And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose. Romans 8:28

This week started with some amazing news…nothing was about to bring me down from the high I was being on after finding out that I do not have MS.  Don’t get me wrong, there were a few things that threw me off in the last 2 or 3 days but I kept bringing myself back to the good news I heard Monday. 

So what exactly was it that threw me…1st it was a conversation with a good friend who was upset by another…OY!  I hate it when people I care about are hurt; especially when I can so easily relate because we have experienced much of the same things in life.  She is someone whose pain I can literally feel.  But she is strong, stronger than she will ever give herself credit for, and although she was badly hurt, I know in my heart she will be able to move forward, be successful, and get those results she wants.  Yup, she is that awesome!!! 

THEN came Friday…Friday, what could possibly go wrong on Friday?  It started with an e-mail from Nick’s teacher stating she is concerned about him and that he did not hand in his homework this week…UGH!  This kid has been doing great in school since we took him off his medicine.  All A’s and B’s…except for Pre-Algebra.  He is struggling with that class. He wasn’t doing homework and was not doing well on tests and quizzes.  So we’ve been on him, he’s been doing his part, so we thought, and then I get this email. 
As soon as I see him I ask him about his homework…he said he did it.  I’m totally confused…so what’s up with this email from his teacher?????  That is something we need to get to the bottom of. 

As I’m leaving work and driving downtown to pick up Nick after school I get a call from the hubster informing me that our lights were turned off in a way that fits only his definition of calm.  There was nothing I could do at this point so I told him to call and pay over the phone with the debit card.  He says ok and we hang up.  I drive about a mile on the interstate and it comes to a screeching halt…What The Heck!  I need to be downtown in 20 minutes to get my poor son who goes to a really GREAT school that not located in the best area.  So I call him and tell him I will be late and to wait for me inside.

While I’m sitting in traffic the hubster calls me back to tell me the debit card was declined…again, what the heck?  He told me it has to be paid within the hour (by 6PM) or it will be out for the weekend (again he is speaking to me in his “calm” tone) so we agreed he should head to the office and just go there and pay it in person.  We hang up and I continue to creep down the interstate, almost in tears because I don’t want Nick waiting to long for me. 

At 530PM, 30 minutes before the deadline to pay the electric bill, my cool, calm, and oh so collected husband calls me back to inform me that the office closes at 5PM.   GREAT!!  So I take a deep breath and asked him to call them back and just pay phone and give them the checking account information.  He goes into a “minor” panic and tells me he doesn’t have the phone number.  I told him it was on the bill and asked if he had it, which he did.  So we hung up so he could call. 

With that the traffic started to clear so I was able to drive a few miles at a decent speed and actually made up for lost time.  THEN…it all backs up again…Geez Louise!  Oh, that’s right, there are 40,000 people that need to pick up their race packets for the Cooper River Bridge Run tonight.  Why in God’s name did they not go pick them up the night before when there was hardly anybody out?  So I crept along until I was able to get off the interstate then I kind-a sort-a drove on the wrong side of the road (there were 12 cars making a right turn and I needed to make a left) so I could get to Nick.  There he was safe and sound and I was less than 10 minutes late…thank you God…with all that messy traffic.  Just before I arrived at Nick’s school TJ called me to tell me that he was able to pay the bill over the phone and he was headed back home.

Nick and I had a good long talk about his homework.  He was very confused because he did do it and was able to show it all to me once we arrived home AND we were able to see his homework because by the time we got there the electric was back on.  At this point I was exhausted so we ate and just headed up to
bed because we all had to get up early for Justin’s Karate belt test.

Here it is Saturday morning!  Justin’s big day.  He was up and ready to go early since he made sure he was asleep by 830 the night before.  He was so excited he even asked Joe to help him with his hair.  It was the sweetest thing to watch Joe stand on his toe’s to brush his “little” brothers hair.  So we head to the gymnasium where they are holding the ceremony.  There’s like 200 kids and all kinds of karate people.  At 9:00AM sharp they get started with the test.  There were 2 kids that came in just after 9AM, like a couple of minutes after 9AM and they were not allowed to take their test.  THEY ARE STRICT…and so they should be.  It just breaks my heart, for the kids, whose parents can’t get them there on time.

So we watched Justin do his thing…he is serious about this stuff!  He did okay, he was a little distracted but it was great to watch.  He knew all his moves!!  Once they completed everything they sat with the judges and they reviewed their test scores, told them what they did right and wrong, and informed them if they passed.  We were waiting patiently for Justin to meet with the judge who reviewed his group.  As we are waiting, Justin’s Sensei came over to us and took TJ outside to talk to him.  At that moment my heart broke.  TJ walked back in and looked at me with a sad face and shook his head.  Of course I started to cry.  Sensei David wanted us to know ahead of time that Justin didn’t pass his test because he knew how upset he would be.  He missed one thing…it was a squat type move that had to be held and they couldn’t come out of it until they were told to.  And Justin, being just like his mom, couldn’t hold his squat and came up out of it for a moment.  Sensei told TJ that the re-test wasn’t until Wednesday, but he would allow Justin to do that part over on Monday, in front of his class, and he will give him new belt then…which just happens to be his 10th birthday (I am praying hard he gets it!)

So, now it’s Justin’s turn to talk to the judge.  He is sitting on the floor facing me and the judge has her back to us.  Then begin to talk and Justin has this huge smile on his face, she is telling him how great he did, he’s talking back all excited…then she dropped the bomb, his face went blank and I turned away.  I couldn’t bear to look at him and I didn’t want him to see my tears.  TJ went to get him and we headed out.  It took a while but he collected himself and is doing better.  It was a tough experience for him (and I) but a good lesson.  I’m so hopeful that he will pass the re-test on Monday.  I am so darn proud of that child; he has come so far in the last couple of years.

Things have settled for the night around here…we are all watching the 2012 Kids Choice Awards together.  I love these moments, I love my boys more than anything…my heart hurts when they are sad or disappointed.  I am so grateful to God that I never told them that I was diagnosed with MS.  There was a time that I was going to tell them; I had a book for them to read and everything.  I can only imagine how devastated they would have been reading that book.

Yup…it was a trying weekend.  But I thank God every day that the MS diagnosis was incorrect.  Even on the days when I feel down or something or someone upsets me, I need to remember how great things truly are and how blessed I am…I did that a lot yesterday and today 

What's Next for me?

Now that I have been officially "undiagnosed" I feel a little lost.  Don't get me wrong it's the best lost feeling I ever had.  I've been pretty distracted the last couple of days and sort of feeling disconnected since yesterday.  I'm trying to refocus and regroup and re-prioritize.

The first thing I needed to do was schedule an appointment with the doctor to have another MRI and spinal puncture in 3 months.  He said that if it was MS there should be some kind of change.  He wants to do this to confirm his "undiagnosis".  I'm waiting to hear back from his office about the day and time.

In the meantime, I need to get my mammography done and pay a visit to my OB/GYN, I am over 2 years past due on that.  Now that I have peace of mind with the MS situation I am ready to handle these other things.  I need to remember to call the offices and schedule appointments...I always remember when its either too early or too late to call.

Looks like my weight loss has become the priority again which is perfect because we are doing a 30-day group detox at work using the Paleo diet.  It should be fun!  Clearly I've put on weight during the last few months and I need to get it off ASAP...I feel every ounce of it when I workout and when I get dressed.  My trainer was strongly suggesting I get back to running this week.  It was truly the best thing I did, well that combined with eating great consistently.  So that is something I am seriously considering.

I am so thankful that I have this opportunity to work on getting things back to where they were pre-misdiagnosis...it's a pretty great dilemma to have.

Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples! Sing to him, sing praises to him; tell of all his wondrous works! —Psalm 105:1-2

Today I wondered, more than any other day, how many more prayers God will answer for me.  Do we have a quota?  Is it an unlimited amount?  He has answered more prayers for me and loaded me up with strength during my weakest moments more in that past 10 months than ever before.  Now that I think about it, God probably has always done this for me.   Is it just that I have opened my heart so much to Him that I am seeing and feeling this all for the first time?

When I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis I was thrown but very accepting to it.  Within a few weeks and an overabundance of sympathy from so many I went into denial and became angry.  I began to slip into a depression so much so that I spoke to my doctor and he prescribed me antidepressants.  I never did pick them up from the drug store; I figured I was strong enough to handle it.  I knew that if I kept eating clean, working out, and staying focused I would get passed that stage.  Apparently I wasn’t as strong as I thought.  So many constantly commented on how well I was handling the news of having MS.  I was told that I was so brave, strong, etc.  I really wasn’t strong, not when it comes to me.  I can be strong for anyone else except for myself.

I prayed so hard that this diagnosis was wrong.  The thought of the possibility of becoming totally dependent on others and putting a huge burden on my husband and kids if I became disabled made me sick to my stomach.  I was afraid that I would get to a point that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my boys, my friends, and be able to help others.

Here again, I got in my own way, I put so many things on hold,  I stopped dead in my tracks, I wasted 6 months feeling sorry for myself and my family.  I almost feel as though I was tested and I failed.  So another lesson has been learned…there is no reason why I should have let this interfere with my life the way I did.  Granted, I handled this better than I would have a few years ago, but it proved that I still have a ways to go, I still have lots to learn, and I still need to learn to place my worries in God’s hands and place all my trust in Him.

Had I done that from the day I was diagnosed, I would have been a much better, healthier, and more fit Maria on the day, TODAY, when the MS Specialist at MUSC told me I was misdiagnosed. 

I am elated.  I am beyond grateful for my husband and his support, the skeptic in my life who I have this immense amount of trust in who didn’t believe I had MS from the get go, for my friend at work who repeatedly shared stories about her friend who was misdiagnosed with MS but it took years for Doctors to determine it. It was because of their persistence that I went for this second opinion and found out I do not have MS. 


It’s been a crazy 6 months and a very surreal day.  I am so grateful to so many for so many reasons and I Praise God for placing all of these wonderful people in my life that pushed me through this and for answering my prayers over and over again.

As for me…I researched this like I never researched anything before.  By the time I went for my second opinion I understood most of what the doctor said.  I asked good, intelligent questions.  I knew what I was talking about…I learned that I can trust myself, I can learn, and I can converse about something intelligently that I have knowledge of or that I have a passion for.  I found some confidence buried inside of me.  The confidence I need to succeed at a couple of things I really want but doubted myself on.  I am excited to have this feeling; there is no reason to doubt myself anymore.

Confused, confused, and even more confused...

It's been a great week with one exception...I was on a mission to get in touch with the neurologist who I saw for a second opinion for my MS diagnosis.  I called the office everyday to see if they found my MRI disk or to see if the doctor finally read everything, then again to see if the doctor was in.  I really wanted to know what was going on TODAY so I didn't have to worry about it over the weekend.

So what happens?  I get a call from his nurse to tell me the MRI of my brain is normal.  My response..."Normal, what does that mean? Does that mean it's normal for someone who has MS or does it mean it's normal for a regular brain?"  Clearly I was thrown.  Of course the nurse wouldn't answer any questions so she said she would go back to the doctor and get more information and either she or he would call me back.

I was so reluctantly excited.  I didn't want to get my hopes up, I kept telling myself to calm down and wait to hear back from the doctor to find out exactly what is going on and what this meant.  So I waited, and waited, and waited for that phone to ring...nothing...Guess I'll be calling them back Monday, again.

and the pain is gone once again...

Thank you Mr. Chiropractor for getting rid of that horrible pain I was in Sunday and Monday.  What a relief!! I was so afraid it was going to stick around for a while...2 days was more than enough.  I've been feeling pretty great all day.  My back feels good and my head is clear.

I called the neurologist, who is giving me a second opinion, to see if he reached a conclusion yet.  He needed to see the MRI to confirm the MS.  If the lesion is on an area of my brain that would cause my knee to be numb than he would confirm the diagnosis.  If it is not, he said we would have other problems haha...thanks!  Anyway, a friend of mine dropped the CD off last Tuesday.  Who ever took it didn't log it in and it cant be found <sigh> I need to call them back tomorrow to give them a description of the person who accepted the disk so they can search for it.  HOPEFULLY they will locate it so the doctor can read it and give me his decision.

Speaking of numb knees...unfortunately my right leg is now numb from the middle of my thigh to the bottom of my foot; so frustrating.  I'm thinking it may have gotten worse for the same reason that caused my back pain.

I'm excited about tomorrow...Melissa, a friend of hers and her trainer are coming to Charleston to do s photo shoot on the beach.  We are going to meet for lunch afterwards.  Melissa is that wonderful person that God dropped down right next to me in the corral right before we started our half marathon.  I am really looking forward to seeing her and catching up on things.

I am seriously considering going to the midnight showing of the Hunger Games Thursday night with Nick, his friend Cray and his mom.  I will need to either take off of work or go in late haha...I am that wimpy.  But, it should be lots of fun so we'll see if I can stay up that late.

Everything is going so well lately.  Everyone is happy in the household, work is busy, workouts are going okay, and the clean eating is going awesome...what more could I ask for?  Oh yeah, I could ask for the neurologist to hurry up and find my images so he can tell me I DO NOT have MS.

This morning I woke up such terrible pain.  My back was so tight; I forgot how bad the pain was.  I think after having the pain for so long I became used to it and learned to live with it.  After not having it for over 3 weeks then having it back…WOW!  I really wanted to cry.  I went down stairs to prepare breakfast for my boys and just worked it out as I was cooking.  It loosened up but the pain was still pretty so I ended up taking something for it.

Got passed the pain, as always, I never ever let any kind of pain get in my way, then we headed out to church with the boys and TJ.  I was so excited and so grateful to God, and Sharla, that TJ came.  I love when he attends with me.  It’s great to just sit there next to him, hold hands and listen.  We learned that our campus will be adding a Saturday evening service, which is great!  I was speaking to Sharla and agreed that it would be nice to do dinner then head to the service on Saturday evenings together with our families.

After church we headed out with the boys for a lite lunch and did a little bit of shopping then headed home.  TJ and I had some plans for a nice quiet belated birthday dinner, just the 2 of us, so I tried to get in a quick nap before we left.  Just as we were getting ready to leave it started to storm; lots of thunder and lightning so we just ignored the bad weather and headed out.

We walked into the restaurant, I look up and see a table full of all my favorite workout ladies…they surprised me!  No one can ever surprise me but they pulled it off.  With that, TJ left…he knew all along and helped them surprise me.  It was WONDERFUL!  I was so excited. We had a nice, fun dinner.  We always have a great time together. Thank you Shelly, Tammy, Kristine, and Keri!!!  AND a special thanks to TJ for keeping such a great secret!

Today was a great day…the entire weekend was nice.  Friday night we went to a school auction, spent time with some great friends, and won some great things.  One of the things we won was to have 1 room painted in our house…paint included…for $80!!  Originally we were going to pain Justin’s room but decided to do our instead since it is so big, odd shaped, a lot of trim work, and high ceilings.  Saturday I spent time with another friend; we did lunch and walked around downtown for a while.  The weather was beautiful and the company was great and very inspiring.

My birthday weekend was wonderful…it couldn’t have been any better.  Right from my surprise birthday workout to my surprise birthday dinner and everything in between.  I am so BLESSED!

Today was a pretty great day.  I'm very excited that Melissa, the lady I met in Savannah and who walked the ½ Marathon with me, is coming to Charleston Wednesday with a friend of hers; we are going to meet up at some point during the day for lunch.  It will be great to see her and catch up on some things.

I had a pretty awesome early birthday surprise today…my birthday workout J  if your trainer ever asks you how old you are…LIE haha I tried but it didn’t work.  Knowing how old I’ll be sent me into a minor panic but he had me do somethings that I love and have missed doing.  I had to do 46 reps of each exercise.  It was a tough workout for me and I realized that I have some work I need to do but I was very excited to start working with the bar again and extremely thankful for such a great surprise…Thank you Brent!

I feel great about some things; feeling very motivated to move forward and accomplish things that have sort of been in limbo.  I’m excited about these things…I am  ready,  ready and even more ready to reach my goals and bring this weight loss journey to an end so I can completely live out all that I have learned and help others do the same. I have so much to share when it comes to this.  I’ve learned so much, mostly, trial by error.  The hardest parts for me were  not learning what I needed to do but making the transitions into so many different things like eating healthier, applying it to my family’s lifestyle, dealing with all the emotions that were unburied, and conquering all those demons that tortured me for years. 

The only thing I need to make the transition into is a thin person.  I can’t wait to find out how that will feel, how I will look, and what I will experience so I can share that with others to.  Every transition has been bittersweet, emotional, and tearful but well worth every second of it and I truly believe that the very best is yet to come.

Yesterday a friend came into my office to see how I was doing.  She sat down and with much concern asked how I was doing.  I told her I was doing well and filled her in on how my recent doctor’s appointment went.  We started talking about weight gain and getting back on track.  She told me I was going to mention something to you about gaining weight.  My response was, “why didn’t you tell me sooner” and I laughed.  I explained to her that I don’t weigh myself; I haven’t since the summer time.  I knew my eating was off and I knew my clothes were not fitting the same but I truly had no idea how far it had gone.  I told her I needed for her to let me know if she sees it happening again.  She agreed J

It’s funny, funny in an odd way, that there are people I can handle hearing things about weight from and others who would make me angry if they say anything.  I honestly should have realized it more myself but my head was somewhere else for a while.  I’m feeling very determined to get back to where I was.  I’m trying to ignore the fact that I put weight on so I don’t get discouraged.

I’m sitting here now in PAIN from today’s work outs…that were almost identical.  It was tough the first time; the second time was certainly not easier.  I struggled with my running again tonight so instead of getting discouraged and associating with my leg I remembered that I struggled just as much, if not more, last summer and I thought about how far I came in a not so long amount of time.  I need to consistently put a positive spin on things.   After being “out of commission” for a while the pain and soreness I am experiencing is pure JOY so I need to be grateful that running is a struggle for me just because I am so thankful to God that I am able to run and I need to take advantage of it; I never know when the ability to do so could go away.

Me and My Bright Ideas...

So I had this “bright” idea to, since I am struggling with my running, use the running plan I have and just row it.  I figured that should be easy enough…HOLY CRAP!  My first row, which was where I left off on the plan when I was running, was for 20 minutes.  I’m not so sure I did well, I only went 2850 meters.  My poor legs were burning, I had to stop and shake them out a little bit, but considering I haven’t rowed in a while I think I may have done ok.  I’m looking more forward to the interval workouts…I think haha.

I was excited, that although I was hurting, the tingling and numbness didn’t get too much worse.  That is my biggest problem with running.  It seems instant, although I’m sure it’s not, that my entire leg begins to tingle then after a few minutes my leg feels so heavy.  It’s not that I can’t run; it immediately gets into my head, I think about it the entire time, then I get winded because I am not controlling my breathing.

Here is something really weird.  Never before have any of my teeth broke or chipped.  Within the last month I broke 2; one just broke the other day.  I’m not sure why or if it means anything.   I know my dentist has been on my case about getting some kind of mouth guard to sleep with.  He said I clinch my teeth so hard that it’s causing stress fractures…I guess that’s what it’s from.

I feel good today, I am really pleased that I’m not obsessing and waiting by the phone for the Neurologist to call.  I’m taking most things a day at a time and some other things by the minute or the hour. 

Been thinking lots about the appointment I had with a neurologist Thursday.  Feeling somewhat relieved that things made sense yet more afraid then before that I do actually have MS.  I was convinced I did not have it, that I was misdiagnosed since I, and 2 or 3 other doctors, associated all the pain and numbness with my back. 

After all the doctor had to say, I am preparing myself to move out of denial mode and into acceptance.  With that, there are things to consider once again like telling my boys, treatment options, etc.  The great thing is that I feel like I am much more familiar with MS and how it may be affecting me.

My focus now is not to become consumed, again, by this and allow it to take me over.  I need to remain focused on keeping my life balanced right from my family, work, friends, and eating, especially my eating.  When I throw my eating off there is a crazy domino effect and everything goes out of whack.  I’ve been working hard at making very positive changes as far as perspective, attitude, etc.  goes…the last thing I want to do is undo what I’ve accomplished so far.  My life has been so much more gratifying with those changes made.

Although today turned about to be a good day, I didn’t hear what I thought I would when I went for my 2^nd opinion.  The doctor and his intern were absolutely wonderful.  We spent over and hour this morning going over my test results and my sequence of events.  He was so precise and verbalized everything, even his doubts.  End result of the appointment, he is leaning towards agreeing with the MS diagnosis L Bummer; however, although he had the reports from the MRI he has not seen the images.  Before he decides he wants to see where the lesion and spots on my brain are located and if the area they are located in would affect the numbness in my leg.  If that doesn’t line up he may not agree with the diagnosis.  So, there is still a chance that things will go in my favor.

I will admit we had lots of fun during the appointment.  My friend Mary came along; she was great.  She was taking notes and asking questions that really helped me to understand things better.  I can’t thank her enough for being there for me today.

The worst part about the appointment was getting on the scale.  I haven’t been on one in months and months.  I didn’t want to step on it but I had no choice.  I didn’t have to look but I did anyway.  It may have been something I needed to see although it was no surprise.  So my hubby and I had a talked.  I asked him to please help me.  The eating has been much better and Brent is having me work on some fun stuff at home.  I have the tools and support I need I just need to be more committed and consistent than ever.

Well I keep you all posted on the diagnosis once the doctor has all the images and casts his final vote.  Just going to keep on praying and moving forward.  No more looking back, only going forward.

Have you ever had a group of people in your life that can almost instantly soothe you?  I have been blessed with a group just like that.  Just a few months ago I joined a Bible Study group.  Being the headcase that I tend to be, I was anxious about joining but this group has such a calming, comforting affect on me that those anxious feelings almost instantaneously went away.  To be around and learn from such kind,non judgemental people who are so strong and have so much faith is something I need in my life.

I am sitting here now wondering why I am not anxious about my doctors appointment tomorrow.  I'm excited to go but not torturing myself as I have done in the past.It is a great feeling to not be in the middle of a panic attack right now.  I feel relaxed and confident that I will walk out of the doctors office tomorrow content with the answers I get.

Today was a bit crazy at work...again.  Yup, there is a full moon tonight so that may explain a lot.  My boys is out through the end of next week so I am hoping to get lots done, especially a new wellness program I am working on.  I'm so excited about this!

I had a great couple of workouts today. I struggled with some running to and the ability to comprehend the workout haha, I forgot what I had to do next.  The workouts have been fun, our trainer is changing things up a bit and there seems to be more smiling and laughing going on during.  I adore the groups of people I workout with.  My eating was good again today.  Amazing how great thing are for me when I eat right and keep my head straight.

I have a couple of special girls I am keeping in my prayers tonight.  One who has a doctors appointment and another sweet baby who is visiting Duke to determine what is going on with her. Please keep them in your prayers as well.

What an exciting day it was.  First and most important thing today was a meeting with my sons teachers to work on his IEP for next year.  We compared the differences of him being on and off his medicine.  Amazingly enough his grades are better, he is much more social, interacting more, and participating more in class.  Only negative thing, he is talking and joking with the other kids a little more.  How bad is that...not bad at all, it made me smile.  He is doing so well that next year he will be 100% mainstreamed. There are still a few things we need to work on so the resource teacher will work with him in the regular classroom with his class; he won't be taken out of his classes. It was the best meeting we ever had since his diagnosis.  I am so proud of our son for all the obstacles he's overcome.

Right after the meeting at school I rushed to get to work.  It was 11:00 by the time I got in.  I had to workout at 1230 so I had just about enough time to get in get a few things done, eat, and change for my workout.  Than, right after my workout I had to clean up, change, and get to the chiropractor  by 130...it was a crazy day but it was great.

I was pretty excited about thing talked about during my training session.  We are going to be working on form, for one thing, on burpees.  The first time I ever saw or heard of a burpee, I almost died.  I couldn't even do one burpees.  I just could get myself down to the ground.  After a couple of years I can finally do them now it's time to perfect them.  I really learned a lot about what I was doing incorrectly and it made me more aware of what I need to do and why I need to do it.  The we talked about doing some heavy lifting...oh how I've missed that!  That was the second best thing I heard today.  I have some work to do on that as well; it's been a while since I've done that.  I feel so great about all this.  I feel like  I have a plan...prayers answered once again; Praise God!

Another awesome thing...I am going on my 8th day of no back pain...YAY!  I may get a bit of stiffness or a twinge every now and then but its been minimal.  The chiropractor I am seeing has made a difference.  He turned out to be a pretty good addition to my rehabilitation.  There is still tingling in my leg; it sits around my knee area then will travel up or down depending on what I am doing.  It always gets better, it just hasn't completely gone away. I am so hopeful that it will be gone one day; until then, I will just keep moving forward with a smile on my face J

Monday, Monday Ahhhh….so glad it’s behind me.  It wasn’t a horrible day there just wasn’t a good flow to it, I was exhausted, and distracted.  There seem to be lots of little things that have lose ends that I can’t seem to focus on long enough to time them; lots of procrastination going on here.

I’m constantly thinking about a doctor’s appointment coming up this Thursday…Second opinion day is almost here!  I’ve gone through the copies of my medical file at least 4 times and googled the test results.  I have a friend who also has a big doctor’s appointment on Thursday.  Hers is much more important than mine…I need to tell her not to stress over it since I seem to be creating enough for the both of us haha. 

I have a meeting for one of my sweet boy’s resource teacher tomorrow to review his IEP (Individual Education Plan).  We are working hard at getting him on track and keeping him there.  We want him off his medicine forever.  We are definitely headed in the right direction; he’s been doing well without so far.

I didn’t feel great in the afternoon; I felt pretty nauseous driving home and had a headache in addition to feeling as though I could fall asleep any moment.  I was seriously considering not working out this evening but did so anyway.  I felt SO much better afterwards.  That workout and a few good laughs was just what I needed.  It cleared my head, I was able to focus on something positive for the first time today, and it woke me up.  After the workout I ate, prepared food for the week, cleaned a bit, showered, and was sitting in bed by 8:00…not too bad.  I love that the day ended well.

Eating…it’s going so much better.  I feel like a ton of pressure has been lifted from me with my diet.  I feel like I’m in a more comfortable place.  While in this comfortable place, I’m trying to figure out what I need to do to prevent my next setback.  I keep contemplating going back to therapy just to get that outlet back.  Having an outlet, for me, is so important.  To be able to express what I feel hear what someone has to say, and move on is what I need to get passed things.

The great thing is that things are going well in all areas of my life.  There is such a great balance in my marriage right now, the kids are doing well, work is going well, and I have am working towards a couple of exciting things.  Don’t get me wrong, the hiccups are there, as they always are.   Well, now that I think about it, it could just be the way I’m handling the hiccups that’s creating the balance.  Maybe I’m just not making things worse than they need to be haha…that very well could be it.  I feel so much like my old self; I’m not sensitive to jokes or comments, I’m sincerely joking with others and the jokes have no hidden meanings behind them.  Life is fun again; I love the people around me.  The Lord has blessed me with an amazing life.  I am so thankful for that and even more thankful for the fact that I recognize it.