Here I am again...

This is for you Jennifer...just because I was thinking it and you said it today :)

Here I am, back to square 1.  In the past 12 months I have lost focus, regressed in my workouts and gained weight.  It's been a tough year I have a lot of work to do on myself mentally and physically.  My biggest problem, I believe, was that I became too dependent on my support system, which has changed throughout the years, but has now diminished quite a bit.  Please don't take that as an excuse, its really not, its more of a realization.  So how do I fix this?  I have a plan, I'm not so sure it's the right thing to do or not, but I have officially started to work on myself with just the support of my boys for the next 4-6 weeks.  This may not seem like a big deal to anyone but for me it is.  I want to do this until I know I have the confidence to do this without anyone else.  Once I have gained this confidence I plan to go back to the group at work then I'm hoping to go back to my one on one training in January.

In the mean time, I have officially hired a "personal trainer" who will be paid in a video game every 2 months.  The deal is that he has to workout with me.  Yup, he can run the workouts, make them up, I can tweak them; it will be fun, frustrating, and tough all at the same time.  After the 1st official day he sat down and asked me what I ate.  I'm thinking together my sweet little 10 year old and I can support each other to reach our goals.

For the next few weeks I'll be seeing a chiropractor to help with all the tightness, pain, etc that I've been having daily in a addition to doing mobility stuff.  Pain has been one of the toughest things for me to deal with. Ya I can work through it, but its just a matter of time before it gets into my head and discourages me.

There is much to be done!  I am leary about being on my own...but here I go.  Praying things go well for the next few weeks. I really need to convince myself that I have some worth so I can stay on track and finish the damn journey once and for all.

There you go Jen...how was that haha.