What a weekend…what a week…what a month it’s been so far.  I almost can’t remember my last post; it’s been a while since I blogged.

Life has been good for the most part…the most important things in my life are perfect.  My kids. my husband, my family.  I’m struggling with a few things…work, business associates, friends, finances, diet/workouts.

The boys had a nice, relaxing spring break.  We headed to Edisto Friday and spent the day on a chilly beach and all ended up with sunburn.  My poor oldest got it the worst because he had no shirt on.  He is doing okay…as long as no one touches him.  Going back to school tomorrow will be a bittersweet moment but they only have 6 weeks to go before summer vacation.  Today TJ and I spent time outside doing some yard work.  We made lots of progress but still have lots of works to do.  We are prepping for our spring/summer garden.  We stopped by a nursery yesterday and decided to try growing blueberries, strawberries, and grapes.  I am beyond excited about this!  We are hoping to have the area ready for them within the next two weeks.

As for my struggles….hmmm where do I begin?  As for work, it has been busy (which is always a great thing) but when it’s busy in our department it means changes.  Changes are usually positive but at times it takes some sorting to see all the good that comes out of it.  Still any change for me is stressful to some extent.  Finances…like most people these days it is a struggle and has been for the last few years.  We’ve heard lots of great things about Dave Ramsey’s program so we are going to give it a shot.  Since I’ve heard so many great things I contacted his organization and have been put in touch with someone who teaches his program.  I’ll be meeting with him next week to discuss the possibilities of having the program taught at work.

Diet and workouts… after a conversation last week with my trainer I realized I was struggling more than I thought…what a disappointment this was for me.  I’ve been putting a lot of thought into things; I’m trying to figure out where the problems lie this time for me.  The one thing we discussed was my leg that still has numbness.  This is one of my biggest struggles and something that gets into my head way too much.  I’m trying to figure out how to stop this from happening.  After all the blood work I had from testing with the MS and then with the functional neurologist it seems as though I may have digestive/absorption issues.  My blood work showed that my protein and B-12 levels were low.  I even tested positive for a parasite of some sort. I’m going to start with a gastrologist to see if they can direct me. I haven’t been feeling well the last few weeks even when eating really well…so…I’m not sure where to go with this.  I started vitamin B-12 shots and feel a difference so I’m hopeful this will resolve part of the problem. There are lots of little things that are affecting me right now in a negative way and I’m not sure who to turn to at this point for help.  So for now I am having all my physicals and preventative testing done to get things out of the way before I head back to MUSC is a couple of months for my follow up MRI and spinal puncture.

Other than that, I feel as though I have disappointed myself and a few others.  Being an advocate for health and promoting wellness at work and to friends and family is an amazing and rewarding feeling; I love it!  But it is times like this, when I am struggling with myself, my workouts, my self-esteem, the way I look…and knowing that I have disappointed kills me inside.  It has me seriously considering seeing a therapist again.  I think at this point I need to stop considering it and just do it.  I spoke to TJ about it a few times…I think I am just avoiding the inevitable. I really need to understand this problem I have so I can move forward.