how much we need and support each other and how we would not do what we were doing without each other and/or our trainer.  This made me feel better about myself.  I do rely on others, more than I should, but how bad is that?  Is it bad because it’s an inconvenience to others or bad because I feel like I need guidance or direction? 

I’m not feeling sorry for myself.  I know my life is improving, I see improvements, and so many are clear to me.  I know things take time, but this 2 steps forward than 1 ½ steps back thing is getting to me.  I love my workouts, the people I work out with, my trainer and everything he’s taught me, the knowledge I have is something that will stick with me forever and best of all, I can share it with so many others, especially my family. 

I can overcome this, I know I can.  I’ve overcome so many little and big things within that last 2 years.  I wish I could just pinpoint the issue I am not dealing with so I can tackle it and move forward.  In the meantime, I will keep trying, I’ll focus on that run that I am determined to complete, and I’ll keep that smile on my face, no matter what J