My goal: lose 125lbs by my 50th birthday which is 15 months away.
Realistic...absolutely.
Will I keep up with blog? I'm not sure. I do know that it helped me tremendously in the past. We will so how it helps going forward.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Here I Go Again...
Starting over for all the right reasons this time. The reasons are me, my family and the long future we will have together.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
It's Been A Long Time...
I can't even remember the last time I looked at my blog...it's been a while. So many things have changed in so many ways. Everything associated with my original journey is now non-existent. There are lots of great memories, great friendships formed, and, unfortunately, many "untruths" surfaced. But at the end of the day, I am a better person for the entire experience.
So why am I blogging today...not to complain by any means but to share the many blessings that have been dropping in front of us on, what seems to be, a regular basis. There have been so many wonderful little things that I may even forget to list them. I Praise God which each and every one of these.
Lets start with today. I had my annual MRI to check progression on my MS...Absolutely no change in my MRI at all! WOO HOO! We have been down to 1 car for months now. Although it has been an inconvenience it certainly hasn't been impossible. Our plan was to buy a used car mid November early December. Things were on track financially but as the time nears and I'm looking here and there for a car within our budget that's reliable I began thinking, "hmmm are we really going to be able to get something safe and reliable for the amount of money we have to spend?" Well, a gentleman we know approached TJ and told him he noticed he didn't have his car...then he went on to say that he just took his mother-in-laws car off the road. He asked TJ if he would be interested in it. He told TJ that he wanted to offer it to him first before he put it up for sale. Turns out the car is in our price range, it's an older model Chevy, 2001, BUT it only has 24,000 miles on. Isn't that crazy!! We are going to look at it this week and we are thrilled and beyond thankful that he thought of TJ first and approached him. Can I get an AMEN?!?
I was concerned about Justin's transition into middle school...as any mother would be. What made my concern greater was that he was going into a school he wanted nothing to do with. He so badly wanted to get into the same school Joe attends. The first 2-3 weeks was a struggle, he was not happy about the school, he hated the uniform, was up for hours doing excessive amounts of homework, etc. Now that the first 9 weeks have passed his grades are excellent, he is making friends, absolutely loves his teachers and his school. I asked him tonight to rate his school experience from 1 to 10, 10 being the highest. He responded, "Hmmmm, lets see, I give it a 9.9999999 aw heck, it's a 10!" Thank you God for that to!
Lets see...what else? Well our air broke and was out all summer. Heck, who has 5 grand sitting around to handover to get it fixed? Not us! AND after taking Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace class we are not about to charge things when we can make some temporary, much less expensive, "fixes". In this case, someone was kind enough to lend us a window unit that we put in one room and we purchased another unit for under $200; along with some fans and no blankets we were able to get through the summer comfortably. When TJ's car bit the dust we started driving to work together and sacrificing some of our extra curricular activities so whoever needed transportation most received it. There are other things regarding our faith, finances, our boys and our careers that are all contributing to our joy and excitement. Our blessings have been coming in all shapes and sizes, big and small. I am most grateful that we all are able to recognize them and thank God for the work he is doing in our lives through our friends, family, and co-workers.
Don't get me wrong, with all these blessings there are negatives; some things aren't going the way we want them to but we are so accepting of that...it's clearly because it's either not to be or not the right time. I believe a part of all this is reward for our patience, diligence, and our ability to now put our worries in God's hands.
With sharing this...It makes me want to start blogging again. I miss it...I miss sharing and the therapeutic side of it for me. As for the blog name...I just can't bring myself to change it. So, although this wide load has put on her half of what she lost, she will keep the blog name and hold onto to it with the hopes that it will live up to it's name once again.
So why am I blogging today...not to complain by any means but to share the many blessings that have been dropping in front of us on, what seems to be, a regular basis. There have been so many wonderful little things that I may even forget to list them. I Praise God which each and every one of these.
Lets start with today. I had my annual MRI to check progression on my MS...Absolutely no change in my MRI at all! WOO HOO! We have been down to 1 car for months now. Although it has been an inconvenience it certainly hasn't been impossible. Our plan was to buy a used car mid November early December. Things were on track financially but as the time nears and I'm looking here and there for a car within our budget that's reliable I began thinking, "hmmm are we really going to be able to get something safe and reliable for the amount of money we have to spend?" Well, a gentleman we know approached TJ and told him he noticed he didn't have his car...then he went on to say that he just took his mother-in-laws car off the road. He asked TJ if he would be interested in it. He told TJ that he wanted to offer it to him first before he put it up for sale. Turns out the car is in our price range, it's an older model Chevy, 2001, BUT it only has 24,000 miles on. Isn't that crazy!! We are going to look at it this week and we are thrilled and beyond thankful that he thought of TJ first and approached him. Can I get an AMEN?!?
I was concerned about Justin's transition into middle school...as any mother would be. What made my concern greater was that he was going into a school he wanted nothing to do with. He so badly wanted to get into the same school Joe attends. The first 2-3 weeks was a struggle, he was not happy about the school, he hated the uniform, was up for hours doing excessive amounts of homework, etc. Now that the first 9 weeks have passed his grades are excellent, he is making friends, absolutely loves his teachers and his school. I asked him tonight to rate his school experience from 1 to 10, 10 being the highest. He responded, "Hmmmm, lets see, I give it a 9.9999999 aw heck, it's a 10!" Thank you God for that to!
Lets see...what else? Well our air broke and was out all summer. Heck, who has 5 grand sitting around to handover to get it fixed? Not us! AND after taking Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace class we are not about to charge things when we can make some temporary, much less expensive, "fixes". In this case, someone was kind enough to lend us a window unit that we put in one room and we purchased another unit for under $200; along with some fans and no blankets we were able to get through the summer comfortably. When TJ's car bit the dust we started driving to work together and sacrificing some of our extra curricular activities so whoever needed transportation most received it. There are other things regarding our faith, finances, our boys and our careers that are all contributing to our joy and excitement. Our blessings have been coming in all shapes and sizes, big and small. I am most grateful that we all are able to recognize them and thank God for the work he is doing in our lives through our friends, family, and co-workers.
Don't get me wrong, with all these blessings there are negatives; some things aren't going the way we want them to but we are so accepting of that...it's clearly because it's either not to be or not the right time. I believe a part of all this is reward for our patience, diligence, and our ability to now put our worries in God's hands.
With sharing this...It makes me want to start blogging again. I miss it...I miss sharing and the therapeutic side of it for me. As for the blog name...I just can't bring myself to change it. So, although this wide load has put on her half of what she lost, she will keep the blog name and hold onto to it with the hopes that it will live up to it's name once again.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Looking Forward to Chapter 4...
I was talking to a friend today, we were sharing how, even at our age, life is still teaching us some very tough lessons. Too often there are others who have their own agenda and they are more then willing to be deceptive and take advantage of those who trust and believe in them. It doesn't seem to matter how many are saddened or disappointed by events that take place, they are satisfied as long as they accomplish what they set out to do.
She told me about a poem so I googled it, read it and was able to easily relate to it....
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep whole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit…but,
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately,
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
I walk down another street
This last experience closed at Chapter 3. Almost a week later I was able to connect all the dots and come to a conclusion that others were able to come to before me. With that, I see the mistakes I made and recognized how I was mislead. Now knowing where my faults are in all this, I "get out", I let go so I don't cause any more pain, I accept my loss, and place all of this in God's hands with intentions to move on with peace of mind.
She told me about a poem so I googled it, read it and was able to easily relate to it....
There Is a Hole in My Sidewalk
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
By Portia Nelson
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
By Portia Nelson
Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep whole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit…but,
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately,
Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter Five
I walk down another street
This last experience closed at Chapter 3. Almost a week later I was able to connect all the dots and come to a conclusion that others were able to come to before me. With that, I see the mistakes I made and recognized how I was mislead. Now knowing where my faults are in all this, I "get out", I let go so I don't cause any more pain, I accept my loss, and place all of this in God's hands with intentions to move on with peace of mind.
Saturday, March 23, 2013
"All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing."
When evil prevails there will be sadness, disappointment and confusion. With time and patience the smoke will slowly begin to clear and glimpses of hope will appear to reassure us that eventually things will be fine.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Nick had tech group first thing this morning. TJ and I dropped him off then did some food shopping and hit up Goodwill for some accessories for Joe's costume for his next performance. We got home and I made red velvet pancakes for Joe and Justin and a bacon grilled cheese for TJ. I did some cleaning then friends of ours stopped over to drop something off. We talked and laughed, and laughed, for a little while...that time went too quick...then they left.We ran out the door to head to Summerville for Joe and Justin;s "graduation" from the Kidfit program...what fun! I am so proud of them for participating and even more proud that they signed up for another session. I walked into the room of people singing happy birthday to me and I was given chocolate covered strawberries. What a great surprise...thanks Nicole! They were yummy! After the kids worked out we headed our with the group to get frozen yogurt and spend time with some great new friends.
Pretty good side plank Justin! I'm so proud of you!
When we got home I opened the mail to find an invitation to some facial plastic surgery place. Wow...I had to laugh. Of all things to come in the mail on my birthday. Tj then sat me down on the couch and put on a Matchbox Twenty concert for me that he DVR'd. He tried so hard to figure how we could go to the actual concert but there was no way around it. After that we had a nice dinner and a bright cake made by all my boys, and we are now relaxing and just watching TV.
That cake does say "Happy Bday Mom" It was Joe's first time piping haha
I am amazed at all the birthday wishes received on Facebook and by phone, text and email. I have undoubtedly been blessed by an Amazing God with the most amazing people he's ever created.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Peace...
There was much peace in my day and mind today. Although yesterday was a tough day, by the time we got home late last night things were much better. Yes, I did have 2 drinks that relaxed me and pushed tension out of the way.
I slept GREAT last night for the first time in a long time. I got 8 hours of solid sleep...exactly what I needed. I got out of bed, made breakfast for my little guys while my husband slept in; once he woke up we went to the automotive store so they could hook up my car and get the codes to determine why the engine light is on. It does need some work but nothing is needed immediately and it shouldn't be too expensive...thank you God!
A friend of mine and I then headed to the hospital to visit our neighbor. We had such a nice visit; we were there for a few hours engaged in great conversation. After that we grabbed something quick to eat then headed home.
It was really a great Sunday..I'm looking forward to a good, positive and peaceful week.
I slept GREAT last night for the first time in a long time. I got 8 hours of solid sleep...exactly what I needed. I got out of bed, made breakfast for my little guys while my husband slept in; once he woke up we went to the automotive store so they could hook up my car and get the codes to determine why the engine light is on. It does need some work but nothing is needed immediately and it shouldn't be too expensive...thank you God!
A friend of mine and I then headed to the hospital to visit our neighbor. We had such a nice visit; we were there for a few hours engaged in great conversation. After that we grabbed something quick to eat then headed home.
It was really a great Sunday..I'm looking forward to a good, positive and peaceful week.
Saturday, March 9, 2013
In Search of...Strength...from God
I have been working hard had staying focused mentally and emotionally. Much has been going on but all should be settled shortly. I'm proud of myself for holding me together. I did break done earlier in the car with my husband. We have an event to go to later on; I told him I had no idea what I was going to wear. I told him I can always go into the side of my closet where I saved my "fat" clothes, with that tears started to pour down my face. Later on I was outside talking to a friend and the damn tears started again when we started talking about dieting and working out. I am at the point I swore I would never be at again.
With this, my car has been acting up, my check engine light went on then started flashing. We are so low on money right now that I wouldn't even know what to do if there is a serious problem. I can't even think straight enough to know what I'm going to do with my car. We checked fluids, filled everything up, and will check it in the morning. Things seem to be breaking, everything, even the dogs bowl broke today haha.
With all this going in and more, we groomed the dogs today. The littlest one was in the sink getting a bath, the medium dog was getting shaved by my husband, and the big one got a good trimming. Tomorrow I'm thinking baths for the medium and big one then we should be good.
I just need to hang in there...stay strong, keep praying and everything will fall into place.
With this, my car has been acting up, my check engine light went on then started flashing. We are so low on money right now that I wouldn't even know what to do if there is a serious problem. I can't even think straight enough to know what I'm going to do with my car. We checked fluids, filled everything up, and will check it in the morning. Things seem to be breaking, everything, even the dogs bowl broke today haha.
With all this going in and more, we groomed the dogs today. The littlest one was in the sink getting a bath, the medium dog was getting shaved by my husband, and the big one got a good trimming. Tomorrow I'm thinking baths for the medium and big one then we should be good.
I just need to hang in there...stay strong, keep praying and everything will fall into place.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
What a great day to spend some time with one of my boys. It was early dismissal from school our oldest didn't have a ride home from the school bus so I took a late lunch and went to pick him up. He came back to work with me and quietly worked on a project. We had a deal, he had to get that done in order to attend Science Technology night at his school. It started at 530 so we went back to his school right from work. It was great...hi school does things so well. He had a blast visiting the classrooms, playing games, and trying out all different things. It's also great to see how well he interacts with his peers and teachers. Yes, he is goofy, but that's part of being a 13 year old. He's so funny.
I was hoping to make it back to attend Bible study but we were so engrossed in the festivities. I hate to break him away from anything that he is truly enjoying that has to do with school. But I did miss those girls tonight. They are a great spiritual fix that I can always use.
There has been a lot of pain for me today. I really had a lot of trouble with stiffness. I know it's from working out but I don't know why it was so bad today. I'm hoping that an increase in fish oil and water will help that.
Well I am tired after a long, productive day. Time to relax, watch Duck Dynasty then hit the hay.
I was hoping to make it back to attend Bible study but we were so engrossed in the festivities. I hate to break him away from anything that he is truly enjoying that has to do with school. But I did miss those girls tonight. They are a great spiritual fix that I can always use.
There has been a lot of pain for me today. I really had a lot of trouble with stiffness. I know it's from working out but I don't know why it was so bad today. I'm hoping that an increase in fish oil and water will help that.
Well I am tired after a long, productive day. Time to relax, watch Duck Dynasty then hit the hay.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Ass Burger...Huh?
Well I never thought the day we told our son he had Asperger's that it would turn into a giggle session. We finally had the conversation that I dreaded and clearly it was for no reason. We did it simply because we had a meeting at school with school administration including the school psychologist. It was recommended we tell him so we did.
What made it so funny...we had to clarify that we said Asperger's not "ass burger". The laughs just got worse after that. God was definitely with us last night keeping the conversation light. I'm happy to check that off my To Do List; now we can move forward.
Our meeting went well. It makes me so proud to hear how sweet, well mannered, kind, and funny our boys are. It's such a great feeling of accomplishment. Nick's teachers had great things to say about him. He has such a great relationship with them and is very comfortable. Now if only he would do his homework consistently he would more than likely be an A,B student. That's our goal to achieve; it may be tough but it is a realistic goal. We left the meeting feeling good and very optimistic about our sons future.
Today was an okay feeling day for me. Still lots on my mind, still searching for answers, still stuck, but not giving up. I'm looking forward to seeing what tomorrow brings my way...I'm praying it's all good, peaceful stuff.
What made it so funny...we had to clarify that we said Asperger's not "ass burger". The laughs just got worse after that. God was definitely with us last night keeping the conversation light. I'm happy to check that off my To Do List; now we can move forward.
Our meeting went well. It makes me so proud to hear how sweet, well mannered, kind, and funny our boys are. It's such a great feeling of accomplishment. Nick's teachers had great things to say about him. He has such a great relationship with them and is very comfortable. Now if only he would do his homework consistently he would more than likely be an A,B student. That's our goal to achieve; it may be tough but it is a realistic goal. We left the meeting feeling good and very optimistic about our sons future.
Today was an okay feeling day for me. Still lots on my mind, still searching for answers, still stuck, but not giving up. I'm looking forward to seeing what tomorrow brings my way...I'm praying it's all good, peaceful stuff.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
There has been much on my mind this weekend...so much so that I even dreamed about what I am most concerned and perplexed about. Even the dream was confusing. There are no clear answers to this. I can only wait to see what time brings. There is an end in sight...although I am not sure when, how, or why I know it will be here sooner than later.
I am so thankful to God that my father is doing well after a car accident he was in. They are concerned that he didn't remember anything so he will need to see a neurologist in the upcoming weeks. He is a very very lucky man to have not been seriously injured. God has surely been watchingg over him.
I am most thankful for my husband this weekend. We were able to accomplish so much this weekend mostly because of him. Thank you TJ!!
We have a meeting at school for our oldest to plan for high school...what a bittersweet meeting that will be. I'm excited yet nervous. I can't wait to hear what opportunities he will have.
I'm so excited for so many in my life. One is my cousin who has a beautiful child with Anglemans syndrome. They had a successful fndraiser for her this weekend! Please keep this sweet little girl in your prayers. I have a friend who will be going in to the hospital to have her baby this week. Such a blessing after a tough but successful pregnancy! There are wonderful things going on all around me...it is such a pleasure to watch and to even be a part of some of it.
We are all faced with so many challenges that can bring us down yet make us stronger but there is always so much more good; more than we may ever see.
I am so thankful to God that my father is doing well after a car accident he was in. They are concerned that he didn't remember anything so he will need to see a neurologist in the upcoming weeks. He is a very very lucky man to have not been seriously injured. God has surely been watchingg over him.
I am most thankful for my husband this weekend. We were able to accomplish so much this weekend mostly because of him. Thank you TJ!!
We have a meeting at school for our oldest to plan for high school...what a bittersweet meeting that will be. I'm excited yet nervous. I can't wait to hear what opportunities he will have.
I'm so excited for so many in my life. One is my cousin who has a beautiful child with Anglemans syndrome. They had a successful fndraiser for her this weekend! Please keep this sweet little girl in your prayers. I have a friend who will be going in to the hospital to have her baby this week. Such a blessing after a tough but successful pregnancy! There are wonderful things going on all around me...it is such a pleasure to watch and to even be a part of some of it.
We are all faced with so many challenges that can bring us down yet make us stronger but there is always so much more good; more than we may ever see.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Self Destruction...
due to loyalty. Probably the most profound thing I read this week. Now how do you stop it?
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
The day went pretty well and I'm excited to say, it was Jackass free. I can't remember anyone aggravating me today. Things seemed to go pretty smooth and it was just as productive as it was yesterday.
I did my two workouts today at work. 30 minute workout, 15 minutes of mobility stuff, then another 30 minutes. It wasn't too bad, the workouts were pretty simple and went quickly. So much so that we added on to them.
Today was Day 2 of that darn fast. I did well all day but broke down and ate dinner. I was starving! I had a very healthy dinner...no regrets here! I weighed myself this morning and lost four and a half pounds. I;m excited about the loss but not so sure I could go 3 full days doing something like this.
I got caught up in homework again and looking for a my sons book he lost so I wasn't able to get things done AGAIN tonight. I lost it on my 13 year old; yes I flipped out (since he is so sweet he is exempt from Jackass status) and he is without his Xbox for now. He was stunned and upset and although I was upset I am just too tired to deal with the same thing over and over again after a long day at work.
That's about it for tonight...until next time.
I did my two workouts today at work. 30 minute workout, 15 minutes of mobility stuff, then another 30 minutes. It wasn't too bad, the workouts were pretty simple and went quickly. So much so that we added on to them.
Today was Day 2 of that darn fast. I did well all day but broke down and ate dinner. I was starving! I had a very healthy dinner...no regrets here! I weighed myself this morning and lost four and a half pounds. I;m excited about the loss but not so sure I could go 3 full days doing something like this.
I got caught up in homework again and looking for a my sons book he lost so I wasn't able to get things done AGAIN tonight. I lost it on my 13 year old; yes I flipped out (since he is so sweet he is exempt from Jackass status) and he is without his Xbox for now. He was stunned and upset and although I was upset I am just too tired to deal with the same thing over and over again after a long day at work.
That's about it for tonight...until next time.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Fasting Sucks!
Nope, I am not happy...today pretty much sucked. I was pretty satisfied throughout the morning but really struggled all afternoon. Two more days to go of this then I'm done.
Aside from dealing with hunger today was a pretty productive day; a good day for the most part. I hope tomorrow goes well. Some days are too unpredictable for me to handle. I am disappointed that I didn't get some things done that I planned today once I got home. The boys cleaned up a good part of the garage for me yesterday so I could start working out in there again. I wanted to finish it up tonight and get started on some things but I got caught up with homework and I am just pooped besides. Hopefully tomorrow evening I'll be able to get in there and do what needs to be done. My other plan is to do both 30 minute classes at work on Tuesday and Thursdays. There is a couple of reasons why I feel the need to start doing this, but one being that I feel like I just need more workout time. I'm going to give it a try and see how I feel at the end of the week. If it's too much then I will have to change my plan.
I'm not really looking forward to being hungry again tomorrow...I know crankiness will kick in and I'm sure I will offend someone in some unintentional way but I really don't think I'm going to give a flying flip.
On to more exciting things...I am very excited for the lady I am working with and the GREAT news he received today. It's been a rough few weeks for her and, although I don't know all the fact, it looks likes thing will be working out well...Praise God for prayers answered!
I spoke to my mom tonight and there is a very good chance they will be going to FL the end of May for my nephews graduation. We are pretty excited about that! It looks like we will be able to make it as well as my other brother and his family. It doesn't look like my sister can make it, I'm hoping that will change. It would be great to have our entire family together to celebrate Anthony's graduation and my mom's 70th birthday.
Something else I'm looking forward to is reuniting with a group of childhood friends! We have plans to get together the beginning of August...we are all so excited. Everyone will be driving to Charleston for a long weekend. It is going to be amazing!!
I guess that's it for tonight. I'm praying tomorrow will be a feel good, Jackass free day :)
Aside from dealing with hunger today was a pretty productive day; a good day for the most part. I hope tomorrow goes well. Some days are too unpredictable for me to handle. I am disappointed that I didn't get some things done that I planned today once I got home. The boys cleaned up a good part of the garage for me yesterday so I could start working out in there again. I wanted to finish it up tonight and get started on some things but I got caught up with homework and I am just pooped besides. Hopefully tomorrow evening I'll be able to get in there and do what needs to be done. My other plan is to do both 30 minute classes at work on Tuesday and Thursdays. There is a couple of reasons why I feel the need to start doing this, but one being that I feel like I just need more workout time. I'm going to give it a try and see how I feel at the end of the week. If it's too much then I will have to change my plan.
I'm not really looking forward to being hungry again tomorrow...I know crankiness will kick in and I'm sure I will offend someone in some unintentional way but I really don't think I'm going to give a flying flip.
On to more exciting things...I am very excited for the lady I am working with and the GREAT news he received today. It's been a rough few weeks for her and, although I don't know all the fact, it looks likes thing will be working out well...Praise God for prayers answered!
I spoke to my mom tonight and there is a very good chance they will be going to FL the end of May for my nephews graduation. We are pretty excited about that! It looks like we will be able to make it as well as my other brother and his family. It doesn't look like my sister can make it, I'm hoping that will change. It would be great to have our entire family together to celebrate Anthony's graduation and my mom's 70th birthday.
Something else I'm looking forward to is reuniting with a group of childhood friends! We have plans to get together the beginning of August...we are all so excited. Everyone will be driving to Charleston for a long weekend. It is going to be amazing!!
I guess that's it for tonight. I'm praying tomorrow will be a feel good, Jackass free day :)
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Plan A, B, C.....Hmmm, No, I think I'm up to Plan Q...
Well here we are again...does it ever end? No! I can't let it, not yet. What's the new plan...the new plan is to go back to the old plan. I'm starting with a fast/detox then straight into clean eating <sigh>
The good thing is that there is much inspiration around me at home, at work and with friends. I spent a couple of hours with a great group of ladies this afternoon who have their fitness plans; they are prepared and executing them. We are gathering weekly for a small group bible study/support system. We've been talking about doing this for a few months and we finally pulled it all together today. Now that we have it started I think we will keep it going.
Today's church service hit me pretty hard today. Tears ran down my face practically the entire time. It gave me a lot to think about. I struggle with the feeling that something was taken away from me before its time, that I was a convenience, used, disrespected then left to feel completely worthless. A few months ago I vowed to push those feelings aside, and I did. It's been great until things were stirred up again today. But at the end of the message, it was said that because it didn't work or go as planned the first time doesn't mean it has to end. This made me feel better; as if there were still hope for what I want to do and how I want to look and feel.
I found someone I think I just might be able to rely on. Someone one who at times will be hard on me, even make me cry. But that someone will always be here; never turn their back on me, walk away from me. I won't ever have to worry about what this person is thinking, I'll always know. There will be no guesses, no games, no assumptions, questions, concerns, misunderstandings...nothing like that. We start tomorrow...it's a new beginning...yes, ANOTHER new beginning, but a beginning nonetheless.
The good thing is that there is much inspiration around me at home, at work and with friends. I spent a couple of hours with a great group of ladies this afternoon who have their fitness plans; they are prepared and executing them. We are gathering weekly for a small group bible study/support system. We've been talking about doing this for a few months and we finally pulled it all together today. Now that we have it started I think we will keep it going.
Today's church service hit me pretty hard today. Tears ran down my face practically the entire time. It gave me a lot to think about. I struggle with the feeling that something was taken away from me before its time, that I was a convenience, used, disrespected then left to feel completely worthless. A few months ago I vowed to push those feelings aside, and I did. It's been great until things were stirred up again today. But at the end of the message, it was said that because it didn't work or go as planned the first time doesn't mean it has to end. This made me feel better; as if there were still hope for what I want to do and how I want to look and feel.
I found someone I think I just might be able to rely on. Someone one who at times will be hard on me, even make me cry. But that someone will always be here; never turn their back on me, walk away from me. I won't ever have to worry about what this person is thinking, I'll always know. There will be no guesses, no games, no assumptions, questions, concerns, misunderstandings...nothing like that. We start tomorrow...it's a new beginning...yes, ANOTHER new beginning, but a beginning nonetheless.
Monday, February 11, 2013
A Virus....BLECK!
Well Justin and I woke up this morning still feeling crappy. He and I headed to the doctor so we could be surrounded by 20 other sicker people.After strep tests and blood work it was determined we have a virus...a miserable virus. Justin seems better this evening and I'm better to...thank God...we are heading into 2 full days of training and the last thing I want to be feeling is bad.
So of course I get weighed at the doctors office and I am not happy with the scale. I'm sort of baffled with the number going up and down like they are. I knew I wasn't great over the weekend and I have had my moments over the weekends but there should still be more progress especially at this point.
Seeing this has made my mind up and made me realize I need to attack this and stop this non sense. I am going to give up processed foods and bad carbs completely for Lent. I should be able to lose an easy 20 lbs. just by doing this.
I always feel like something gets in my way...like this week I wanted to start weight training at home; I can give you the 2 or 3 reasons why I did not but they are just damn excuses at this point. I need to get that fight back into me...the fight I had a couple of years ago when I tackled whatever got in my way of eating well and working out. Everything I need is either already embedded in me or at my fingertips. Lent starts Wednesday...I'm going to mentally prepare myself for this and prove to myself that I can do this again.
I'm pretty excited about how things are going at work with our wellness program. Most participants are excited about what we are doing...others semed either concerned or nervous. Of course there are always things that can be tweaked, but for the most part it is the most successful its ever been. We had a couple of pretty excited participants this morning when we were playing with a new piece of equipment I picked up this weekend. It just makes me smile to see how excited people get over some things. It's pretty awesome.
Well I'm going to try to keep my blog daily once Lent begins; it's going to be tough times but I can do it!
So of course I get weighed at the doctors office and I am not happy with the scale. I'm sort of baffled with the number going up and down like they are. I knew I wasn't great over the weekend and I have had my moments over the weekends but there should still be more progress especially at this point.
Seeing this has made my mind up and made me realize I need to attack this and stop this non sense. I am going to give up processed foods and bad carbs completely for Lent. I should be able to lose an easy 20 lbs. just by doing this.
I always feel like something gets in my way...like this week I wanted to start weight training at home; I can give you the 2 or 3 reasons why I did not but they are just damn excuses at this point. I need to get that fight back into me...the fight I had a couple of years ago when I tackled whatever got in my way of eating well and working out. Everything I need is either already embedded in me or at my fingertips. Lent starts Wednesday...I'm going to mentally prepare myself for this and prove to myself that I can do this again.
I'm pretty excited about how things are going at work with our wellness program. Most participants are excited about what we are doing...others semed either concerned or nervous. Of course there are always things that can be tweaked, but for the most part it is the most successful its ever been. We had a couple of pretty excited participants this morning when we were playing with a new piece of equipment I picked up this weekend. It just makes me smile to see how excited people get over some things. It's pretty awesome.
Well I'm going to try to keep my blog daily once Lent begins; it's going to be tough times but I can do it!
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Damn, I Totally Jinxed Myself!
Just Friday I stood outside my bosses door and explained to her that I never get sick when the rest of the family is. I told her I usually feel a bit out of sorts but I don't get hit hard with it. Well, CRAP if I wasn't sick as a dog this weekend and laid up in bed most of it. I was sick to my stomach, headache, and so tired. A was running a low fever and achey. When I woke up this morning my stomach felt better bit then poor Justin woke up with a fever, headache, and stomach ache. I felt so bad for him. He laid down with me for a while then we started giving him Motrin and lots of fluids. He has beenquiet and out of sorts all day but says he feels better. We'll see how he feels when he wakes up in the morning.
As for me, when I don't feel well I feel the need to eat crackers, pretzels and drink gingerale. I always seem to feel that eating something sweet will make me feel better but it really doesn't. Today I feel puffy...not so much bloated but puffy from the salt and bread type stuff. I'm looking forward to getting back to eating "normally" tomorrow.
I've been really thinking about getting back on Paleo a lot lately. With that thought, my husband asked me what I am giving up for Lent. So, I'm thinking why not give up processed foods. I have never been able to complete 4 straight weeks of Paleo without cheating. Well if I decide this is something I need to sacrafice for God for all he sacraficed for me, I should be able to...right? Well, I'm not sure. It's a sacrafice I need to make, I'm just trying to evaluate if this is something I feel I can do successfully. I have 2 more days to think and pray about it before I make my final decision.
I also need to get my weekends on track. I have been doing great with my eating during the week but not so well on the weekends. My schedule during the week is ideal...the weekends are so unpredictible.
I'm working at taking my life a day at a time. WHatever is not in my day will not be a thought...if it is a thought, I try to erase it. It's not something that always works, especially when I need to be proactive haha but it helps with lots of other things.
As for me, when I don't feel well I feel the need to eat crackers, pretzels and drink gingerale. I always seem to feel that eating something sweet will make me feel better but it really doesn't. Today I feel puffy...not so much bloated but puffy from the salt and bread type stuff. I'm looking forward to getting back to eating "normally" tomorrow.
I've been really thinking about getting back on Paleo a lot lately. With that thought, my husband asked me what I am giving up for Lent. So, I'm thinking why not give up processed foods. I have never been able to complete 4 straight weeks of Paleo without cheating. Well if I decide this is something I need to sacrafice for God for all he sacraficed for me, I should be able to...right? Well, I'm not sure. It's a sacrafice I need to make, I'm just trying to evaluate if this is something I feel I can do successfully. I have 2 more days to think and pray about it before I make my final decision.
I also need to get my weekends on track. I have been doing great with my eating during the week but not so well on the weekends. My schedule during the week is ideal...the weekends are so unpredictible.
I'm working at taking my life a day at a time. WHatever is not in my day will not be a thought...if it is a thought, I try to erase it. It's not something that always works, especially when I need to be proactive haha but it helps with lots of other things.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
An evening that was miserable, weather wise, turned out to be a great family night! TJ called me before I arrived home and said, "what do you want to do for dinner cause this bitch is tired of cooking?" My response, "did you just call yourself a bitch?" and we both just laughed. So, I went home and picked them all up. We headed over to Parson Jacks at a nice quiet dinner and good conversation then headed over to Goodwill...Nick absolutely loves that place. We got some good stuff to haha. We found a Tommy Hilfiger bookbag that was brand new, never used, for $4; perfect for Justin! Once we were done thrift store shopping we headed home to take showers and relax.
Today was a pretty good day all around. Work was busy but I got lots done. I thought I just might die today when working out, turns out I didn't. In fact, I felt pretty bad all morning. I've been tired, achy in odd spots and nauseous. After the workout I felt a much better for a few hours. The workout on the other hand was a minor mess haha. We had to do 5 sit ups, 10 push ups, 15 squats every minute on the minute 20 rounds. Sounds easy but its not at all. It soon got to the point where I couldn't get to the squat and I was doing sit ups and push ups...I never wanted to do squats so bad in my life haha and then he told those who were falling behind to start with the squats. Ahhh...what a relief...the best thing I heard the trainer say in a long time haha.
It was tough, the push ups were really getting to my lower back so after we were done I grabbed a lacrosse ball and laid on it to loosen up my back. What a difference that made! I have an appointment with the chiropractor tomorrow which will help. I missed my appointment last week, I can't believe how much my back tightens up when I don't see him.
We have a busy weekend ahead of us then a busy week after that. I won't be participating in any group workouts next week, I am on my own. I'm kind of looking forward to it...I actually have a plan and workouts from the trainer. We have some garage cleaning to do (big time) so I can start doing my thing again...I'm excited about using all that equipment I have in our garage...it's going to be fun!
Today was a pretty good day all around. Work was busy but I got lots done. I thought I just might die today when working out, turns out I didn't. In fact, I felt pretty bad all morning. I've been tired, achy in odd spots and nauseous. After the workout I felt a much better for a few hours. The workout on the other hand was a minor mess haha. We had to do 5 sit ups, 10 push ups, 15 squats every minute on the minute 20 rounds. Sounds easy but its not at all. It soon got to the point where I couldn't get to the squat and I was doing sit ups and push ups...I never wanted to do squats so bad in my life haha and then he told those who were falling behind to start with the squats. Ahhh...what a relief...the best thing I heard the trainer say in a long time haha.
It was tough, the push ups were really getting to my lower back so after we were done I grabbed a lacrosse ball and laid on it to loosen up my back. What a difference that made! I have an appointment with the chiropractor tomorrow which will help. I missed my appointment last week, I can't believe how much my back tightens up when I don't see him.
We have a busy weekend ahead of us then a busy week after that. I won't be participating in any group workouts next week, I am on my own. I'm kind of looking forward to it...I actually have a plan and workouts from the trainer. We have some garage cleaning to do (big time) so I can start doing my thing again...I'm excited about using all that equipment I have in our garage...it's going to be fun!
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Lord it has been a busy day! So thankful I made it through! Work has been busy as we are preparing for training sessions next week;finalizing presentations, handouts and logistics can be stressful on top of daily tasks but it is fun. I'm really looking forward to seeing how it all goes next week.
I absolutely love the ladies I get to spend my Wednesday evenings with. They are such a wonderful group of inspirational, non judgemental, fun ladies. I feel such peace when I am with them; they are so easy to share with. Since it's been so hectic the past month I haven't been able to spend much time with them; I really missed being around them. My husband is so awesome; he has given up one of his sports nights so I would be able to attend our small group more often.
Have you ever felt so good about yourself one day then the next day feel like crap? That was me today during our workout...it really sucked. I was so frustrated that I pretty much just gave up, this is not something I'm proud of. We had 5 minutes to do a 400 meter run (I think that's what it was) then do as many overhead presses as possible, when that 5 minutes was up we had to run again then more overhead presses...continue that until you reach 100 over head presses. It was so frustrating for me to spend most of the time on the run part and barely any time on the other. I hate it when I can't finish a workout....ugh! Oh, well tomorrow is a new day and a new workout, hopefully it will be a successful one for me I can't afford to lose what little confidence I have gotten back. I must say, from what little I did today, I am hurting haha.
Speaking of hurting, my darn big toe is hurting so bad. Every night when I get in bed it just throbs,,,weird. My toe nail is slowly coming off from the half marathon in December. I am doing my best at ignoring it because just the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach haha. Looks like I will be sporting a 3rd of a toenail during the summer months just like last year.
My eating was ok today...I could of have done without a few things but I'm not going to dwell on any of that. Otherwise it was all good and I was able to get a decent amount of water down.
Another day gone and I still feel at ease. There is much peace in our lives...is it perfect? Nope it's not. But everything I have in my life right now seems to be all I need.
I absolutely love the ladies I get to spend my Wednesday evenings with. They are such a wonderful group of inspirational, non judgemental, fun ladies. I feel such peace when I am with them; they are so easy to share with. Since it's been so hectic the past month I haven't been able to spend much time with them; I really missed being around them. My husband is so awesome; he has given up one of his sports nights so I would be able to attend our small group more often.
Have you ever felt so good about yourself one day then the next day feel like crap? That was me today during our workout...it really sucked. I was so frustrated that I pretty much just gave up, this is not something I'm proud of. We had 5 minutes to do a 400 meter run (I think that's what it was) then do as many overhead presses as possible, when that 5 minutes was up we had to run again then more overhead presses...continue that until you reach 100 over head presses. It was so frustrating for me to spend most of the time on the run part and barely any time on the other. I hate it when I can't finish a workout....ugh! Oh, well tomorrow is a new day and a new workout, hopefully it will be a successful one for me I can't afford to lose what little confidence I have gotten back. I must say, from what little I did today, I am hurting haha.
Speaking of hurting, my darn big toe is hurting so bad. Every night when I get in bed it just throbs,,,weird. My toe nail is slowly coming off from the half marathon in December. I am doing my best at ignoring it because just the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach haha. Looks like I will be sporting a 3rd of a toenail during the summer months just like last year.
My eating was ok today...I could of have done without a few things but I'm not going to dwell on any of that. Otherwise it was all good and I was able to get a decent amount of water down.
Another day gone and I still feel at ease. There is much peace in our lives...is it perfect? Nope it's not. But everything I have in my life right now seems to be all I need.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Is there really anything wrong with being in bed at 7PM?
I have been so sleepy lately...just one of those things I can't seem to shake. My poor husband isn't feeling well and has been running a fever. Looks like he may have aught something over the weekend. There are a few kids who where, and still are, sick over the weekend during the performance. So, he is resting and I am fighting to keep my eyes open so I don't wake up at 2AM.
My plan, as far a diet and exercise goes, is to have a GREAT February! So far I am off to a good start and everything seems to be falling into place. The eating has been great; been prepping and sticking to what I'm planning out. My workout today was close to pretty good. It was tough but I got through it. I am hurting now...I have that pretty great soreness going on which I can deal with; it's the back pain the throws me for a loop...that I don't want and can absolutely do without. Certain exercises seem to get to it more than others so I really just need to smile though it.
I am very excited about starting up strength training. The plan is to get into 2 strength workouts a week. I'm really hoping this will be what I need to boost my confidence a bit more and keep me going. So starting this week I will have 3 regular workouts, 2 strength workouts, and a walk/run in there somewhere. I am slowly but surely getting back to everything I was doing when I had success.
Other areas of my life are peaceful right now. There are things happening around me that are upsetting; I pray for people and situations regularly, but I am not letting the situations others are in consume me. I am empathetic and I will do what I can to help anyone but I had to do something with the emotions that overwhelm me.
Another thing I realized is that I am not allowing others to get the best of me. I'm more aware now then ever, that things I blamed myself for and beat myself up about were never all me. I have beat myself up many times for situations that came up. It is just too exhausting haha...I can't do it anymore. If a situation begins to get out of hand, negative, abusive, whatever...you get the point...I need to step away from it or just drop it. I am less of a problem than I think I am haha.
Well we shall see how successful this month is for me...I pray that I can maintain this outlook and that my life remains peaceful...I really believe with these 2 things I will have the success I'm hoping for.
My plan, as far a diet and exercise goes, is to have a GREAT February! So far I am off to a good start and everything seems to be falling into place. The eating has been great; been prepping and sticking to what I'm planning out. My workout today was close to pretty good. It was tough but I got through it. I am hurting now...I have that pretty great soreness going on which I can deal with; it's the back pain the throws me for a loop...that I don't want and can absolutely do without. Certain exercises seem to get to it more than others so I really just need to smile though it.
I am very excited about starting up strength training. The plan is to get into 2 strength workouts a week. I'm really hoping this will be what I need to boost my confidence a bit more and keep me going. So starting this week I will have 3 regular workouts, 2 strength workouts, and a walk/run in there somewhere. I am slowly but surely getting back to everything I was doing when I had success.
Other areas of my life are peaceful right now. There are things happening around me that are upsetting; I pray for people and situations regularly, but I am not letting the situations others are in consume me. I am empathetic and I will do what I can to help anyone but I had to do something with the emotions that overwhelm me.
Another thing I realized is that I am not allowing others to get the best of me. I'm more aware now then ever, that things I blamed myself for and beat myself up about were never all me. I have beat myself up many times for situations that came up. It is just too exhausting haha...I can't do it anymore. If a situation begins to get out of hand, negative, abusive, whatever...you get the point...I need to step away from it or just drop it. I am less of a problem than I think I am haha.
Well we shall see how successful this month is for me...I pray that I can maintain this outlook and that my life remains peaceful...I really believe with these 2 things I will have the success I'm hoping for.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
And Thats A Wrap!
The first show of the year is done! Wow...its been crazy, stressful, and oh so wonderful!
Joe had a great show...he is always such fun to watch. It was fun to see him on stage with his sweet little girlfriend, Tallulah, hanging on his arm. He even had to give her a fake kiss haha. We are always amazed, and we know we are beyond blessed, when we see all the people who make it out to the theatre to see the performances. We are so thankful to everyone. Its always such a fun surprise to see who pops in to see the show.
Nick joined the tech group this year. Now that has been a new experience for us all. He would meet with them twice a month starting in September or October then around show time they meet more often. Show week was crazy. He had to load the truck on Sunday, be at the theatre at 8AM on Monday to unload the truck; they were done by 5PM which meant no school. Tuesday was tech run through. Wednesday was the first dress rehearsal, Thursday was dress with makeup rehearsal, Friday and Saturday shows. The Saturday after the show was the strike. The tech crew had to stay after the show, pack, and load the truck. Nick was exhausted and just wanted to head home. He had a tough time accepting the fact that he had to stay and do this. I hated to leave him when he was upset but it was part of the responsibility he agreed to and I wasn't about to let him walk away from it. He called us after a little while and said they were headed back to CYC's Warehouse so we left to go meet him. Turns out he had a blast! My husband and I helped Nick and the rest of the crew unload the truck then we all headed to Waffle House for something to eat. What a great groups of people. Today at 2 they tech crew met at the warehouse again to put everything in its place and then had a party afterwards. They ate and watched the video from the show. Nick said he had the best time...How I love to hear him say that. I'm sure he didn't interact too much with the others but he loved listening to them and watching them. I pray that he sticks with this and keep on enjoying it; I know that he will find his comfort zone within the group and start interacting and forming friendships.
Now what about Justin...well he just loved the show and would probably do anything to be the president of the January Little Fan Club. He adores this guy! January is in the Senior Company and had a lead role. He was awesome and so much fun to watch. Justin never goes to more than 1 show but just had to so he could see January again. Justin even purchased a picture of January from the memorabilia table. After the show my husband saw January and told him how much Justin liked him and wanted his autograph. January was so surprised. He went outside and when he saw Justin he yelled out to everyone on the crowded city street and said :Hey everyone this is m friend Justin, say hi to him" It was so sweet, Justin had the biggest smile on his face. Justin told January that he bought his picture with the money he got from the tooth fairy.
My boys just make me smile...they are my heart. They are all so different yet each one of them is perfect. I love them so darn much. I can't imagine what my life would be like without them.
As for me...I need to get mas a$$ back on my diet. I have slacked! No excuses here though, I didn't plan well and I made bad choices. I'm looking forward to getting back on track tomorrow. I really want to have a successful February. I have small goals that I've set for myself and I really don't want to screw them up so early in the game haha.
My back has not been great; I'm hoping that with the play being over, stress will be less and that will help easy the tightness in my back. A huge load was lifted Wednesday morning...yes, prayers were answered again. I am so thankful to God for this one particular blessing that is really going to be such a tremendous help to us.
I'm excited about a new small group Bible study we will be doing. It will only be a few ladies...who have been wanting to do something together for a couple of months. I received all of our materials today, now we just have to start meeting and sharing. It's going to be a great experience!
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