Looking to unload some emotions...If only I knew what they were and where they were coming from.

Well today has been a bit odd so far. I'm feeling kind of melancholy and really want to go home and cuddle up with my boys.  Not sure where my emotions are coming from. The morning was tough...ever walk into work and feel like people are lined up waiting for you and you cant give them the answers they need right away?  That's sort of the way I felt this morning. 

I'm stressing over an appointment I have tomorrow and am really praying for some solutions; I really need to put my worries in the hands of God so they don't interfere with my everyday life; for some reason that's a tough thing for me to do, I can't help but wonder if I thrive on my own misery at times...it's just ridiculous at times.

I think I did okay with my wokrout today; Brent let me know that I was bending at the waist again.  I know what I need to do in my head, I just have to apply it, be aware of my body and be consistant with it.  It's just hard for me to think and try to breathe at the same time J.  The running technique I'm working on is easier to do in slow motion and barefoot...not so easy when doing suicides...in run down sneakers  Practice, practice practice...I will get this technique down so I can run more effciently so I can finish this half marathon if it's the last thing I do J

Here's something that's weighing heavy on my mind for some reason.  Last night I watched the new show, Extreme Makeover, Weight loss edition.  I was real excited to watch it.  I remember seeing the trainer on the Learning Channel or Discovery channel doing basically the same thing with a guy who had a few hundred pounds to lose.  What an awesome trainer I thought he was.  He moved in with this guy and seemed to basically surrender his life so he could help this guy.  I was amazed by such an unselfish act.  How many people would even really consider doing something like that?

Anyway, this girl weighed in at 369 lbs. and worked real hard at reaching her first goal which was to lose 80 lbs. In 3 months, which she did.   Her final goal was to lose, I think it was 30lbs in 3 months and at that point they would determine if she would be a good candidate for reconstructive surgery.  I was surprised to see that she didn’t reach her goal.  She only lost 3 lbs.  I was SO disappointed to see that they agreed to let her have the surgery anyway…even though she still weighed about 239 lbs.  I don’t know much about when to have that type of reconstructive surgery done, but it seemed way too soon to me.  She easily had another 60 lbs. to lose and clearly was off track with her eating.  It was crazy.

I hope the next one is more realistic; I really think, just based on my own experience and the amount of time it has taken me to lose what little weight I have (in comparison to whats left to lose) she will undo what she has been done in no time.  Especially since they either didn't offer or include the scenes where she had mental/emotional counseling.  I truly believe that most of us who experience being morbidly obese have lots of demons to deal with and until they are dealt with, eating and weight gain will always be an issue.

Busy, busy, busy....Hmmm, where do I begin...

TJ and I were ready this weekend to take on “the house”.  Our plan was to put a floor down in the spare room, paint doors and trim upstairs hall way, cut back trees, bushes, etc. in the back yard.  Well 2 out of 3 isn’t so bad…well maybe 1 ½ out of 3 isn’t bad. 

We never made it outside, we had too much going on inside so we will tackle the backyard next weekend.  We started with painting…the trim and the doors are done!  Looks great; so nice and clean…no dirty hand prints J  We had to paint 5 doors, that’s what took so long since we took them down, painted one side then flipped it to pain the other…SUCCESS.

Next was the floor in the spare room…SUCCESS…NOT as TJ put it, EPIC FAIL!  We had lots of flooring left over from when we did the living/dining room/foyer a few years ago.  It’s been sitting in the garage for about 4 years, so we decided to lay it in the spare room.  We thought we would have enough to do the entire room.  As we were doing it, we realized we were going to come up short.  So we went to Home Depot to see if they had anything that match or would work with what we had…of course they did not.  So we decided to do a section of the room, that’s more of an alcove, in a different type of flooring.  So we purchased everything we needed and headed home to finish up.

We got back home and went back to work on the floor only to find out we would be about 2 rows short of flooring…UGH!!!  So we stopped and decided this may be a good time to add that closet and shelves we talked about doing for years.  A lot of TJ’s blood, sweat and tears (literally) went into that floor that fell short.  So, for now, we will keep that door closed and come up with a plan C.

Justin had a few big moments this weekend!  His swimming has improved so much!  He kept going under water to see how long he could hold his breath and he held it longer each time he did it.  He was touching the bottom of the pool with his hand and, the most exciting part for him and us; he was jumping and swimming in the 5’ section of the pool.  Although this may not seem very exciting for the average 9 year old, it is a great accomplishment for Justin.  He was beaming with confidence this weekend.  I am so proud of him.  Joe was great with him, he explained things to him, encouraged him and took lots of time and had lots of patience with him.

What’s up with the running?  Well, I spent lots of time this weekend watching videos on the best running techniques.  I think I learned lots and may even have it down.  When I run I am pushing off from my heel and stomping when I land.  It’s really quite messy to watch and it’s pretty uncomfortable, painful to the lower back, and exhausting.  The style of running I focused on this weekend is about pulling the leg up, not pushing off, and using the forefoot not the heal.  I can definitely feel the difference; it seems to be more comfortable.  At some point, according to the videos, this style of running should eliminate the exhaustion I feel since it’s a much more efficient method.

So, with all that said.  I did a 5 mile walk/run this weekend that went pretty well and throughout the weekend I worked on this new method of running.  The top of my left foot is hurting a bit, but I think that’s from starting off with one way of running then accidently transitioning into the old way. 

I’m still feeling great about the half marathon!  I am registered, have my hotel room reserved, and have tentative plans on arrival and departure.  I know a group of people who are doing this but I have been able to convince a few others to join in.  It’s going to be quite an experience for me.

My eating has been great!  TJ and I are planning and having great Paleo meals together.  We enjoyed a cheat with some cookies but did not go overboard nor did we continue it.  We planned it, we had it, then we were right back on track.  Doing this together has made a world of difference for me.  I’m so grateful that we are able to do this together!

Tomorrow its back to the regular schedule and workouts.  That will only last for the next 4 days than starting next Monday my work schedule will change which will trigger everything else to change for the summer.  It should be an interesting change and I am really looking forward to it. 

Finally, Joe is graduating elementary school this Thursday (sniff, sniff).  We are all very excited!  He will also be turning 11 that day.  I can’t believe how quickly these years go by.  So, from June 2^nd until July 6^th I will have 2 eleven year old boys J  Love that!

Hump Day…A Good Day!

From the moment I woke up the day was good!  Things went smoothly with my boys this morning, traffic was there as always but I just relaxed through it.  Got to work and sat down for a few minutes before I had to head back outside with all the other Quoizelians in the building to greet a few of our customers who were visiting; that turned out to be fun and the customers loved seeing everyone outside to welcome them.

My legs and my butt are really hurting today from Monday and Tuesdays workouts.  I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through what Brent had planned for today…my legs started to burn almost as soon as I started my workout.  It was pretty serious…WOW!  We had to do as many power cleans and burpees as possible within a certain amount of time.   I think, for the power cleans it was 8 minutes, I did 130 of them J .  As far as burpees go I think I did 56 or 57, I’m not sure what the time was on that. Then…and I forgot how we calculated this…based on my power clean numbers and burpee numbers we had to figure out how many jump ropes and box jumps we had to do.  My total was 304 of each!  I can’t help but wonder if I added and multiplied wrong…hmmmm.  The jump ropes were pretty easy, the box jumps, not so much.  I didn’t finish them before our group workout was over so Brent added them into my one on one session immediately following.  I had to do 22 box jumps then run 4 laps around a row of racks.  We were hoping to do 10 rounds of that.  Although the 10 rounds didn’t happen, I’m no sure how many did happen, it truly was a GREAT workout and I think I did pretty good!  Brent thought I did well to. He and I had to have a few conversations about being more positive about the exercises that I am weak at.  He lets me know when I have a negative look on my face so I can smile instead.  I can’t begin to tell you what a difference that’s made; especially with my running.   I’m really beginning to see and feel a difference in my running and the way I view it.  I still have LOTS of work to do, but I am well on my way to that “Start” line.

My diet was good again today.  I did have a bad carb, maybe 2 but it was small so I’m ok with that small cheat.  I have it in my mind that I need to eat healthy to be able to do this run.  I stopped obsessing over having to lose weight just because I need to.  I know, I’m such a head case, it’s pretty bad when I have to sort of trick my own mind into thinking something else so I don’t go on these crazy binges.  But whatever the case may be, it’s working for me!

 TJ is still kicking butt with his eating to! The long weekend will certainly be a test to see how well we do.

Still keeping my friend who is struggling in my prayers…things are becoming more complex as the days go by.  My heart is breaking for her…it’s a very sad situation.  I’m trying to not let it affect me too much, I’m afraid that if it does I won’t be able to support her when she needs it most.

A long busy day comes to a close...

Such a busy day today!  I was at work unit 1130 AM, worked out until 12:00; I had to rush out so I could pick up Justin for evaluations he had for Occupational and Physical Therapy.  We made it to our appointment with minutes to spare.  After that we rushed home to eat, shower, and head out to voice lessons for Justin. ..Well needless t day, Justin was exhausted and along with that comes crankiness.

Justin did well with his evaluations.  Although they still needed to be scored, the therapist said Justin will qualify, it may not be long term but he’ll qualify.  She also noticed that a lot of his problems are starting with his feet.  She said he is supporting his weight with his ankles because his feet collapse more.  She is planning to work with him for a week or two than she will give us a referral for him to possibly get braces for support.  The therapist worked with him a couple of years ago; she was very impressed with how well he is doing.  So we are off to a good start to getting our summer routine down.  Hopefully we can schedule a standing day/time as soon as they evaluate him for speech. 

My poor little guy was so tired when he got home he actually wanted to go to sleep.  He had his voice lessons tonight so he couldn’t go to sleep.  Justin had a meltdown…he just wanted to stay home.  We took our time and he came around.  AND…of course he was so happy he didn’t stay home.  He had a great time.  We have certainly been blessed with Justin’s voice teacher.  He responds so well to her; she is so soothing to him.  He walks out of every lesson beaming.  She seems to be very therapeutic to him.

So usually when Justin is at his voice lesson TJ and I would go to Athens for gyros…but Justin’s voice teacher just moved so there were no gyros tonight.  TJ had an awesome idea tonight!  He said we should run the path, which is located in the sub-division that Justin had his lessons…so that’s what we did.  I got in my timed run/walk.  We did this for 2 miles…not to bad.  I’m looking forward to seeing progress with my running.

Aside from running tonight I had my usual workout…WOW!  It was hot; the workout was great.  I came face to face with a box to jump on.  Om my goodness!  Those box jumps were tough for me today.  My legs are so sore and my legs felt so heavy.  I got through the 50 I needed to but it was slow.  I stalled a lot.  I have to get past the fear I have of tripping over the box.  I need to work box jumps into my live on a regular basis…they are holding up my workouts and that needs to stop!!

My eating was great again today!!!  Feeling so good about it.  TJ is making it so easy for me by doing it with me.  He has been so encouraging to me the last few weeks!

The start of today went well.  Lots of lose end were tied up...a couple if things that had me stressed out also came to a close.  What a relief!  As the day went on things became more stressful.  It ended with upsetting news at work…things at work have been very emotional for me lately.  I am trying so hard to hold it together, which has worked while in the office…but it all fell apart tonight.

Before my workouts I’ve been praying hard to stay focused and push myself through them.  It’s been working well.  I prayed tonight for the same and I did ok for the first part of the workout.  It was exhausting but a great workout.  I was one of the last to finish so I was able to rest just a few minutes before the 2^nd part of the workout.

We walked out to the street so I figured we would be doing some running…which I was ok with.  We ended up being broken up into 2 teams to do an Indian Run and the teams that finished last would have to do 25 burpees.  I instantly went into meltdown mode.  Teresa, who was on my team got in my face and told me I could do this…I was literally on the verge of tears.  I was holding them back with all my might.  I’m so disappointed in myself for my reaction.  It was so wrong.  I’m only disappointed in my running because I defeated MYSELF before I even started and was ready to quit on my team.  I’m feeling pretty ashamed of myself.

I left just a few minutes after I did my burpees, got in my car and lost it.  I just cried like a baby.  I had a tough time pulling myself together.  Once I got home I had some composure, went in the house, and sat at the kitchen table to catch my breath.  I finally told TJ and he gave me a pretty good talking to than told me I needed to stop acting like Justin (our 9 year). 

Well TJ has lost about 15lbs in 2 weeks on his diet.  His discipline and determination is amazing me. The results are spectacular and he’s feeling the difference!  I’m so excited for him and very proud!  He has been cooking great food and is encouraging me to stay on track J  I’m not sure if I can even express how exciting this is for me.

At the end of a stressful day, my workout was good, my eating was great.  I owe a few big apologies and a couple of huge thank yous for my team to who didn’t give up on me.

Lots of Great Things....

What a great weekend!  So busy, so much fun…lots of GREAT things happening and falling into place.  So where do I begin…

Baseball season is over!  Bittersweet for sure.  We will now have Saturdays to get things done around the house BUT we are bummed that the season is over.  What an awesome group of kids and an amazing bunch of parents!  We all had a great time spending practically the entire day together yesterday, the kids got a long great; the parents enjoyed each other’s company.  We had a great dinner and awards ceremony that was topped off with lots of silly string and the RiverDogs game.

I’m very PROUD of Justin!!  He came so far this season.  He worked hard and focused more than ever.  He had great hits and made some awesome plays.  We are going to be putting lots into over the summer as far as diet, exercise, and a few different types of therapies.  He is such a sweet and amazing little boy…love him to death J

I’m also so proud of TJ!  His eating has been great and he has lost 12 lbs. in about 10 days!  How great is that?  He’s been working hard…perfect timing as we are ready to get the entire family on the same page.

As for myself…doing well with my running.  This weekend I had to run/walk for a certain amount of time. I did pretty well with it but forgot my timer (Boooo) so I had to count.  I’m planning on getting a more accurate one in during the week…possibly Tuesday afternoon. 

I’m excited about the improvement I’m making with my running.  Brent had pointed out improvements and, when I was running with some friends, Keri told me how much better my running is.  She actually showed me the goose bumps she got from watching me run.  How awesome is she for feeling that way about my running improvement!  I am BEYOND BLESSED to have people like Keri, Brent, and all of the many people who are supporting me.

Been back on Paleo for a little while now.  It feels good!  I eased myself into but I am ready to dive back into the regimen of eating clean and doing an intermittent fast once a week.  It’s time to take this ½ marathon training to the next level!  I’m hoping that in the process of training, I will shed some weight.  I know that after working so hard on running during my Wednesday workouts the last thing I want to do is eat.  One because I’ve been feeling nauseas and two, because I feel like I burned some serious fat and calories.

I’m excited about so many things…need to stay focused and keep praying.  To everyone who is helping me and supporting me…I thank you, I love you…I couldn’t do this without you!

What a nice end of the day we had! We went to a friends graduation get together at the Aqua Terrace, sat outside, talked and laughed. It was a bit chilli but it was a great night to be outside.

It was a joint graduation get together; the other lady just happens to live on the same block we have our Monday evening boot camp on. We had a few laughs about pulling tires and carrying sandbags. Apparently we are very entertaining. I even got to meet the lady whose mailbox we have to run to. Now that I know who she is I can ask her to move it closer to us :-). I also let them know that I will be knocking on their doors to come and workout with us Monday.

Looking forward to getting in a good work out tomorrow morning with the girls! My shoulder is still a bit sore but MUCH better. I've been stretching it out throughout the day.

Feeling pretty excited for a couple of great people who are doing new things and are taking advantage of some awesome opportunities! Watching them just "do it" is so encouraging and inspires me to take action to make my own dreams come true! I'm so blessed to have people like this in my life to learn from.

Just need to have a quick pitty party....then I'm done.

Maria is over thinking things...AGAIN!  Trying to be positive and so optimistic but that's being over shadowed by reality.  Have you ever wished you can take something back...just do a total rewind?  There are somethings I wish I could change, like being vulnerable, naive, trusting, accommodating...all the stuff that makes me myself, all the qualities I have that make me happy to help people.  Why is it that those are the same qualities that cause sadness and disappointment in my life?

Why do I feel so unimportant and forgettable?  Is it when I realize that I am no longer of use to someone and I can view that by their actions?  Is it the way people talk to me?  Why is it okay to snap at me?  Do I frustrate people that much?

I'm beginning to believe that the happiness I bring to others, and myself, by doing for them is temporary.  Once the deed is done the gratitude leaves and it seems like the relationships die down...until I am needed again BUT then I will be there for them, always; even knowing this.

But then what happens when I need someone or something?  How does that play out?  I feel like I'm rejected often, or, am I just like the others who, I think, forgot about the kindness that I gave to them?

Back to back posts today. I didn't have a chance to post my blog earlier so here's part 2 of my day. Moms vs. kids was a tie. We were kicking some butt then the boys rallied and we tied at 12. Not bad! We had a blast! Justin did great! He caught a line drive in the outfield. It hit his glove so hard that the glove flew off his hand and the ball fell out. It was an awesome attempt and pretty funny all at the same time. wish we had a video camera for that one.

Getting ready to ice my shoulder and take some Alieve. This is some crazy pain I'm feeling. I'll rest it tomorrow but need to get back on track for our Saturday morning workout.

The friend of mine that has going through way too much this week is doing better. Still lots of things to fix but she has pulled it all together. Prayer works...thank you God!!

Looking forward to a nice weekend and forgetting about some frustrating parts of the day. I have many things to pray about, still searching for answers, patience, and a way to express myself in a way that doesn't frustrate others. Im just an ongoing work in progress.

Today's workout was tough for me.  I met with my chiropractor who worked on my shoulder real hard.  It was almost unbearable, he even brought tears to my eyes. The soreness I am feel is the worst ever...but the good thing is its soreness not injury type pain.  I'l have to make up for it on Saturday.  Some of the girls are coming over for a morning workout which will end with a 2 mile run. I'm thinking maybe it should start with the run...hmmm.

I'm feeling a lot better about the race and TJ and the boys not being there.  I wish, more than anything that they could be, but they can't and I can't dwell on it because it will completely throw my motivation off.  He will have his cell phone on hand so I can call him as soon as I cross that finish line.  I may not be able to talk but he will atleast hear me breathing on the other end...hopefully Ill be breathing...and if I am, he'll proabably think it's an obscene call.

Looking forward to tonight.  Justin's final baseball practice of the seaon is tonight and it's Kids vs. Moms!  We did it earlier in the season and it was a blast even though we lost.  The moms are seeking revenge, we will show no mercy to these little guys!!


Saturday is his last game of the season then we have the end of the season dinner and awards then off to the Riverdogs game where the team will go out on the field with the actual players for the National Anthem...it's going to be awesome!!!  So much fun!

Justin is in for quite a surprise this summer.  We have all sorts of things planned for him.  We have evaluations for  OT, PT, Speech, and counceling...I am determined to get him on track for 4th grade.  His diet is changing, he will be working out more often during the week...I'm excited that I can change my hours at work so I can spend more time at home to work with him during the summer.  I'm praying that he is cooperative and will notice his improvements quickly.

Signed up for the run today!

Feeling pretty bummed today L  we realized that the huge tent sale we have at work is the same day as the ½ marathon.  That’s not going to stop me from doing it…my boss is great about things like this and has given me the go ahead.

One of the reasons I’m so motivated about this is because I am playing over and over in my head how this run will go.  There is so much happiness in the way it is playing out in my head.  Now it seems like a few things aren’t going to happen the way I hoped.  The one thing I know for sure at this point is that TJ and my boys will not be there because of this sale.  It made me cry…which only helps me get rid of some excess water weight J

The plan was for me to head to the race early and TJ and the boys would leave the house later and would be waiting for me at the finish line…I imagine their reactions and hugging them all so tight when I get to them.  My hearts feeling a bit broken right now but I understand why this has to be.  It’s not like they didn’t want to be there.  I know TJ is just as disappointed as I am.  He was so excited and I know how proud he is of me for doing this. We never told the boys; it brings some comfort knowing they won’t be disappointed.  I love, love, love my boys SO much! 

The excitement of the run and how I am imagining how it will go is what’s driving me right now.  I’m praying that I don’t lose my motivation because my imagination is so creative and this gets the best of me at times.  So with that said, I’m not sure how all this effected my workout.  I was sort of down but I think I did ok all things considered.  Brent told me I did well, he is so honest with me and he shared my times with me to prove that I did well J  He’s so encouraging to me.  He shared a little bit more about what to expect with my upcoming training.  It sounds exciting!  I’m really looking forward to seeing how all this will change my overall fitness.

I registered today for the race…I was very excited and I even had trouble typing…I was trying to type fast so I could submit my registration before I changed my mind J  So it’s official…I’m in it!

He sees improvement already!

Today was a good day! My biggest concern is the friend I blogged about yesterday. I spoke to her today. She is still faced with many challenges but she sounded a little more collected today. We worked on getting some legal assistance for her so we can start pushing things along Please keep praying for her.

My eating was great today, I was focused and less stressed than yesterday. Todays workout was tough. We did a good amount of running (I love running!)which I think I did pretty well with. I pushed myself to run the entire way. I paid attention to my breathing and ignored the soreness in my legs. I stayed aware and made sure I was leaning forward at the hips and not the waist. The last part of my run wasn't great, I had to walk just a few steps about 3 times to catch my breath.

But when I was coming in from that final run Brent gave me some feedback. My technique has improved already! I was so excited to hear this! He made my day :-). I am really going to do this. It seems so surreal. When he was talking to me I was jumping up and down and clapping in my mind...mostly because I was exhausted from the run and only my mind had the energy to do it. The other parts of the workout were challenging. But there was one exercise that just about sent me over the edge. We had to do a ball toss over a bar, catch it than throw it back over 30 times. Seems simple enough but it was real awkward for me. I thought for sure a ball would be planted on my face before I finished.

So, all in all it was great. I'm happy with my progress. If there has been improvement just after 6 days I can only imagine how much improvement there will be after a month or two! This is all so exciting for me. I am already looking forward to seeing what's in store for my one on one tomorrow...I do know I have to bring my weight vest

I love Running!

Today was a pretty crazy day. It was very emotional for me. I have a friend, someone I've known for over 20 years who is going through a real tough battle. We cried together, I cried alone, than cried this afternoon after we talked on the phone. My head felt like it was spinning all day I felt light headed and nausious most of the day I'm praying hard for her and her family. If anyone has any prayers to spare for her please do so.

Its always a successful day when I am stressed beyond belief and my eating stays on track. I feel so good about that. My anxiety had the best of me all day. I went through the shortness of breath stuff, headaches, all that fun stuff. Because of that I was unsure about going to boot camp tonight. BUT I have learned time and time again that when I am feeling that way I NEED to go and am I glad I did!! I felt great after our workout

Not only was the workout great as it usually is, we had lots of fun and some good laughs. The time spent tonight with Brent and the girls was exactly what I needed before heading home to my family.

Once I got home Tj and I had a nice dinner then we both rowed a thousand meters for dessert. Haha. Not quite a piece of chocolate cake, but it felt good. I even put the weight vest on. I really like that thing.

I Don't Think I Can...I know I Can! I Think

Most people who know me know how I feel about running.  I've never been able to run well or fast.  For a long time I truly believed that if someone was coming after me with a huge butcher knife I would just lay down and let him kill me before I ran from him.

I have a friend who was contemplating a run.  She, along with a bunch of others we know, are planning to do the Rock 'n Roll half/full Marathon in November.  We were talking, going back and forth, about what she should do for at least 20 minute when I blurted out, "If you do it, I'll do it to!"  I stunned myself and thought, "oh no, what did I just get myself into?"

Here I am committing to  a half marathon when running is an absolute weakness of mine...yikes!  I've walked a 5k and 10k a couple of times; I even ran a 5k in October of 2010, it took just under 45 minutes, but I ran it and was thrilled beyond  belief.  After that, I decided my running career was over haha.

So now that I made a commitment to a friend how to I get out of this?  I don't, I can't!  I have just under 6 months to prepare for this...that's plenty of time, right?  Sure it is. 

I told Brent all about how I committed to what seems like the impossible.  We talked about it briefly and I said to him, "I may be asking you for a running plan soon."  That was pretty much it, we didn't talk anymore about it.

Days later, during my one on one training, Brent said we are going to start training for your run today.  Today? Really?  Well ok.  I was reluctantly excited about it, but excited none the less.  I'm pretty sure my nervous giggle may have even presented itself.  He explained to me how we would approach the training and what i would need to do outside of our regular training sessions.  Most importantly I would have to get my eating back on track and be consistent with it!

After the training session I thought about a lot of things.  I was trying to figure out why all of a sudden this run doesn't seem impossible like it did when I first committed to it.  I came up with a couple of answers.   One being more positive about running. I am working hard at not saying, "I hate running".  I've decided that when I am running I'm going to fill my empty little head with happy thoughts.  Imagery works well to for me.  During runs I plan to imagine myself running an actual race and I picture myself crossing the finish line with the most important people in my life standing there waiting for me.  Imagining this actually makes me cry haha.  Mostly, while running, I will be praying.  It amazes me how much that will help.

But the thing that got me most and made me feel confident about being able to complete a half marathon was when Brent went right into training me.  He told me what he expected of me, what I needed to do, and what I really needed to focus on right now.  I thought to myself, "He truly believes I can do this!"  The crazy thing, to me anyway, was that it wasn't his words this time that convinced me, it was his actions.  For the first time I felt like I didn't need to be convinced with words.  There was no reason to talk or stress about it for days.  It was so simple...I made a commitment to a friend, he knows I need help training for it, and now I'm training AND I feel pretty good about it!  My plan was to not say a word about this to anyone.  I have this amazing ability to want to do something so bad and just quit.  I really dislike that about myself.  But I've told a few people and received some great feedback.

I have no doubt that if I follow Brent's lead, be consistent, and stay on track with my eating, I WILL finish this run!

So, for the next few months, you'll be reading about a a girl, who used to hate running, and her journey to the "Start" of a half marathon.

A pretty Good Day After All

Today turned out to be a pretty good day.  Lots of craziness, some exciting news, a little bit of "what the heck" here and there, but a good day after all. 

Looking forward to baseball tomorrow afternoon. Justin only has two games left this season...it went way to fast.  After that some housework, and an evening out with some wonderful people.  Sunday will be church, Sunday school, a softball game at noon then some more work around the house...fun fun!  I'm seriously considering allowing the boys to paint their doors...I'm not sure but that could be a catastrophic event but a lot of fun to.

So proud of TJ for his hard work this week.  Just want to thank him for what he is doing for our family.  We love you!!

I can't believe school is nearing its end.  i changed my hours for the summer, I'm excited!  It I'm looking forward to spending time with the boys.  I have lots of changes I want to make during the summer...I'm not so sure they will be as exciting as I am about it.  One thing we will be working on is eating, my plan is to make some big changes in what they eat and kill off a few bad habits and manners.  So...any prayers you would like to keep us in, please feel free to do so.

The Caveman is not extinct...

Well I heard from "The Caveman" today and although the challenge seems to have gone out the window for us, it sounds like there's great things going on for him that may help lots of others.  Sort of disapointed this has come to an end so quickly, I was looking forward to learning his perspective to the Paleo diet.  Here's what he had to say:

Hey Cavepeeps,

I'm sorry for flaking and not continuing the 50 day countdown challenge... I've been swamped with designing ANOTHER product (to help affiliates' businesses) for the greater CrossFit community worldwide.

I'm considering launching a YEAR TWO challenge but my bandwidth will determine.

Just briefly, regarding nutrition, I've started weighing and measuring each meal and completely restricted fructose for maximum effect. 19 days left!

Wish me luck.

Stay Strong. Stay Paleo!

- Caveman

Lots of little crazy things going on this Friday the 13th...hope you are all having a good day!

Its been a pretty good start to the week.  Been feeling pretty good abut a few things but contemplating some others.  Still lots of thing going on; all positive which is great but still stressful.  I'm trying to stay focused on the positive aspects and the end result while trying to keep my attention as far away from the stress that is developing.

I had an appointment tonight that I was very excited about. Its a program that sounds like it has so much potential and I think my entire family could benefit form it. Its a huge commitment and would mean a lot of sacrifice.  I really have to evaluate the meeting I had tonight and pray about it...hard.  It's a tremendous change that could be more than beneficial or wreak havoc in a few lives.

Happy Mother's Day to All...

Hoping everyone had an amazing Mother's Day.  This day is special to so many of us.  I am beyond grateful for the children God has blessed me with.  Even with the challenges we all face, Motherhood is without a doubt the most rewarding experience.  I am so blessed to know so many great moms and to have one myself.  From my own mom, my sister, sister-in-laws, and friends.  There are many moms whom I don't even know that have touched me and helped me to become a better mom.

As glorious as Mother's Day can be my heart aches for all who have lost, given up, and could not accept the challenge God bestowed upon them.  I know they must think about what could have been on a regular basis and with that comes a pain that will always be in the hearts of those who have experienced this. 

Keeping all in a special prayer just for you tonight.  God Bless!

It's Been Too Long...

I miss blogging!  I miss sharing the craziness in my life.  I thought it was helping me at first then I couldn't help but wonder if it started hurting me; now I wonder which it really was.  I was able to get things out, which is a good thing.  Its so hard to just talk about things to any one person so I wrote it down and whoever cared would read it and those who didn't want to or didn't have time to didn't have to.  Does anyone out there have that one person?  One person who understands, doesn't judge, doesn't react, makes sense out of things, is there at any given moment for you...does anyone really have anyone like that in their life?  Not so sure a person like that exists.

Same old ongoing challenges and taking on a couple of old challenges that I gave up on with the hopes of not failing or at least not giving up again. There are 2 new challenges on the horizon, but nothing I can share right now.  I feel pretty good about the new challenges only because it makes me feel  as if I'm not as stagnant as I think I am.  Seems like there is so much to do and never enough time in the day.

Working hard at trying to come up with a game plan for one of my little guys who seems to be struggling right now.  He has me heartbroken.  So many little things to consider and figure out.  I don't think anyone could understand the impact something like this has on emotions unless they have a child of their own.  Finding the right people to help is so hard and can be exhausting. There are days that I feel like Ive been beat up...I even look beat up at times haha.  BUT  I am smiling, I am happy just lost, frustrated, and tired at time.

I'm beginning to realize something about myself that I never wanted to believe.  But I see signs of it almost daily. Its nothing bad, not really negative, its just a realization and I need to make some adjustments and I think my life will run more smoothly; it may even be less complicated and exhausting.  I can at least give it a shot, I have nothing to lose.

Love this song.  It make me think about how things should be.
Lead Me