It's been a few days since my last post and since this Love & Respect seminar I attended. A few days ago, I was wondering how I would feel later on in the week; I wasn't sure if I would feel the same or revert back to my negative thoughts thinking I was never wrong. Well, that's not the case at all!
My mind is open, my heart is feeling the love it felt when we first married. Now, there is no doubt that the love he gave me never went away, it's just that I was to engrossed in myself and worried about my needs that I didn't recognize how much love was there. The last few days have been wonderful; our teamwork is back on track, we are collaborating, smiling more, talking more...our friendship is in full bloom once again! We even went out and bought TJ a new wedding band..it was fun and exciting and he is wearing it proudly.
I regret feeling so much negativity; time and energy was wasted feeling and thinking this way. This is something that never should have happened or, at the very least, lasted this long, had I noticed and held myself accountable that this was all because of my own actions, thoughts, and perspective. I put a crazy twist on things, I made it all about me and how I was being affected. Not only in my marriage but with my friendships as well. There were so many misunderstandings and miscommunication because I made it all about me.
I feel like a different person; I feel like the person I used to be...in fact I feel even better than that person. So many demons are gone, issues are resolved; I've been healed and forgiven. Although I have learned and accomplished many things in the last 3 years I do have regrets, there are things I would change. I will keep and embrace the eating and exercise habits, the friends I made along the way and all that I have learned. If I had to do it all over again, I would change my attitude, my negative perspective, the selfishness I had and displayed and I would add boundaries that would prove my respect for my marriage, my husband, and his feelings.
Even my perspective on marriage in general was negative. Marriage is a wonderful union; how could something that God created us to do be anything but joyful UNLESS we are not willing to do out part. No, it's not easy, I don't believe it was meant to be. I do think that the challenges we face as individuals or together are to be dealt with as a team with the understanding that the team has a leader. When teammates are fighting to lead and control the challenges they are faced with will be lost; the team will fall. I believe it is through the Grace of God that our team, Team Brennan, has been lifted from their fall and will be facing everything good, bad, and indifferent together.
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