“When God wants to do His great works He trains somebody to be quiet enough and little enough, then He uses that person.” ~~J. Hudson Taylor

Here’s something I never expected when going through all this.  How it would affect relationships.  I really thought this would be easy, cut and dry, lose weight and be healthy.  Hmmm…not so much.

Being brought up in an Italian household where life revolves around food.  Good times, bad times, happy times, and sad times, even during “I’m not even hungry times” we ate.  So I continued that “tradition” with friends.  Whenever we planned to get together we had to eat.  Even when we tried not to eat, we ate.

I had to separate myself from that.  Remove myself for a little while.  I HATED it!  I hate hurting people and I knew I would be if I did this.  I am a pleaser, a doer for those who need something done.  I need to be needed and I was afraid of what might happen and how others might feel if they thought I turned my back on them.

I did it as tactfully as I could and it worked for me.  I gained the control I needed to say no to eating out and indulging.  The people I needed temporary separation from are still in my life; our relationships our strong. 

There is nothing harder for me then to have to turn away from people.    We feel like we have “worn out our welcome” at times and that’s something I never wanted anyone to feel from me.  I’ve been there…I’m there now.  Maybe this is karma for having to step away for just a little while, I’m not sure. 

For a long time I felt like my purpose here was to be “used” by people. Haven’t we all felt that at some point? It seems like some people get what they need from me, my friendship and move on while I’m left standing wanting to scream out “wait, I’m not finished yet, I still need you!”

I want to help people, I love to see people happy, to see people succeed is so rewarding to me.  I’m not being used!  I’m putting myself in a position that makes me happy for the time being and helps other get to where they need to be.  I allow myself to be in unbalanced relationships, expecting to feel some kind of pain in the end and although I am sad, it is someone else’s happiness that puts a smile on my face.

But is being “used” a bad thing? And who is it that is actually using me?  Is it that person who needs me at the time or is it God?  Is God putting me in a place to help someone, to do what He has planned for me to do?