I have to say, it just blows my mind when I look at my blog stats to see how many people read it in the US and other countries ha ha...anyway...
Day 2 on my own is going well. Today was the first workout I missed since I decided to make an attempt at gaining my independence. It was tough...there was a definite void in my day. The fact that I wasn't sweating and smelling myself while at my desk at 1PM was a pretty uncomfortable feeling. My day was kind of dragging and my anxiety level was elevated mid afternoon. I really missed it. Crazy how you can grow so attached to something like exercise.
The nice thing is that I had lunch with my husband. It's only 30 minutes of time spent with him, but its 30 minutes of just us catching up on things with no interruptions. This is also a great way for me to keep my eating on track...although he did make it known to me that it is National Cheeseburger Day ha ha. As long as we don't leave the building we are safe from the dangers of fast food and we will eat the lunch we packed from home.
I begged my husband to please help me get back on track. I think it's hard for him at times to stop me from eating, especially when I'm upset or anxious. He knows food is my "drug", it's what comforts me. I hope that I will soon be in a place that I can celebrate the little and big things in life, enjoy food and drink as we celebrate but do it when there are no emotional attachments to food involved...if that makes any sense.
He and I grabbed a bite to eat out last night. We purposely decided on a place that had good salads. We did great with that simply because we had a plan and didn't stray from it. I'm pretty proud of my first and second day so far; I also know the first few days are easy for me. It's the weekend and getting through the 4th week I fear , which is when I usually fail my self.
I'm keeping a food and exercise journal; I'm also making some other notes as to how I feel physically and emotionally. One of my goals is to come up with a "distraction" for when I feel a binging episode coming on. My initial idea was to just go in the garage and jump on the rowing machine and do sprints. Love that thing! I haven't been faced with the urge to binge yet...I'm praying it stays away from me.
My trainer posted a video last night that triggered some emotions. I'm know he posted it for laughs only but I found more than just humour in it. I laughed, then I went into over thinking mode because I was able to completely relate to everything the girl in the video said and what was said back to her. What hit me pretty hard was when she said something about being bulimic and the guys response was "stop it!" I wish eating disorders were that easy to stop. Maybe some people can just stop at any given time, I don't know; I do know a few people who battle with eating disorders for life. So I'm going to post it, because it is good for a laugh, and if you me, chances are you know how well I fit this ladies roll from being in therapy, bulimia, to feeling like people think I just need to "stop it" right down to all the excuses I would make. This was a good video for me to see, it was sort of like an "out of body experience ha ha. It turned out to be a pretty positive moment for me. Here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-Tej0297wk
I really enjoyed talking to Justin today about how my eating was today. We discussed on our way home from his Karate program. While I was cooking dinner this evening he came over and said, "alright let me see what you got cooking over there." Ah that kid makes me smile; I just love how this kid loves me.
After only 2 days I have a good feeling about things simply because I started taking care of myself again. I'm hoping I will be able to get rid of that worthless feeling I have and fix my broken spirit when it comes to exercise and nutrition. I do believe I will succeed!.
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