These Deja vu moments are exhausting...

Today overall was a good day. There’s been lots and lots of craziness, silliness, and unusual happenings so far this week. For one thing, I decided to stop using someone who was helping me.  The program he had me on, although it made sense and seemed manageable, did not work for me.  I went into deprivation mode and relapse into my old dieting habits which is something I worked very hard to get away from.  I put too much pressure on myself and expected too much from this.

I felt good the first few days on the program then before I knew it I was having stomach issues and starting to become very insecure.  I know that when my insecurities kick in things can only get worse for and stay that way for a while.

Over the last few days I’ve been focusing on getting back to Paleo basics.  Eating as I should with no deprivation.  Brent and I had a pretty good talk today about trying to understand why I “fall off the wagon” especially when I know how much this could alter my life if I don’t take care of myself.  I wish I knew that answer.  I can’t understand why I can be so dedicated to my health and determined to reach my goals then within a day turn that all around and throw all my hard work away.  I told him anything I try to explain is only going to sound like an excuse, which he agreed with ha-ha.  I don’t want to make excuses anymore.  It’s a bad habit that I have been working myself away from so I would kind of just stand there and not say much of anything…only because I don’t want to make excuses for myself.

I’m going to fall again at some point, the key is to get back up and not look back.  I still struggle with thinking back to the summer time and how well I was doing when I received this MS diagnosis.  I could kick myself for allowing it to throw me off my game.

Moving forward (again) I am feeling good about the conversation Brent and I had today and, although I hate that I had to take a step back from the doctor I was seeing, I think it will be the best thing for me.  My focus is going back to what I was doing when I was successful, prior to my diagnosis.  Making my workouts more challenging AND to ignore my leg during the workout and pushing through the odd pains I experience.  It’s also time to put more focus on weight loss.  I took that out of the equation assuming that the weight would come off with my healthy eating.  I think taking this part of the plan out when I was diagnosed was part of the reason I failed.

I’m also looking forward to going to MUSC a week from Thursday for a second opinion.  I am going to see the MS specialist over there.  I am praying that he recognizes that this diagnosis is not accurate and that if it was an accurate diagnosis that I don’t allow it to bring me down.

Paleo Summit

The Paleo Summit has begun!

Just a few moments ago, I posted the
first 2 summit video presentations by
Paleo authors and experts Mark Sisson
and Diane Sanfilippo.

In his Room 1 presentation entitled
Ancestral Living Defined, Mark gives
you the scoop on what to eat -- and not to
eat -- on the Paleo Diet. Topics include:

* Did Paleolithic man avoided saturated fat?

* Is dairy considered Paleo?

* What’s Mark’s take on fruits, safe starches,
and polyunsaturated fats?

Once you finish viewing Mark’s presentation,
head over to Room 2 where Diane will teach
you all about Practical Paleo Implementation.

Topics include:

* How to overcome the biggest obstacles and
deal-breakers people run into when thinking
about going Paleo.

* How to deal with Paleo haters.

* How to have fun while dining out on Paleo.

I’ve been sitting on these presentations for
a month and am so excited to FINALLY
share them with you!

Don’t forget! Today’s presentations will be
posted for 24 hours -- midnight PST to midnight
PST -- before they are replaced by the next set.

Later on this week, the entire set of summit
presentation will be available for purchase,
including videos, audio files, transcripts, and
bonus ebooks by Paul Chek, Dallas and Melissa
Hartwig, the Undergrounders, and today’s
presenter Diane Sanfilippo.

Head on over to the summit, get cozy, and get
your learn on!

Click HERE to view Mark’s presentation.

Click HERE to view Diane’s presentation.

Sean
Host, The UW Paleo Summit
Author, The Dark Side of Fat Loss

Thought this was great to share...consider subscribing to Dean, he has lots of great information

Change how you look by changing how you think!

MAKE SHI(F)T HAPPEN  In This Issue... ⇒50 awesome things about being Paleo ·

50 awesome things about being Paleo I find that the more I immerse myself in the Paleo-sphere, the more awesomer (yes that is now a word) it becomes. Here are 50 things that are just to too awesome not to acknowledge. 1. Meat Salad. Pepperoni carrots, meatball radishes, shredded cow lettuce. Ham croutons. Awesome! 2. Brent Pottenger and Aaron Blaisdell for uniting the Paleo clans with their inaugural Summit series, the Ancestral Health Symposium. Awesome! 3. Wearing a t-shirt that ensures you will win every argument with every vegetarian you meet. Awesome! 4. When your doctor is at a loss for words to explain your clean bill of health. Awesome! 5. When your partner can no longer ignore your amazing results and finally agrees to give this Paleo thing a shot. Awesome! 6. Running into someone you haven't seen in a long time and they can't believe how great you look. Awesome! 7. Fitting into those old jeans you grew out of a decade ago. Awesome! 8. Seeing Paleo kids. [Part of the Fragoso clan.] Awesome! 9. When you prepare the ugliest looking food on the planet (the sweet potato) and turn it into the tastiest snack ever (baked with coconut oil and cinnamon). Awesome! 10. Having way more alcohol than you should have had and still avoiding the late night  foodie call. Paleo brain Awesome! 11. Spending less on healthcare. Cha-ching awesome! 12. Meeting your Paleo idol and hugging it out! Giving up some luv awesome! [Who would you hug it out with?] 13. When Paleo giants (Taubes vs Guyenet) collide. Awesome! 14. Meeting a stranger at the airport, the grocery store or at a party and discovering they are Paleo. Awesome! 15. Mark Sisson's abs. The dude is almost 60. FRIGGIN AWESOME! [Takeaway: read the LA Times and you too will have abs like that!] 16. When you discover there are Paleo books for kids. Awesome! 17. Finding a crossfit box in your area. Awesome! 18. When someone thinks you look much younger than you actually are. Sweet awesomesauce! 19. Discovering that eating animals doesn't mean you love them any less. In fact, you may love them even more. Awesome! 20. When you see must-have t-shirts. Awesome! (see more of this one here)                    (see more of this one here) 21. Eating calories, NOT counting calories. Awesome! 22. Eating really delicious Paleo meals like Beef Bulgogi, that you have no frakkin' clue how to pronounce. Awesome! 23. Earning your first dollar in the Paleo space. Awesome! 24. Loading up the  iPod with great podcasts. Awesome! Balanced Bites with Liz Wolfe and Diane Sanfilippo The Paleo Solution with Robb Wolf Jimmy Moore and friends Everyday Paleo with Sarah Fragoso and friends Latest in Paleo with Angelo "Francis Ford" Coppola Underground Wellness with my man Sean Croxton Revolution Health Radio with Chris Kresser Fat Burning Man with Abel James (the man with the golden voice) 25. Accepting something like chocolates or desserts so as not to be rude to the giver and then secretly disposing of them when no one is looking. Awesome! 26. When Whole Foods has a meat sale. BUY! BUY! BUY! Awesome! 27. When you hear famous people go Paleo! Awesome! 28. Actually getting 10 hours sleep. Friggin Awesome! 29. Turning off that last electronic device so that your room is now pitch black. Scary Awesome! 30. Seeing lean strong women you know could crush a man with their bare hands (or make them cry at the very least). Fear for my life Awesome! (the awesome Diane Sanfilippo of Balanced Bites and the awesome Melissa Hartwig of Whole 9 Life.) 31. When you discover a new friend: FAT (the good fat though). Get in my belly awesome! 32. Discovering Paleo blogs that kick ass and take names. PaleOMG and Free The Animal. F#$%ing Awesome! 33. Realizing that you can pronounce it Pay-lee-oh, Pal-ee-oh or Pal-ay-oh and people still know what the hell you are talking about. Ahhsum! 34. Discovering that the Silicon Valley of Paleo is AUSTIN, TEXAS. No wonder Paleo FX is going to rock.  Awe$ome! 35. Realizing that 1.) It's Robb Wolf with 2 "b"s and no "e" 2.) It's Liz Wolfe with an "e"  3.)  That they are married, just not to each other. Actually being able to remember that on a regular basis. Awesome! 36. When you discover your lifestyle has it's own magazine: Paleo Magazine. Awesome! 37. When you make a new Paleo creation all by your lonesome and it actually doesn't suck. Awesome! 38. When you discover there are a variety of cookbooks that cater to exactly the way you eat. Awesome! 39. When you get to the point where you don't give a rat's ass if someone agrees with your lifestyle choices or not. Awesome! 40. When Dr. Oz says something stupid and uniformed about the Paleo diet. It brings us all closer and more united than ever. OZsome! 41. When a friend tells you that they have converted to Paleoism. High-five awesome! 42. Running into a former high school hottie (male or female) and realizing you look 10 times better than they do now. I'm too sexy Awesome! 43. When you transition to saying "No thank you!" as a statement and not like you are asking a question! Damn right awesome! 44. Discovering that bacon has more uses than duct tape.  Awesome! 45. When you can't remember the last time you were sick. Awesome! 46. Listening to super Paleo Geeks like Robb Wolf, Chris Kresser and Mat Lalonde and realizing you have no idea what they are saying. Awesome? (or is that just me?) 47. Discovering and then banning a food that makes you fat and/or sick. Awesome! 48. Discovering amazing Paleo Success Stories. Laurie Anne Gomes, Kristy Griner, Kevin Cottrell, George Bryant. Awesome X 4. 49. When you discover new Paleo Careers: the Baconologist. Sizzling awesome! 50. Finding a rocking Paleo community online. Awesome! Now go, make some awesome shift happen, DD ps...Tell us what your most awesome Paleo moment was from the list above? What would you add to the list for the Paleo Awesomeness sequel? Click here to leave an awesome comment or read the awesome comments. Get updates via   Did someone forward this to you? Subscribe Here! Subscribe via RSS Get live updates in your web browser window. Unsubscribe If you no longer wish to receive this newsletter you can unsubscribe here. Greatest Hits How to cheat and still lose weight-Part 1 How to deal with imperfection How to defend your dietary choices My Favorites Interview with Sarah Fragoso of Everyday Paleo fame Eating Philosophy 101 Fight Every Battle

Do Over?

There are many things I do. when it comes to taking care of myself, that need to be done over. 

When I was changing my lifestyle to lose weight I transitioned from a low intensity workout to a higher intensity workout at a good pace.  When I started to change my eating, I did it the same way.  Once I “mastered” a change, I transitioned something else.  I started with portion control with the first trainer I worked with.  When I started with Brent, I then transitioned into the Zone Diet then eventually started going towards the Paleo lifestyle. 

Although it was always tough for me, and I struggled staying on it 100%, it worked great for me.  In fact nothing works better than Paleo for me.  So, now I’m trying to figure out why, in the midst of a panic due to my MS diagnosis, I even thought I had to change my lifestyle again...I think I may have figured it all out.  Yup, I was wrong; I should have never changed anything when I was diagnosed.  Why?

I already changed…yes I needed to be more consistent and add supplements but what I was doing prior to my diagnosis is what some people who are diagnosed with MS do in addition to or in lieu of giving themselves shots.  I overthought, and doubted myself and what I learned more than I ever imagined I could.  Why would I do this?  I was working hard; my workouts were great, I was eating great, and being consistent, and dropping weight like never before when I was slammed with this diagnosis.  I had to be doing something wrong; if it was all right, there should have been no reason for the MS to rear its ugly head.  Right?  WRONG!  I was so wrong and I feel like, because I panicked, I blew it all, again.

What made me realize this?  I was meeting with a doctor and while we were talking about my diagnosis and my concern of my MS being misdiagnosed. He explained to me that MS and many other diseases can be suppressed for a long time then be awoken by stress.

Stress?  THAT’S IT!!  It wasn’t me not doing something right at all.  It was STRESS!  It was like everything crashed together when the doctor explained this to me. 

We started something a couple of months prior to my diagnosis.  I was blown away by how this process affected me and my stress level.  I told TJ repeatedly, throughout this process, that I have never felt the kind of stress that I felt during this time.  It was THE MOST STRESSFUL time of my life.  I am sure, now, after speaking to this doctor, and thinking back to the lifestyle changes I made prior to my diagnosis than comparing my changes to the changes made by others who were diagnosed with MS, that it wasn’t anything more than the stress that caused the supressed MS to awaken. 

It had nothing to do with my new lifestyle.  In fact, I have wondered how much worse the MS symptoms would have been had I not lost weight, exercised, and ate well.  If this is indeed MS, I think there's a good possibility that I could be sitting in a wheel chair today had I not made the changes I did over the past few years.

So, what now?  Where does that leave me?  Do I go back to the drawing board? Find another doctor or 2 or 3?  OR just put the last few months behind me and pick up where I left off in October?  Could it really be that easy? 

Been struggling this week;  there is lots of discomfort in my back which always results in increased numbness...it’s so frustrating.  Today, for some reason, I experienced quite a few back spasms, not sure what’s going on and why this seems to be worse this week.

I've been racking my brain trying to figure out what my next course of action for my back should be.  Someone recommended I try their chiropractor so I may give him a shot and of course when I see the neurologist for my second opinion I will ask what he recommends.  There's just got to be something out there that can make this go away, right? Right!

Otherwise, things are going well but I ran into a few problems on the program my functional neurologist put me on.  It's tough having to take all kinds of supplements and eat perfectly for 3 weeks straight.  I've been experiencing cramping in my stomach and bloating.  I’m not sure if it was from not adhering to the plan completely or if it’s my body reacting to the supplements. The doc and I discussed it and he said to keep going so, keep going I will.

Things are still going well on the home front. Another thing has come to light as a result of the Love & Respect seminar.  I realized this week I have my best results in life while being lead.  In fact, anything I’ve been successful at has had someone else leading it, planning it, starting it, etc.  Not saying by any means I am dependent on anyone or anything, I am independent. But when I am not resisting I can take direction real well.  Even with minimal direction, if someone tells me what they want their end result to be I can usually make it happen. Execution and maintenance is something I realized I am good at.

There has always been someone inside of me that has felt the need to control, to take over, to do whatever had to be done to get something done the way I think it needed to be done.  And of course when it comes to one person wanting to control a situation that is not really theirs to control, problems arise.  I thought a lot about that this week and felt like I needed to surrender my urges to take control and stick to what I know I’m good at.  I really think this will bring more peace of mind to me.  I’ve already had so much since the seminar I’m thinking why not add a little bit more J

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

It's been a few days since my last post and since this Love & Respect seminar I attended.  A few days ago, I was wondering how I would feel later on in the week; I wasn't sure if I would feel the same or revert back to my negative thoughts thinking I was never wrong.  Well, that's not the case at all!

My mind is open, my heart is feeling the love it felt when we first married.  Now, there is no doubt that the love he gave me never went away, it's just that I was to engrossed in myself and worried about my needs that I didn't recognize how much love was there.  The last few days have been wonderful; our teamwork is back on track, we are collaborating, smiling more, talking more...our friendship is in full bloom once again!  We even went out and bought TJ a new wedding band..it was fun and exciting and he is wearing it proudly.

I regret feeling so much negativity; time and energy was wasted feeling and thinking this way. This is something that never should have happened or, at the very least, lasted this long, had I noticed and held myself accountable that this was all because of my own actions, thoughts, and perspective.  I put a crazy twist on things, I made it all about me and how I was being affected.  Not only in my marriage but with my friendships as well.  There were so many misunderstandings and miscommunication because I made it all about me.

I feel like a different person; I feel like the person I used to be...in fact I feel even better than that person. So many demons are gone, issues are resolved; I've been healed and forgiven.  Although I have learned and accomplished many things in the last 3 years I do have regrets, there are things I would change.  I will keep and embrace the eating and exercise habits, the friends I made along the way and all that I have learned.  If I had to do it all over again, I would change my attitude, my negative perspective, the selfishness I had and displayed and I would add boundaries that would prove my respect for my marriage, my husband, and his feelings.

Even my perspective on marriage in general was  negative.  Marriage is a wonderful union; how could something that God created us to do be anything but joyful UNLESS we are not willing to do out part.  No, it's not easy, I don't believe it was meant to be.  I do think that the challenges we face as individuals or together are to be dealt with as a team with the understanding that the team has a leader.  When teammates are fighting to lead and control the challenges they are faced with will be lost; the team will fall.  I believe it is through the Grace of God that our team, Team Brennan, has been lifted from their fall and will be facing everything good, bad, and indifferent together.

TJ, I Am Respectfully Yours...

It has been a very profound weekend…overwhelmingly profound.  Over the last 3 years I’ve learned so much about myself but it has been nothing compared to what was learned in less than 8 hours this weekend.  I was forced to take a step back and take a really good look at my own marriage and seriously think about how I want my boys to be treated by the women they choose to marry.  It also opened my eyes to how my brothers and guy friends think and how off I was when I said I understood them.  In reality, I had no clue. Everything came together, everything I was being taught and how much I misinterpreted those teachings and how resistant I was to them…until now.

I am beyond blessed to have TJ as my husband; when I came home we talked for a long time about what I learned and how I treated him during the first year or so of my fitness journey.  At the start of our conversation, within the first sentence I broke down…I was ashamed and It was all because I didn’t understand him AND I wasn’t even considerate enough to try to understand.  I put him through hell for a little while simply because I was so selfish and I refused to see past my own needs.  I couldn’t apologize enough to him.  My experience this weekend and our conversation brought closure, for both of us, to what I feel was the most difficult period in our marriage.  I am so thankful to God for holding us together until I was able to recognize my own faults and for giving us the courage to have the conversation that closed this chapter in our lives.

If you ever have the opportunity to attend a Love & Respect Conference, video or live, DO IT!  There is also a book available, READ IT! 
http://loveandrespect.com/

Day 3...

Another headache...YIKES.  It feels like there's a cinder block sitting on my head.  Nothing helps it, yesterday my workout cured it but today, since I didn't work out this afternoon, I'm going to have to push through it.  I emailed the doctor to let him know; he asked me to list everything I'm eating, the supplements I'm taking and the times I am doing it.  Hopefully he can pinpoint it.  I'm hoping he will have it figured out once I send him all the info by tomorrow.

Other than that, the diet plan seems to be going well.  For breakfast I had a small steak, bacon, and an apple along with all my supplements.  I added the supplements I picked up last night and the probiotics to the mix this morning.  I had a mid morning snack which was a small steak, carrots, and olives.

As far as being hungry goes, I am not, physically I feel okay, with the exception of the headache.  I do feel a bit nauseous after taking the supplements but I think that has to do more with me being able to stomach it than the supplements making me feel that way.

I was really hurting last night from my workout, stretching and run; I feel much better today.  I'm so relieved when this happens.  I can deal with the back pain and increased numbness as long as it gets better within a day or 2. 

As long as there is recovery I will keep pushing harder and I will not give up. J

I finished the day strong.  I had a real weak moment but it was short lived.

My eating ended well; I finished off the day with salmon, asparagus, and a peach.  I drank lots of water all day and had 2 workouts.  My first workout consisted of many burpees and lots of painful stretching.   This evening we ran.  During the first part of my run I literally gave up.  My leg felt as though it turned to led right after I started to run, so I just stopped.  I was encouraged to give it another shot, and I did.  I was able to finish and my time wasn't all that bad.

I am hurting tonight and my leg is a bit more numb than usual but the fact that I finished what I set out to do as far as running tonight and that I was able to do more burpees this afternoon then I did the last time I did the same workout has made it all worth it.

With the hurting part being said, I just got done rolling on the foam roller...OUCH during but I feel much better when I'm done. For some reason I am cold. real cold.  Can't seem to get this chill out of m body.  Not sure if it has to do with this diet, if I'm getting sick, or if its just because its cold out haha.

I knew I was feeling good at the end of the day when I pulled out all kinds of food to cook for the week and started doing some laundry...I feel good and I love when I feel this way.

Day 2...not too bad

Today seems to be going much better; with the exception of a headache I'm doing well.  My head is straight, I know what I need to eat, there was a good flow while prepping food this morning.

For breakfast I had steak, bacon, peach with my supplements.  I prepared salmon, olives, and fresh spinach for lunch. 

I'm excited to see how things go...I have to pick up the rest of my supplements, they are now in so I will be into this full force.

Even more exciting for me...tonight is run #2 of week 1 of the running plan...I wish I could express in words how grateful I am to God that I am able to start running again. 

I'll let you know how its goes later tonight!

And we made it through day 1...

Where did I leave off...

Lunch....
Steak, carrots, olives, supplement shake (not so bad tasting...not so good either) and other supplements.  Not sure why, but olives have been my saving grace since I started this fitness journey.

Dinner...Steak AGAIN, plum, carrots and the supplements to.

So happy to be done with the first day, I'm even more excited that this is underway!

I stopped at my Neurologists office today to pick up all my medical records to bring when I go for my 2nd opinion.  I am digging through those files, trying to spot where he might have misdiagnosed me...I can't find it, damn!  I hope this new doctor is able to realize something is not right with this diagnosis.  So for tonight I am just going to put all this stuff back in the envelope and stop trying to figure this all out.  But, if anyone else out there would like to review my records so they can undiagnose me, please let me know ;)

Overall the day was good; I'm feeling happy, lots of great, fun things came and went with the day...like the crazy ladies I workout with on Mondays (love them).  I struggled a bit with this program; it brought back memories of my old fad dieting days.  I had to keep reminding myself that this has nothing to do with weight loss at all...none of what I'm doing right now has to do with losing weight.  Reminding myself of this has gotten me through day 1.  Thank you God for listening and getting me through it.

Day 1 - Breakfast and First Dose of Supplements

I'm not loving this simply because I suddenly feel like I am on a "diet".  There's something about having restrictions with food that makes me feel deprived and taking all kinds of supplements that I'm just uncomfy with.  I can honestly say I haven't felt this way in a long long time...like a couple of years.  I'm okay with it knowing that it will all end up back to the way I am used to.

The supplements are:

• Vitamin D 10K per day http://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/vitamind/
• Fish Oil  10K per day http://www.ehow.com/about_5127410_purpose-fish-oil.html
• Herbal Dietary Supp call X-FKM (K37) http://www.creatingwellness.com/utility/showProduct/index.cfm?objectID=472
• Vitamin and Mineral HemeVite (K-26) http://shop.totalsupplement.net/item/K-26-Hemevite-2702
• GI Revive Dietary Supplement-Starting at lunch for the first 7 days I will be drinking this.  On the 8th day I'll switch and have it with breakfast and dinner. http://patient.designsforhealth.com/GI-Revive-450gm-Powder

I have probiotics I will begin taking any day, we are waiting on one other supplement to come in. 
There's a liquid I took this morning, forgot the name, so I'll have to check it later when I get home.  I'm to take it in the morning and before I workout...it opens everything up and it should help me to work harder, do more reps, etc during workouts.



Breakfast

Steak, peach, bacon, almonds, water and I took my supplements.

Breakfast went well; I feel okay, nothing unusual. I was hoping for a huge burst of energy from the supplements since it's Monday morning and I'm PMSing beyond belief. 



Hmmm...well this will at least put my hormones to the test...let's see if they stay as well balanced this week as they were the last 2.



21 Days and Counting..

Starting tomorrow I am on a STRICT clean eating, supplement filled, can't eat anything my body is sensitive to diet.  I went shopping today to buy fish and meat.  TJ picked up my fruits and veggies...all organic, grass fed, yadda, yadda, yadda.  Sorted through my supplements and have the powder mix ready to go that's going to clean up and repair my gut and kill that parasite.

I'm not sure why I feel so intimidated by this but I am determined to get through this perfectly!

Praying for the strength and patience I need to make it through.

Success?

YES!  We were successful today.  We had our 5K today at the beach...and we did well.  I feel good about it and so do the other ladies I was with.  We did not have a time we wanted to finish in but our goal was to finish and NOT finish last and with that, we were successful.

Jennifer did awesome!  I am so proud of her, she ran the entire race finishing a few minutes before Leah and I did. Leah and I stuck together; we had the same pace throughout the race which really benefited both of us.  We started off running then transitioned into a run/walk for the first 2 miles; we definitely ran more then we walked and we finished off the race by running the last mile.  We were excited and oh so proud!

Run 1 of week 1 on the running plan...CHECK!

As I suspected, my leg bothered me.  The tingling feeling, which is always in my knee area, traveled up to my mid thigh and and down to my mid calf pretty quickly.  However, I found that as I ran I was adjusting to that weird feeling.  There came a point where I just put it out of my head and the only thing I focused on was that finish line.  My back...not one pain, none!  It didn't even tighten up.  I kept focusing on my form as I ran.  My breathing was probably at its best, although I became winded when running, it didn't take me long to catch my breath and continue. Finally my feet; I was worried about running in the new sneakers I had for less than a week..they were perfect!  I had no foot pain or leg pain.

When ever I have a successful run I get even more excited for the next one; Tuesday night is run #2!

Thanks ladies for a great run...I'm looking forward to many more!  Also, thank you Brent for incorporating lots of running into our workouts last week...especially Tuesday, that was a huge confidence builder for me.

Hooray for Jennifer, Leah, and Maria!!!

My friend said, "run like the wind!" I responded, "I'll try; it may be more like a draft though"...but I'm running and I'm happy about it.

Sitting in bed wanting to sleep but unable to.  I am NERVOUS, I have a sick feeling in my tummy; about what?  Tomorrows run.  We are doing a 5k tomorrow.  Why exactly am I nervous?  There are a couple of reasons.  One, there is absolutely no reason why I shouldn’t be able to run the entire time.  I just need to pace my running, my patience, and my determination.  Although we, the ladies with whom I am running, weren’t able to get together this week to run, my trainer had me running all week.  I did real well one day; I was excited, Thursday, not so much.  We had to run then do 25 burpees, 6 times.  I was able to get through 5 rounds.  My running really wasn’t good at all though.  It all boils down to self-defeat.  My trainer told me that as soon as he told us what we needed to do my facial expression changed; he said I looked defeated.  My attitude and perspective always dictates the outcome of any run I do.

Second, my biggest concern about my running is my right leg.  The tingling is still there and as I run it gets worse and quickly begins to feel heavy.  I’m not worried that something will happen to it, it just slows me down so much.  I need to keep the thoughts of my leg out of my head.  I need to get my head into a place that I won’t get distracted from.

The main reason why I’m feeling nervous…I am so excited that I am officially starting my running plan again.  This 5K is the first run on the plan.  I am so happy to get this going; I missed doing the interval runs and even though I didn’t miss the long runs to much, I always looked forward to doing them so I could see what kind of progress I made.

However things turnout…I am thrilled that I am doing this.  I feel like I am getting a second chance and I couldn’t be more grateful for it!