Finally!

After a failed workout yesterday I am excited to say that today was so much better. I walked away from it feeling proud! My time wasn't amazing but I finished first. I stayed focused, I tried to transition quickly, and I didn't talk during the workout. Yay for me! I think it's now time to to work on my push-ups, which have been very girlesque since I hurt my back last year. I really needed this to boost my confidence, especially after yesterday.

For the past 3 years I have been such an advocate for this journey I've been on, our program at work, and the trainer I worked with.  Since my mind has been changed some things have been very difficult for me to deal with when it comes to everything that has to do with this.  I had such a strong belief that becoming more involved in this was something I could do and I thought these things were coming from God, directly to me...there seemed to be so many signs that had me pointed in this direction and it was beyond exciting for me.  After all is said and done, it is clear that I was way off base.  The more I thought about it, the more I realized that really couldn't be Gods will after seeing how it all turned out.  Now I am going through this acceptance process haha.

But what I do see and what means so much to me is how the participants in our bootcamp at work have stepped up to be the motivators, cheerleaders, etc.  I was always afraid this program would die down for whatever reason but it is still going strong.  I feel confident that when the trainer is gone, we will be able to find another, if I step away from this, there will be others to jump right in to organize and keep it on track.  I've realized that I'm not important to the program, the trainer isn't all that important, it's the participants that are most important and as time goes by everyone is becoming more confident and independent, and extremely supportive of each other.  Now after almost 4 years of this wild roller coaster ride as I sit here today with a horrible amount of weight gain and disappointment, I can honestly say that it is so rewarding to me to see how our program at work has affected people.  That is the success story here; out of all that I experienced, it was that program that was meant to be the success and those who were participating in it that were meant to benefit most. 

Well it looks like someone got into our bank account. We were slammed with 10 overdraft charges and received a letter from the bank that our account number somehow got our. Lovely. I'm not stressing I'll just visit the bank tomorrow and see what needs to be done. Blah...what a way to start the weekend.  But to my surprise, I am not freaking out.

Headed back to the doctor today for a follow up on this lump on my breast.  One look and he decided it needed to come out.  When I first saw him he said it would just be a minor procedure...looks like that has changed.  It will end up being about a 2 1/2-3" incision and stitches...BOOO(B)!  Then they will send it out for a biopsy which I think is just the routine thing to do. This doctor of mine is a trip.  He just makes me laugh.  While I'm lying on the table, he's trying to explain the procedure.  He then says, "wait, let me just draw it out for you" then proceeds to draw on my boob...crazy man that he is haha.

Well in addition to a good workout the diet was great again today.  I weighed at the doctor and my weight is the same which is OK with me.  I'm not getting weigh crazy I just want to make sure it doesn't go up.  I lost sight of it for a while, I can't let that happen again.