Moving Forward

I have a very happy, excited little boy!  Justin had his first voice lesson tonight.  He seemed a bit nervous at first; he wasn’t so sure he wanted to go.  He walked out after his lesson excited; when we were in the car he said he couldn’t wait until the next one…he even came up with his own warm up J

I had a pretty good day today; it was productive, had a good workout, had some time to relax and catch by breath.  I’m looking forward to the weekend, Justin will be 9 Saturday (sniff, sniff) I can’t believe how quickly this time has gone by.  We will have a group of little boys over, possibly going to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and a sleep over.  Would like to try to make it to the Flowertown Festival this year, I haven’t been there in a while; totally blowing off the Cooper River Bridge Run this year.

Working on forgetting about everything that happened this week.  Not going to focus on it, not going to cry or whine over it, I’m just going to let it everything  go and see where I am lead.

Did well on my eating but lost control at the end of the day…the great thing is that I get another chance tomorrow, God willing.  My plan is to replace binging with prayer...simple enough.

Having a purpose is the difference between making a living and making a life." -Tom Thiss

Today was a nice day. Stayed home from work, went to the boys Honor Roll Ceremony, did some shopping for dinner, went to work out-had a pretty good group workout and a great one on one workout, headed home to cook, clean, and have some good conversation with friends. Nick had a great doctor’s appointment today.  Tj spoke to the doctor about how to inform him of his Asperger’s and her response was, “no one has ever asked me that.”

Been thinking a lot about all I put myself through yesterday. I’m still confused, not sure if I’m handling things right.  I’m at a loss; I really thought I found my purpose.

When I feel this way, I’m starting to slip and I’m nervous that it might just be a matter of time before I fall.  My eating wasn’t good today; I had this uncontrollable urge to eat.  I was able to fight the urge a few times but gave in to it other times.  I don’t understand why I do this…there is no comfort in eating anymore.  I missed something when I was going through this today, I missed what has been giving me comfort for a while now, I missed what has held me together at times like this…I missed praying today.  I got so caught up in things I had to do.  I can’t help but wonder if my lack of prayer enhanced my urges to binge.

I’m hoping tomorrow will bring goodness and peace of mind. 

Another Chapter Coming to a Close...

They say that when you finally make a decision about something you feel relieved…I would like to know who said that and what the heck made them think that.  I made a decision today and I do not feel at ease.  I should be at ease; the element that has clealry complicated so much has been removed so it should all go smoothly from this point further.  In my head, it was the right thing to do for now, but in my heart I feel sadness,  I know I disappointed people again, I failed at doing something I found true happiness in; I even seriously considered perusing some kind of career in this haha.  I know when things are not right for someone it is presented in some way so they are made aware of it.  I just wish when things that weren’t meant to be presented themselves it would be with less pain. 

Progress

Progress towards anything I am trying to do stands out so much…then all of a sudden it’s like a neon light flashes “REGRESS”.  I’m not referring to my diet this time, just life in general. 

Like so many of us, I am working on making myself a better person.  I am truly working hard at it to.  I am aware of things I’ve never thought of, everything I do or say I think about and analyze and think about how it could have been better.  I truly believe I’m making progress with this, it just doesn’t happen fast enough.

Bettering myself takes time, undoing 30-something  years of whatever the heck did this to me just doesn’t happen because I decided I wanted to better myself.  I can easily “act” like I’m better, but I like to think of myself as being genuine; not phony. I have, many times, put a smile on my face to hide some sadness, worry, etc. but that doesn’t mean I’m pretending to be something I’m not it just means that I don’t want to burden others with worry or what might weighing heavy on my mind.

I can only continue to work to make progress to become the person I want to be for myself and my family; I will continue to pray that progress is made before people I care about grow tired and walk away from the me even I am trying to escape from.

I really liked this and thought I would share it:

10 Ways I Know There's Nothing Wrong With You (or Me)

Lots to say but struggling putting things into words today...

Had the pleasure to catch up with an old friend this evening on Facebook (just love that social networking thing). I love it when I can have a conversation with someone I haven’t seen or talked to in years and we talk like a day hasn’t gone by.

I’ve known him for over 20 years; we worked together for a long time. He is a good person, lots of fun.  He and his family have experienced great losses throughout the last decade; it truly breaks my heart.  His brother died on 9-11; he worked in the World Trade Center.  Never will any of us forget that day; In the midst of the horror that was going on, I will never forget Steve walking into my office, in shock, saying over and over “my brother is dead”.  I tried to talk to him, to have him sit down and wait to hear once everything settled.  Sadly he was right.  His sister lost her husband after that and just 6 weeks ago his dad died suddenly.  He was 72 but still playing softball.  So much dying in such a short amount of time, it seems so, so unfair.

It’s so sad to hear these things.  Its someone else’s losses that can sometimes make us think how lucky we are. We take so much for granted.  We are not lucky by any means.  This life, in my mind, isn’t based on luck.  There are so many things that we complicate, we are so selfish in so many ways, we are petty, materialistic, self-consumed, etc., etc., etc., While others are legitimately hurting from true tragedies, we are feeling sorry for ourselves over something silly.  The next time you are feeling sorry for yourself, STOP! and pray about.  No matter how bad you think you have it, chances are someone has it worse than you.

Do you ever say, “I’m so lucky” when you hear that someone else’s experiences are worse than yours?  Do you really believe that is luck?  For a long time I did; I don’t believe that any more.  I believe it’s because we are blessed.  I can look back at my life and now see lots that I was blessed with that I didn’t recognize at the time.  It makes me very sad when I think of what I missed out on…I am not going to let that happen again.

Because of the rain our first softball game was cancelled (BOOOO) we were disappointed but we were able to get lots of other things done.  We were able to finish Joe and Justin’s room.  It’s great to bring a project to a close…now on to the next one…still lots to do.  We need to finish the hallway, the floor in the spare room (Ryan your room is almost readyJ), and rescreen the porch…that’s what’s next on the list.

As I’m sitting up here blogging, my sweet husband is finishing up laundry and making a goof Paleo lunch for both of us J  What a Blessing he is…I am forever grateful to God that I recognized that one sooner than later.

We are all getting excited about our trip to NY.  Need to put a bit of work into the van-brakes, oil change, things like that.  I’m dreading the drive; it will probably take us 14-16 hours, but it will be worth it!  We are going for my dad’s 75^th birthday.  I was even more excited when I found out Easter is the same weekend, so we get to spend a Holiday with my family…HOORAY!!  We are planning big family dinners for dad’s birthday and for Easter.

A very busy yet extremely blessed day...

From the second I woke up I was moving.  Got some much needed work done in the backyard, started back there about 8 AM but needed to stop due to baseball practice at 10.  Got to the field, did a workout with Valerie, who forewarned me that we were doing ¼ mile sprints, watch the boys scrimmage, went for a mani/pedi, then TJ Maxx and Marshalls, then back home to mow the front yard, shower and head to Blackbaud for a fundraiser.  A very busy and blessed day.

We had a great time this evening with great friends.  It was so nice to spend time with everyone and see others we have not seen for a while.  We had lots of laughs tonight; for the rest of my life I will remember the “F” and “W” story and laugh every time I think about it J

Something that is awkward for me is receiving compliments.  A few people complimented me on how good they think I look.  I am so grateful that they share those thoughts with me especially since it something that’s hard for me to see. At the same time, I am uncomfortable receiving compliments because I don’t feel what they see.  I am still waiting for the day that I feel pretty.  Clearly it’s not time for me to; I’m not sure when it will happen or if it ever will but if it does happen and if it feels the way I can only imagine it will, it will be an amazing day for me.

We have our first softball game tomorrow.  TJ and I are excited to play.  The gentleman who was doing my pedicure today was kind enough to point out the big bump and pretty purple bruise on my leg today that I got at softball practice last week….as if I didn’t notice J  One of the guys at work, who plays on our team, told me he wants to see me hit a homerun…haha…sure no problem, I’ll try my best.

There is a guy at work who commented me on my weight loss Friday.  I pass him every time I go to our workout area.  He was walking behind me and he told me that he can really see a difference.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s weird to hear this knowing someone is looking at your backside and saying this, yet it makes me smile whenever someone comments on my weight loss when they are walking behind me because I know that’s the area (really large area) that I need to lose in the most.

Anyway…I was excited to see the stats of my blog.  I wish I knew if this was impacting others than those I know of.  It’s very interesting to see where the people are who are reading my blog.  There are people from the US, Canada, UK, China, Denmark, Sri Lanka, Singapore, Italy, and Japan.
 

I wonder what everyone thinks, especially those from other countries.  I wonder most about the person in Japan; I can’t help but think if that person is okay.  I’ve prayed for that person, as I have for everyone in Japan who has been affected by the recent, tragic events, but there’s something different about that one person, that I don’t even know. That person knows something about me (well probably a lot more than something) and I can’t help but to feel there is some kind of odd connection to that person.  Does that make any sense at all to anyone haha.   And I can't help but wonder if I might be related to the person from Italy...hey, ya never know.

In any case, this blog and seeing those stats have been very humbling for me.  I haven’t had an outlet to pour my heart out to for a little while now.  I’m, unfortunately, the type of person who needs to “dump” my feelings out, talk them out, and I need some kind of feedback from someone.  Thank you for “listening” and allowing me to express myself and get things off my chest, for laughing with me and crying with me.  As I’m sure all of you may know, it is not the same as having one person sitting right next to you listening and consoling, and caring and helping you find direction, but it is very comforting and extremely meaningful.

A Great Ending to a Pretty Good Week

Love Fridays…but then again who doesn’t?  It was a busy morning at work; we had a meeting for a new system we are implementing; lots of loose ends to tie up from the week, but the morning ended well and the afternoon started off with a great workout that was lots of fun, we had many laughs…they were at my expense haha…but it was all in good fun.

Speaking of working out, Brent brought up something I noticed and blogged about this week.  He noticed how I take extended rests and how I stall during transitions in my workout.  He timed me during our group workout to see how long it took me to get to the next station and start; it took me 24 seconds…YIKES!  That is not good at all.  Needless to say, I will be working on changing this terrible habit I’ve gotten myself into.  I know improving my transition time will definitely help me to reach the goals I have set for myself.

I’m feeling SO much better about the dilemmas I was having at work.  I really just needed to talk it out, I needed to hear what I was thinking, and I needed that blunt honesty, nothing sugar coated, no beating around the bush, this is what it is, kind of conversation with a very understanding, kind person.  Without fail, whenever we have a deep meaningful conversation I walk away with a clear head, direction towards a resolution, and a better understanding of myself.  The next step, to execute the plan, will be difficult but it will be done and all will move forward from there taking whichever direction they choose.

Had another deep conversation with my boss yesterday.  We pretty much covered everything and more that happened within the past 2 years.  There was a lot of talking this last 2 days for me.  It was all great; it brought up lots of emotions and a few good laughs.

As the end of the day neared, I experienced something that was extremely upsetting and disturbing, had lots more laughs, and learned a couple of new things.  I feel all confused after today…but it’s all good confusion I guess.  Even the negative things I experienced are or will soon be OK.

Water intake was good today although I fell short of my gallon of water.  Eating went well until dinner.  Had dinner with a friend and the boys, well 2 out of 4 of them anyway.  My intentions were to be good….not so much tonight.  Here’s what I ate:

700         2 eggs, turkey sausage, prune juice

1130       1/3 small banana

200         Turkey burger, 1 cup broccoli, other ½ of the banana, almonds

630         Outback:  steak, crab cake, bread L, artichoke dip tortilla L cake for dessert L

                The good thing is that the bread was small and the tortilla and dessert were split.  I feel horrible right now, physically.  I won’t let the fact that I cheated get to me.  It happened, it’s over with, time to move forward. 

What an odd day it’s been…Don’t get me wrong, it’s been a good day just odd.  I’ve been feeling real good the last couple of days.  Even with all the odd things that seem to be happening, I feel ok about things.  I’m working hard at not internalizing things; this is such a struggle for me.  If something doesn’t go as planned, if it goes wrong, or simply doesn’t go the way I expect it to, I question myself and try to figure out what I did wrong.  I beat myself up replaying things in my head and picking them apart to figure out what happened.  After I ware myself down I realize that it probably isn’t me; that it could easily be something or someone else. At the same time I’m going through that silly torment I put myself through, I’m praying my way out of it.  It has really helped me get through it and get over it.

I’ve been praying a lot lately.  I have something I need to sort out that I’m just not sure of.   Something I am real excited about that I’m hoping comes to fruition, a dear friend’s mom, and lots of other things.

Work has been very busy; lots of things going on there that need to be sorted out.  I’m hoping within the next day or so things will settle down.  Things settling at work will put my mind at ease and help me to think clearly about everything else.

We planted a vegetable garden today!  We are very excited about it.  Joe is most excited.  He wants to water the plants and spray them.  I can’t wait to see how it goes.  I’m not sure how well it will grow with the bugs around here.  We purchased and organic bug spray…hopefully that will do the trick.  One of the veggies we are growing is eggplant; the only thing I know to do with eggplant is to parmesan it, otherwise I’m clueless haha.  It should be a great learning experience and it will save lots of $$$ on fresh produce.

We had a great workout again today; I have something I need to take time to work out, like my fear of boxes. I can jump on a 12” box, but I struggle with doing it consecutively, without stopping.  It just gets in my head…its silly. Practice, practice J

I did well with my eating today…the weekend is coming up…always a challenge for me.  Here’s what I ate today:

700         2 eggs w/ turkey sausage 4oz prune juice

1115       small banana, protein shake, 8 almonds

145         6 oz steak ½ cup mushrooms

630         2 pork chops sautéed in olive oil, 1 cup broccoli

I love fried chicken!

Just when you think your kids are getting “it” a picture or essay comes home from school that proves you wrong J  Justin had to write a paragraph of his favorite food:

Greasy, Fried Chicken

My favorite food is fried chicken.  Fried chicken is very delicious.  They are juicy, and healthy.  If you taste it for the first time, you would go wild!  It has a lot of protein too.  You could buy it at Publix.  I love fried chicken!

Well, the good thing is that he knows chicken is a protein and proteins are important. But clearly we have some more work to do, like talk about how bad fried foods are for us, but my family has truly come quite a ways since I started my fitness journey. 

Joe and Justin received their report cards today and both made Honor Roll.  Joe was disappointed he missed straight A’s by 1 point.  We are so proud of all 3 boys for doing so well. 

Today was a great day, work could have been a bit more productive but there have been a few distractions there that I need to handle a bit better.  I’m letting some things get to me that I need to work on getting passed.

My eating was great today; a few of you asked why I wasn’t posting my food log anymore so I will begin to do so again tonight.  My water intake was great again today.  I drank just about a gallon today.  I can honestly say I’m feeling better physically and mentally about the water...it’s really not as bad as I made myself believe it was.

We had a GREAT group workout today, everyone worked hard and seemed to be pretty impressed with each other.  Right after our group workout I have my one on one training.  That was pretty tough but I think I did ok.  I felt great after the workouts, my head was clear and ready to focus on work; too bad my body didn’t agree haha.  Brent’s workouts are amazing and help me in so many ways; one of my favorite results is the instant release of stress…it’s amazing how differently you can feel from the time you walk into a workout to the time you crawl out...its great!

We have a small group from our Boot Camp at work who will be doing the Mud Run in October.  I am so excited that we have a few who are willing to do it.  I am so proud of them. It should be lots of fun.  Now to just get a few others to join in the mess J

I’ve been feeling good, feeling a bit confident; trying to approach things in a positive way and working on talking out things that I am unsure of.  I have such wonderful people, who are understanding, patient, so encouraging, and kind in my life.  I used to think that when something went well I was lucky…I am not lucky at all; I am, simply, blessed.

Here what I ate today:

715                         2 eggs, 3 links of turkey sausage, 4 oz. prune juice

1045                       1/2 banana, 8 almonds  (I missed my protein here)

230                         Turkey sausage with 1/2 cup onion, ½ cup mushrooms

530                         HUGE salad with lettuce, egg, grilled chicken, cucumber, bacon, tomato

1 Gallon of water throughout the day

Not to much for today...

Its report card week J  we picked up Nick’s tonight; Joe and Justin will get theirs tomorrow.  Nick did great, all A’s and B’s with the exception of a D in Latin.  Latin throws him completely.  The good thing is, is that he is done with it after this year.  The bad news is, next year he has to take French for 2 semesters and Spanish for 2 semesters.  Then for 8^th grade he will elect the language he wants to take.

Joe had his audition last night for the Charlie Brown performance.  Initially he wanted to try out for Linus and Schroeder.  He ended up trying out for Charlie Brown and Schroeder; no one else was trying out for Linus so I’m not sure if that mean he will automatically get it.  I’m a bit lost when it comes to this stuff.  He should know within the next 2 weeks which role he will play.

We are all looking forward to our trip to NY the end of April.  Looking forward to seeing my family and hoping to be able to spend some time with some old friends.  I’m dreading that long drive, but I have no doubt it will be worth it.

It was a pretty productive day at work.  Got lots of done including cleaning up the area we workout in.  Today’s workout went well; my running is improving and my eating was perfect. J  My face has broken out (Boooo) I’m pretty sure it’s from eating pork again but then I realized there are 2 new things I am using that may contribute to it.  I’ll lay off the pork for a week or so and see if it clears up; if it does not I’ll stop using one of the 2 other things…got to love the process of elimination.

It's a good day when it starts rough but ends well.

I was so conflicted about something today.  One of those things happened, that may not be a big deal to anyone else, but it was, or had the potential to be, the straw that broke the camel’s back. All’s I have to say is thank God for the words I heard yesterday at church.  If I didn’t hear what was said, if that message didn’t come across to me clearly something very important may have come to an end…ok so maybe I’m being a little dramatic but the thought did cross my mind.

My hand is still swollen but is a bit better.  Seems like a banged it up pretty good during batting practice yesterday.  We decided I wasn’t holding the bat tight enough.  The area between my thumb and index finger is swollen and real tender.  It did cause distraction during tonight’s workout; but then again so did the bugs, so I tried real hard to ignore it.   The workout was a good one, it was challenging, and it felt great.  We will all be experiencing lots of soreness tomorrow.  J

One of the biggest problems I have when working out is my head.  I let the workout get to me to easily and that causes me to struggle through it.  I take rests when I need to, but then I find myself taking a longer rest than I should because I’m telling myself over and over again that I can do it; I’m literally stalling myself, it’s ridiculous.  After the workout is over I could kick myself or over resting.  I need to stop thinking and just do! My mind is my worst enemy, it always has been.  Ok, so I know this, how do I fix it?

It was great to have Brent back and to work out with the girls tonight.  I only work out with them once a week and they are my favorite group to work with.  I missed last week because I wasn’t feeling well.  Brent shared some of his experiences with us from his mission trip.  I’m really looking forward to hearing more about it during our Bible Study Wednesday night.  There are so many things he taught me and made me think about that has changed the way I live my life.  I have been humbled, and I’m finding that is where I feel most comfortable.  It’s almost relieving to feel this way.  Most of my life has been based on materialistic things, what others think, what they say, and how they feel.  Living life like this is sloppy; it’s living for all the wrong reasons. The more I think, the more I pray, and the more I learn from Brent and the other’s I’ve surrounded myself with, the more humble and comfortable I become and, with that, I’m beginning to feel safe.  

The water intake was much better today.  I did my gallon, got my exercise going back and forth to the bathroom J  it’s tough for me to drink all that water but it makes me feel good.  The eating has been good to.  For my own 31 day challenge I took pork out of my diet, well I put it back in and I am experiencing puffiness and pimples.  Another great thing about Paleo is that you can really pinpoint how certain foods affect you.  I’m thinking that pork is not my friend as much as I thought it was…oh wellJ

Goals, goals, goals!

It was a very productive weekend for us J  Got lots of things done around the house but still lots more to do.  Today over all was great; sent the boys off to Sunday school with their dad while I stayed home and got ready for church.  Once they got home the boys and I headed for church.  I love that they get so much out of their services.

The message at church today was a great one and I was able to bring it back to some issues I have going on.  There was a guest Pastor in from a church in Tennessee.  He was great; I smiled so much through the service that my cheeks began to hurt.

We had our 2^nd softball practice today; our first game is next Sunday.  I feel like I got beat up.  I have a couple of bumps, bruises and a swollen hand with a thumb that doesn’t want to move very much.  I hurt it while batting…ouch!  But it was lots of fun and it should be a great season.

I heard from the Paleo guy.  Very excited about what he will be going over.  He is preparing us for 50 days of strict Paleo with not cheating.  I’m excited to see how he will direct us.  Here’s what he had to say today:

Hey Insider CavePeeps!

Super stoked... not long until the Final 50 Countdown Challenge takes off... and I'm sending this email with some reminders of how to make this happen without fail.

1. Clean sweep - Before the 50 days starts (today won't be too soon) do a clean sweep... get rid of everything that isn't Paleo as if I was there, in your kitchen (and the rest of your house - office- car), with you. And if something is of question it's probably on the no-no list. Now, this step is for everyone... single people, parents, kids... do what you have to do to set yourself up for success... if your family is supportive they may still resist this step because it affects them so don't be surprised if someone complains when you throw out their favorite bag of cookies... I don't care if you have to bribe them or demand or just whine until they cave... the success of this challenge rests on you following these steps as if I were a doctor giving you a prescription... listen... I've only lasted this long because I followed some really effective guidelines that worked that you are now getting exposure to.

2. Arm yourself - Do some additional homework now... know the restaurants you could go to (yes, I eat out at least 2 times a week without a problem because I did my homework, and you will too)... Here's a trick... talk to the manager to ask what the specific ingredients are if the menu doesn't say (sometimes waitresses don't know)... let the manager know that you would love for his establishment to be the place you go to "cheat" during this 50 days... if fact, you plan on posting up your favorite places on facebook and the YOTC page... I did this and even have a restaurant that named a dish after me... and the place I eat at has had visitors from out of state order it!!

3. Do your research - Have you actually read The Paleo Diet yet? If you're only getting your foundational information from other websites and posts chances are you could be missing something... also - visit Slankers Meats and look around. I've been ordering my meat from here for the past 2 months and LOVE IT! There is also a lot of other useful information I found there.

So, you have some homework to do before we officially start... April 12th is the start of the challenge so put that in your calendar.
Stay strong. Stay Paleo.
- Caveman

PS. Look for Caveman Prep Course part 2 shortly.

This should be a very enlightening experience for me.  I know I’ll be needing lots of support and prayers for success.  50 days is well over what I have been able to handle and there is a couple of holidays during that time and a trip to NY.  This will be the toughest challenge yet for me.  I’m hoping this will get me closer to making this a lifestyle change.  It’s happening slowly but surely.

Well it looks like we have almost 2 teams for the Mud Run in October.  I’m excited!  I need a goal for that time of the year and now I have one.  It should be great.  Time to start training for it J

So here are the goals I have set for myself so far:

·         Lose 30 lbs. By the end of June

·         Get through the 50 day Caveman challenge

·         Complete the Mud Run in October.

I don’t think any of these are unrealistic J just extremely challenging.

Overall my eating has been great.  I did take a cheat day today but did not over due it at all.  I'm disapointed that I didn't keep up with my water like I have for the last 2 days so I am going to extend it for another day.

Feeling good about so many things in this life right now.  I'm so thankful to God, my family, and friends.

Consistency and Stability...here I am.

Well I must say I have been haunted by the Oreo layer cake all day.  Every time I opened the refrigerator I could smell it.  I did great resisting it though; resisting always gives me a great feeling of accomplishment.  I've been back on track perfectly the last few days which is a great feeling for me.  Usually when I go off track with Paleo it takes me weeks to get back into it, not this time.  My self- control is really much better. Self-control is key for me…I have no doubt I will reach each goal I set for myself this year.

I did great with my water today; I drank over a gallon by early afternoon and I’m still drinking.  I’m getting a pretty good workout walking back and forth to the bathroomJ.  Speaking of a good workout; had a tough one with Valerie and Stacey today under the Oak Tree.  I am trying to figure out why we choose exercises that cause us to get on the ground and practically roll around in the leaves and the dirt.  Next weekend I am going to plan a workout and bring some equipment J I’m going through heavy lifting withdrawals.

I need to work on getting the family back on track.  Poor Justin ate too many carbs last week and his soft little belly has puffed out.  He has been cranky and so tired.  To this day it amazes me how horrible some foods are.  The way the affect us seem ridiculous yet we still indulge…even worse, we give it to our children.  He has been better today so we are off to a good “re-start”.  He is watching his portion sizes again and making sure he is having his protein with every meal.  If I could recommend anything to anyone who needs to change eating habits of their family the key is to lead by example.  My family started picking up better habits before I was even trying to get them to be aware of how they eat and exercise.  The boy’s schools are great about educating them on healthy eating and exercise; that and what they are seeing at home has made a difference.  Then, of course is the shopping, we stopped buying a lot of crap and started buying better foods.  Better quality foods, less processed foods, etc. This will be an ongoing challenge for us for the rest of our lives.  But the reward is amazing.  Well worth it J

I’ve been thinking a lot about refocusing on some things; I’ve been throwing a ton of energy into a program that has worn me down for a few reasons. I do need to come up with a plan to rejuvenate it a bit and get people excited again but I’m comfortable at this point that the program can hold its own and I can loosen up on the reigns a bit to.  Charitable work has been weighing heavy on my mind; I just can’t stop thinking about it.  I have a few ideas in mind that I am going to pursue but first I’m going to talk to a couple of people about fundraising…Just LOVE it and truly miss it since we haven’t done much in the last couple of years because of the economy.  I’m confident that between friends and business associates, we could raise a good amount of money and donate it to a great organization. I’ll keep you all posted on that.

We are planning on getting a group together and doing the Marine Mud Run in the fall.  We already have a few people who seem very excited about getting all muddy.  It will be a huge challenge for me but a great goal to set for myself.  It will be tough but not impossible…we are in it to complete not compete. Anyone want to join us?

The day has been a great one once again.  They seem too great on a regular basis.  It’s amazing how my change in perspective has changed my life.  I feel happy, content, and I feel stability.  Stability and consistency are my goals for this year.  So far I am on track and actually doing better than I thought I would at this point. The next thing I’m going to throw into the mix is talking to people about things I am either unsure about or upset with.  Being passive is not working for me anymore.  I learned from a friend that anything can be said if it’s said the right way and I truly believe that I’m just not sure I could say something the right way without getting emotional and crying haha…I just hate when that happens.

Well, I’m excited to see how I will be in a few months.  I’m looking forward to a more stable, spiritual, healthier, fit and much smaller me which all equates to a very happy and content me (and a happy TJ tooJ).

Well I made it through my gallon of water.  It wasn’t all that bad.  It’s just one of those things I need to do and not think about.  Tomorrow will be more difficult since I will be out and about, not sitting at my desk with a jug of water all day.  Need a plan for that for sure.  In addition to drinking all that water, I walked at least 2 miles going back and forth to the bathroom.

Today was a pretty awesome day.  The weather was perfect, did great with eating, a pretty great workout that made my quads SCREAM for mercy….gotta love it.  The only downside of the day was that Joe had to go to the doctor.  His allergies are horrible right now.  The coughing, sneezing, congestion and the cute little graspy voice.  He should be ok once he gets going with his antibiotics, zyrtec (adult dose) and cingulair.

We need a few prayers for him that he is cleared up by Monday.  The next performance is in July and they are doing Charlie Brown.  Joe is auditioning for Linus and Schroeder.  We are hoping his allergies won’t cause him to lose the part.

The weekend is pretty full.  Steam cleaning carpets tonight, baseball practice in the morning and workout with Valerie, painting, ripping up carpet and hopefully laying a new floor by the end of the day Sunday.  I think I may sound just a little unrealistic right now, haha. 

Is it Happy Hour yet? I'm planning on drinking all weekend. Anyone want to join me...Time to drink up!

I woke up feeling great and very humbled this morning.  When I realized this, I immediately felt the need to pose a challenge to myself.  Since I started my fitness journey I have struggled with drinking water…YUCK, drinking what I think is too much water makes me nauseous.   I’ve gotten better but I don’t drink nearly as much as Brent has recommended; 1 Gallon a day, seriously?  That sounds so ridiculous to me.

When I woke up this morning, I couldn’t help but think about people who don’t have access to water like we do.  How selfish am I to complain about not wanting to drink something my body requires when there are so many people in our world who consider themselves blessed if they are able to take in a few sips of it a day?

My challenge is to drink at least a gallon of water throughout the weekend; beginning today and ending Monday.  I know I can do this if I keep in mind those who go without and if I keep in in mind water is a necessity, not a luxury that should be taken for granted.  

With that said, my biggest challenge may not be getting the water down; it may be the staying aware of something I take for granted that so many others lack.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! 

I can't believe this month is half over; life seems to be flying by lately.  It goes way to fast to start with then it seems like I’m constantly rushing through and wishing my life away.

What a wonderful birthday I had.  It was quiet; I spent it with my boys, exactly what I wanted to do.  They are all so sweet.  I love you guys so much!  I was overwhelmed with posts, emails, text messages, and phone calls yesterday.  Thank you, to everyone, I felt so special.  I, too often, forget how blessed I truly am.

Yesterday was one of those days where I did lots of thinking.  I had trouble falling asleep; I was up until about 1 AM.  Of course when that happens my mind keeps going which makes it even harder to fall asleep.
I was thinking about my family, my mom and dad who I really miss.  We will be going to visit for my dad’s birthday the end of April, my sister and my brothers, and all my cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends.  It was one of those days where I missed everyone I couldn’t see.

When I lived in NY we all, always, got together for each other’s birthdays.  We always had so much fun.  Having a HUGE family is wonderfully crazy when everyone crams into 1 house.  It's was always so loud.  Although I miss that, I was perfectly content with sitting in my bed with the boys and watching TV.

TJ got this huge cake from a local bakery...it was so yummy...that may have been another reason why I was up late last night.  I am going to have to force feed that cake to a few great friends before I end up throwing it away, which would really be a shame...anyone want a piece?

I worked on getting back on track today.  It went well.  That’s always a great feeling for me.  My workout even went well.  I had to run, which is never fun for me, but I did pretty well.  I even received compliments from a couple of co-workers who watched.  Life is good when I get a compliment on running haha. And although my good running still sort of sucks compared to others in our group, I got through the other 2 exercises we had to do pretty quickly so I wasn’t to far behind some and I was way ahead of a few others.  I felt pretty good after today’s workout.  Justin has baseball practice on Saturday mornings so my gal pal Val and I plan to workout at the field along with anyone else who would like to join us.  2 weeks ago we worked out under a HUGE oak tree...it was perfect.

I’m still waiting for my next email from the Paleo Caveman I mentioned in my last post.  I’m really looking forward to hearing what he has to say.  I’m excited to learn about how he adjusted to this lifestyle.  I started using a couple of new products that are all natural, non-toxic.  I’m starting with just a cleanser and moisturizer.  My skin is so sensitive so I have to take transitions from products slowly.  My face usually breaks out within 2-3 days whenever I use a new shampoo, moisturizer, makeup, etc. but so far with this product my face had been looking pretty clear.  It feels a lot softer, smoother, and my rosacea is barely there.  If all goes well with this product Ill transition into the shampoo and other products.  My goal is to, at some point, live a clean, healthy life.  So far the biggest challenges are adjusting physically and the expense...a clean, non-toxic, healthy life style is not cheap...but it will be worth every penny spent I’m sure.

We were very excited to learn that Joe's next performance for his youth group will be Charlie Brown.  Joe is trying out for Schroeder and Linus.  He will have to sing solo for his auditions...hmmm...his singing is not up to par yet so we are keeping our finger crossed he does well.  His allergies certainly aren’t helping the situation at all.  He did say that if he doesn’t get either part he wants to play Woodstock who is considered and extra in this performance.  Well we'll keep you posted on how it goes...auditions are Monday.  We were hoping to get him some singing lessons before then but there isn’t enough time, oh well, prayers will do just fine.

"There is no failure except in no longer trying." ~ Elbert Hubbard

It’s been a while; life has gotten very complex for me lately.  I’ll start with the diet; it hasn’t gone as I planned.  It’s not bad, just not as I planned.  I was hoping to get through tomorrow perfectly but wasn’t able to.  I’ve been over analyzing what went wrong and it always comes back to emotions and lack of planning.  I spoke to Nicole who seems to do well with Paleo.  We talked about how to get through emotional times and the dreaded week or so of PMSing.  She told me she will indulge in Paleo approved foods.  I will be working that into my way of life now.  There are so many little things that need to be conquered to get this straight.

I’m going to try something new with Paleo.  Well “new” isn’t the right word, I’m going to follow someone’s lead.  This person has been on a quest to do Paleo with absolutely not cheats and has been successful.  He’s going to be working with 100 people through email and I was lucky enough to be 1 of his 100.  We received our first email last night with some insight to his program.  Here’s what he has in mind for us:

·        How to go 30, 50, 90 (or hell a crazy YEAR) 100% Paleo... and make it look easy!

·        820 meals 100% Paleo (when all is said and done)

·        Difference between Paleo -Paleo for Athletes- Paleo Solution- Primal ideologies and which of these works best for what reason

·        How to integrate the 4 Hour Body tricks (and what does actually work)

·        Gourmet recipes that are Paleo AND fast

·        How to shop Paleo

·        How to eat out Paleo (and what to specifically ask for at any restaurant)

·        How to avoid crap eating traps (and friends honestly)

·        How to plan your week to be successful

I may find out that I know more than I think; but what I may learn is how to put it all together.  I’m determined to get this craziness that Brent introduced me to; he somehow knew that this was the best lifestyle change for me and I absolutely agree.  When I am faithful to the Paleolithic way of eating I feel great!  My skin is clear, I think better, I’m not bloated, in fact, my entire digestive system feels differently, and actually works, as long as my meats and veggies are well balanced.  The only negative factor I experience is with my workouts.  I feel like I can’t get them to the intensity they need to be. I do think once I get this way of life all sorted out it the intensity will be there.  It’s just so damn hard to change the messy, toxic way I’ve been living.

So, with all that said, I’m not planning on weighing Wednesday as originally planned.  For one, it won’t be the best time of the month for me to weigh; feeling way to bloated and I don’t want to be discouraged.  I was excited yesterday; we had our first softball practice and a couple of the ladies on the team commented on my weight loss.  Last week during baseball practice Stephanie commented on my weight loss as well and we had a good talk about what we are both doing to reach our goals. Conversations like these are always so encouraging and make me want to keep moving forward. Although I feel like I’m failing at this at times I don’t want to give up.  In fact, I don’t think there is anything I’ve failed so much at yet I keep getting back up to give it another shot.  I WILL make this work for me J

All my anxiety came from something I was dreading for years.  I never thought the day would come but it finally did (DAMN IT!)  I was talking with my friend Jennifer about her son being bullied on the bus.  I was so upset for him and her.  We had a meeting at school with Nick’s teachers Wednesday.  The Asst. Principal told us he had to suspend a boy from school and the bus because he bullied Nick.  For some reason it felt like an out of body experience.  As time went on and as I drove home it became more real to me.  With each passing minute I became angry.  I didn’t know what to do.

When we got home we asked Nick about it and he said he wasn’t bullied.  That made me even more upset.  I felt that he couldn’t come to us and was so worried that he would become a target because he wouldn’t defend himself.

I received an email from a friend who asked me to call someone whose name I didn’t recognize.  It was the mom of the young boy who was suspended.  It turns out that we know the parents from elementary school.  They are great people.  We talked about the incident and we are all feeling very positive about it.

I was still very upset that Nick didn’t say anything about the situation.  I received an email from the Asst. Principal that it was done behind Nicks back.  Nick must have been buried in his DS with ear buds on and didn’t realize what was going on.  I have never been so thankful for the DS.  Nick is such a loving boy.  He sees nothing but good in people and I was so afraid this would change the way he views others and more importantly himself. 

We are in the process of meeting with professionals on how to present Asperger’s Syndrome to Nick.  We want to do it in the most positive way.  We don’t want him to feel like there is something wrong with him, there simply is not.  He is an amazing child who needs a few accommodations because his thought process is different than some others.  I checked his grades this morning online.  He has mostly A’s and just 2 B’s…how awesome is that?  I’m so proud of that boy.  I truly wouldn’t want him to be any other way; I just love him so.

Hungry and craving...

Just one more day to go to complete a full 3 weeks of strict Paleo than 7 more days of it and I’m done.  Don’t get me wrong, I will continue to do it, I will just add a bit for fruit to it.  It really is a great way of eating. Lots of people can do it and add so much variety.  The problem I have is that all the variety you add to it increases carb intake.  Once I finish losing weight I’ll start experimenting with different kinds of recipes.

Today was another good day.  I am extremely sore from this week’s workouts.  We have been beaten up!!  I’m sore from arm pits to knees…OUCH!  Our trainer is out for a couple of weeks so he left us with workouts.  Whenever we start a new one we are commenting on how difficult the workouts he left with us are; they seem more challenging than the ones we do when he is there.  One thing is for sure, he has left us with workouts and soreness that will not allow us to forget him while he is gone. J

We were very proud of Justin today.  His trainer had him and Joe walk to the park by our house with 10lb plates overhead, they did a workout at the park, and then he had to run home.  He ran all the way without stopping.  It’s not very far to you and me, but to an overweight 8 year old it is.  He too is very sore; he’s limping around the house.  Poor little guy has his first baseball practice at 9AM; he is going to be hurting.  I can’t wait to see how he does; his fitness level has improved so much.

Temptation to eat was all around me today; big time cravings for any kind of carb. Nothing satisfied my cravings today.  Usually a chocolate protein shake satisfies me, but not today.  We had dinner out; I ate well, prime rib and greens beans.  I thought this would satisfy me, but it did not. The best thing for me to do when I feel this way is to go to my room, relax, and try not to think about my grumbling tummy.  It’s working well so far.

Here’s what I ate today:

700                         3 eggs, turkey bacon, prune juice

100                         2 large pcs grilled chicken breast, asparagus

315                         Protein shake, 6 almonds

630                         Prime rib, green beans, onions, 1 small piece of potato

Things are great...God is Good, No Doubt about it

Well my third week is almost done.  I'm real pleased with how it’s gone so far.  I have struggled a little bit with temptation but I haven’t given in to it.  I’m hoping I can hold onto this mindset for a while J

Something weird happens to me when I am doing this type of diet.  After a couple of weeks my head clears.  I handle things differently; my outlook is different.  I feel good about myself therefore I feel more secure.  When I feel more secure I feel more confident in telling people how I feel.  I can explain myself better. It’s a great feeling, something else I hope will last a while.

Baseball starts this weekend!  I’m excited!  Justin is playing and I can’t wait to see how he's progressed.  Everything he’s been involved in this year he has improved tremendously.  Its coach pitch so TJ will be an assistant to Coach Jamie and he will also be the pitcher.  We are looking for forward to lots of fun with good friends.

We have lots of exciting things coming up in the next few weeks.  I’m especially looking forward to open house at School of the Arts for Joe.  I was there for his audition but I didn’t tour the school.  I can’t wait to see it and learn all about what we can expect.  Joes real excited to.

We also have a baby shower coming up to.  Just love that kind of stuff; it’s so much fun, such a joyful occasion.  That same night we have Nick’s school fundraiser, which should be a blast as well.

There are so many wonderful things happening in my life; so many wonderful people in my life to enjoy things with.  God is good.

For eats today were:

700                  eggs, turkey bacon, prune juice
1115                Meatloaf, mixed veggies, 6 almonds
215                  Protein shake
600                  Grilled chicken breast, large salad, asparagus

Water              approx. 96 oz.

To see progress made is great, to actually feel it, is amazing!

Today was a pretty awesome day…of course there was an exception to that but otherwise, awesome.  I was feeling great today.  I decided to break one of my “rules”.  Wasn’t going to weigh myself until the 16^th but for some reason I felt compelled to do so.  I was excited to see that I lost 8lbs since I started 16 days ago.  WOO HOO!!  Not too bad.  That’s a total of 16lbs since the beginning of January.  I’m very excited about my progress.  My goal is to lose an average of 5lbs each month, which I believe, is realistic for me; I’m already 6 pounds over my average in just over 2 months.

I’m on a roll and feeling great about this.  I’m trying to figure out if there’s a way to lose 13 more pounds by the 16^th.  I think I may be pushing it though.  If I do that, I will be at another milestone. I need to stop thinking that this is a possibility; I don’t want to set myself up for failure.  I am going to make some adjustments to my diet.  I’m going to cut my prune juice intake by half.  I don’t want to cut out my protein I will just need to find leaner meats.  I am thinking about cutting back on my whey, not sure about that though, and I will increase my water intake.  That’s a start; we’ll see how it goes.

Had to say good bye for a while to a friend today.  Our friend Liz is in the Navy and is heading back to Norfolk this weekend then will be deployed to the Middle East until July.  Having to say good bye to someone you care about and someone who has helped you is so hard.  She and I got a long great; we were a great support system for each other.  We would both do Paleo together and hold each other accountable.  We worked out together often and when we did my workouts were better.  She was a great motivator for me. I’ve found the bonds I’ve made with people who I work out and diet with are the strongest bonds I’ve ever made.  I’m really going to miss her L

I get so hung up on myself in such a negative way.  I feel as though I’m so easily forgettable.  I know I am the person who is “out of sight, out of mind”.  I feel as though I’m so easy to walk away from, that my friendship isn’t all that valuable. I just hate that I feel that way about myself.  So Liz…Don’t forget about me!! We need to do the Mud Run in the fall!

Got to share a special moment with one of the ladies in our Boot Camp at work.  We did her measurements, she lost 5.5 inches in her waist alone.  Down from a size 12 to a 6!  WoW!!  I L-O-V-E those moments.  Tears of joy…I’m so proud of the people I work with.  Once again, those special bonds with those you work out with are amazing.

Eating went ok today….I slacked on my veggies but I will make up for it tomorrow.  Here’s what I ate today:

700                         2 eggs, turkey sausage (that’s right I figured I would sausage a shot), prune juice

1145                       Hamburger

215                         Protein shake

600                         Salmon steak, broccoli, olives