Well today nearly did me in.  My morning started off with a broken back door, lots of frustration, and a stubborn dog.  After that things seemed to settle down until....dunn dunn dunn dunnnnn...I had to workout.  I was so excited about yesterdays workout and today's was grooling.  That's not the worst part.  The worst part is that I am struggling with doing well.  My breathing was horrible, I couldn't move fast enough...epic fail as my sons would say haha. 

I'm doubting Wednesday workouts, I;m not so sure they're for me anymore.  Wednesday is an hour of intensity.  Tuesday/Thursday is 30 minutes.  That extra 30 minutes is a killer. My back was in pretty bad shape today.  It felt ok until we had to do burpees; it was a mess after that.  I tried though, I really did. I did some reps then tried to walk off or stretch away the pain but the run at the end aggravated it more.

The way things turned out with working out has just torn me apart (littlebit of drama there).  I never ever thought I would feel so heartbroken over exercise.  It almost sounds ridiculous but it's true.  This has got to me the most frustrating thing I have ever gone through.  To know I had the ability to do something a year ago and to see how much I regressed in 12 months is disgusting.

I am working on not beating myself up about this, in fact, I haven't in a while.  But for some reason today it all kind of hit me again.  When ever one of my co-worker-outers (new word) told me I was doing great it just got to me.  I want to hear that, but I just don't see it because I am comparing myself to where I was over a year ago.  I wish I could understand why this crap is even popping up again...like I said its been a while since I've felt this way.

Ugh...anyway...I just want to not care about this.  I'm trying but it's not working.  It's clear to me that when you don't care you don't hurt but then it still hurts while going through that darn I don't want to care process (got all that).  I don't know how some people do it so easily...I wish I could.