The day went pretty well and I'm excited to say, it was Jackass free.  I can't remember anyone aggravating me today.  Things seemed to go pretty smooth and it was just as productive as it was yesterday.

I did my two workouts today at work.  30 minute workout, 15 minutes of mobility stuff, then another 30 minutes.  It wasn't too bad, the workouts were pretty simple and went quickly.  So much so that we added on to them. 

Today was Day 2 of that darn fast.  I did well all day but broke down and ate dinner.  I was starving!  I had a very healthy dinner...no regrets here!  I weighed myself this morning and lost four and a half pounds.  I;m excited about the loss but not so sure I could go 3 full days doing something like this.

I got caught up in homework again and looking for a my sons book he lost so I wasn't able to get things done AGAIN tonight.  I lost it on my 13 year old; yes I flipped out (since he is so sweet he is exempt from Jackass status) and he is without his Xbox for now.  He was stunned and upset and although I was upset I am just too tired to deal with the same thing over and over again after a long day at work.

That's about it for tonight...until next time.

Fasting Sucks!

Nope, I am not happy...today pretty much sucked.  I was pretty satisfied throughout the morning but really struggled all afternoon.  Two more days to go of this then I'm done.

Aside from dealing with hunger today was a pretty productive day; a good day for the most part. I hope tomorrow goes well.  Some days are too unpredictable for me to handle.  I am disappointed that I didn't get some things done that I planned today once I got home.  The boys cleaned up a good part of the garage for me yesterday so I could start working out in there again.  I wanted to finish it up tonight and get started on some things but I got caught up with homework and I am just pooped besides.  Hopefully tomorrow evening I'll be able to get in there and do what needs to be done.  My other plan is to do both 30 minute classes at work on Tuesday and Thursdays.  There is a couple of reasons why I feel the need to start doing this, but one being that I feel like I just need more workout time.  I'm going to give it a try and see how I feel at the end of the week.  If it's too much then I will have to change my plan.

I'm not really looking forward to being hungry again tomorrow...I know crankiness will kick in and I'm sure I will offend someone in some unintentional way but I really don't think I'm going to give a flying flip.

On to more exciting things...I am very excited for the lady I am working with and the GREAT news he received today.  It's been a rough few weeks for her and, although I don't know all the fact, it looks likes thing will be working out well...Praise God for prayers answered!

I spoke to my mom tonight and there is a very good chance they will be going to FL the end of May for my nephews graduation. We are pretty excited about that!  It looks like we will be able to make it as well as my other brother and his family.  It doesn't look like my sister can make it, I'm hoping that will change.  It would be great to have our entire family together to celebrate Anthony's graduation and my mom's 70th birthday.

Something else I'm looking forward to is reuniting with a group of childhood friends!  We have plans to get together the beginning of August...we are all so excited.  Everyone will be driving to Charleston for a long weekend.  It is going to be amazing!!

I guess that's it for tonight.  I'm praying tomorrow will be a feel good, Jackass free day :)

Plan A, B, C.....Hmmm, No, I think I'm up to Plan Q...

Well here we are again...does it ever end?  No!  I can't let it, not yet.  What's the new plan...the new plan is to go back to the old plan.  I'm starting with a fast/detox then straight into clean eating <sigh>

The good thing is that there is much inspiration around me at home, at work and with friends.  I spent a couple of hours with a great group of ladies this afternoon who have their fitness plans; they are prepared and executing them.  We are gathering weekly for a small group bible study/support system.  We've been talking about doing this for a few months and we finally pulled it all together today.  Now that we have it started I think we will keep it going.

Today's church service hit me pretty hard today.  Tears ran down my face practically the entire time.  It gave me a lot to think about.  I struggle with the feeling that something was taken away from me before its time, that I was a convenience, used, disrespected then left to feel completely worthless.  A few months ago I vowed to push those feelings aside, and I did.  It's been great until things were stirred up again today.  But at the end of the message, it was said that because it didn't work or go as planned the first time doesn't mean it has to end.  This made me feel better; as if there were still hope for what I want to do and how I want to look and feel.

I found someone I think I just might be able to rely on.  Someone one who at times will be hard on me, even make me cry.  But that someone will always be here; never turn their back on me, walk away from me.  I won't ever have to worry about what this person is thinking, I'll always know.  There will be no guesses, no games, no assumptions, questions, concerns, misunderstandings...nothing like that. We start tomorrow...it's a new beginning...yes, ANOTHER new beginning, but a beginning nonetheless.

A Virus....BLECK!

Well Justin and I woke up this morning still feeling crappy.  He and I headed to the doctor so we could be surrounded by 20 other sicker people.After strep tests and blood work it was determined we have a virus...a miserable virus.  Justin seems better this evening and I'm better to...thank God...we are heading into 2 full days of training and the last thing I want to be feeling is bad.

So of course I get weighed at the doctors office and I am not happy with the scale.  I'm sort of baffled with the number going up and down like they are.  I knew I wasn't great over the weekend and I have had my moments over the weekends but there should still be more progress especially at this point.

Seeing this has made my mind up and made me realize I need to attack this and stop this non sense.  I am going to give up processed foods and bad carbs completely for Lent.  I should be able to lose an easy 20 lbs. just by doing this.

I always feel like something gets in my way...like this week I wanted to start weight training at home; I can give you the 2 or 3 reasons why I did not but they are just damn excuses at this point.  I need to get that fight back into me...the fight I had a couple of years ago when I tackled whatever got in my way of eating well and working out.  Everything I need is either already embedded in me or at my fingertips.  Lent starts Wednesday...I'm going to mentally prepare myself for this and prove to myself that I can do this again.

I'm pretty excited about how things are going at work with our wellness program. Most participants are excited about what we are doing...others semed either concerned or nervous.  Of course there are always things that can be tweaked, but for the most part it is the most successful its ever been.  We had a couple of pretty excited participants this morning when we were playing with a new piece of equipment I picked up this weekend.  It just makes me smile to see how excited people get over some things.  It's pretty awesome.

Well I'm going to try to keep my blog daily once Lent begins; it's going to be tough times but I can do it!

Damn, I Totally Jinxed Myself!

Just Friday I stood outside my bosses door and explained to her that I never get sick when the rest of the family is.  I told her I usually feel a bit out of sorts but I don't get hit hard with it.  Well, CRAP if I wasn't sick as a dog this weekend and laid up in bed most of it.  I was sick to my stomach, headache, and so tired.  A was running a low fever and achey.  When I woke up this morning my stomach felt better bit then poor Justin woke up with a fever, headache, and stomach ache.  I felt so bad for him.  He laid down with me for a while then we started giving him Motrin and lots of fluids.  He has beenquiet and out of sorts all day but says he feels better.  We'll see how he feels when he wakes up in the morning.

As for me, when I don't feel well I feel the need to eat crackers, pretzels and drink gingerale. I always seem to feel that eating something sweet will make me feel better but it really doesn't.  Today I feel puffy...not so much bloated but puffy from the salt and bread type stuff. I'm looking forward to getting back to eating "normally" tomorrow.

I've been really thinking about getting back on Paleo a lot lately.  With that thought, my husband asked me what I am giving up for Lent.  So, I'm thinking why not give up processed foods.  I have never been able to complete 4 straight weeks of Paleo without cheating.  Well if I decide this is something I need to sacrafice for God for all he sacraficed for me, I should be able to...right?  Well, I'm not sure.  It's a sacrafice I need to make, I'm just trying to evaluate if this is something I feel I can do successfully. I have 2 more days to think and pray about it before I make my final decision.

I also need to get my weekends on track.  I have been doing great with my eating during the week but not so well on the weekends.  My schedule during the week is ideal...the weekends are so unpredictible.
I'm working at taking my life a day at a time.  WHatever is not in my day will not be a thought...if it is a thought, I try to erase it.  It's not something that always works, especially when I need to be proactive haha but it helps with lots of other things.

An evening that was miserable, weather wise, turned out to be a great family night!  TJ called me before I arrived home and said, "what do you want to do for dinner cause this bitch is tired of cooking?"  My response, "did you just call yourself a bitch?" and we both just laughed.  So, I went home and picked them all up.  We headed over to Parson Jacks at a nice quiet dinner and good conversation then headed over to Goodwill...Nick absolutely loves that place.  We got some good stuff to haha.  We found a Tommy Hilfiger bookbag that was brand new, never used, for $4; perfect for Justin!  Once we were done thrift store shopping we headed home to take showers and relax.

Today was a pretty good day all around.  Work was busy but I got lots done. I thought I just might die today when working out, turns out I didn't.  In fact, I felt pretty bad all morning.  I've been tired, achy in odd spots and nauseous.  After the workout I felt a much better for a few hours.  The workout on the other hand was a minor mess haha.  We had to do 5 sit ups, 10 push ups, 15 squats every minute on the minute 20 rounds.  Sounds easy but its not at all.  It soon got to the point where I couldn't get to the squat and I was doing sit ups and push ups...I never wanted to do squats so bad in my life haha and then he told those who were falling behind to start with the squats.  Ahhh...what a relief...the best thing I heard the trainer say in a long time haha. 

It was tough, the push ups were really getting to my lower back so after we were done I grabbed a lacrosse ball and laid on it to loosen up my back.  What a difference that made!  I have an appointment with the chiropractor tomorrow which will help.  I missed my appointment last week, I can't believe how much my back tightens up when I don't see him.

We have a busy weekend ahead of us then a busy week after that.  I won't be participating in any group workouts next week, I am on my own.  I'm kind of looking forward to it...I actually have a plan and workouts from the trainer.  We have some garage cleaning to do (big time) so I can start doing my thing again...I'm excited about using all that equipment I have in our garage...it's going to be fun!

Lord it has been a busy day!  So thankful I made it through!  Work has been busy as we are preparing for training sessions next week;finalizing presentations, handouts and logistics can be stressful on top of daily tasks but it is fun.  I'm really looking forward to seeing how it all goes next week.

I absolutely love the ladies I get to spend my Wednesday evenings with.  They are such a wonderful group of inspirational, non judgemental, fun ladies.  I feel such peace when I am with them; they are so easy to share with.  Since it's been so hectic the past month I haven't been able to spend much time with them; I really missed being around them.  My husband is so awesome; he has given up one of his sports nights so I would be able to attend our small group more often.

Have you ever felt so good about yourself one day then the next day feel like crap?  That was me today during our workout...it really sucked.  I was so frustrated that I pretty much just gave up, this is not something I'm proud of.  We had 5 minutes to do a 400 meter run (I think that's what it was) then do as many overhead presses as possible, when that 5 minutes was up we had to run again then more overhead presses...continue that until you reach 100 over head presses.  It was so frustrating for me to spend most of the time on the run part and barely any time on the other.  I hate it when I can't  finish a workout....ugh!  Oh, well tomorrow is a new day and a new workout, hopefully it will be a successful one for me I can't afford to lose what little confidence I have gotten back.  I must say, from what little I did today, I am hurting haha.

Speaking of hurting, my darn big toe is hurting so bad.  Every night when I get in bed it just throbs,,,weird.  My toe nail is slowly coming off from the half marathon in December.  I am doing my best at ignoring it because just the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach haha.  Looks like I will be sporting a 3rd of a toenail during the summer months just like last year.

My eating was ok today...I could of have done without a few things but I'm not going to dwell on any of that. Otherwise it was all good and I was able to get a decent amount of water down.

Another day gone and I still feel at ease.  There is much peace in our lives...is it perfect? Nope it's not.  But everything I have in my life right now seems to be all I need.

Is there really anything wrong with being in bed at 7PM?

I have been so sleepy lately...just one of those things I can't seem to shake.  My poor husband isn't feeling well and has been running a fever.  Looks like he may have aught something over the weekend.  There are a few kids who where, and still are, sick over the weekend during the performance.  So, he is resting and I am fighting to keep my eyes open so I don't wake up at 2AM.

My plan, as far a diet and exercise goes, is to have a GREAT February!  So far I am off to a good start and everything seems to be falling into place.  The eating has been great; been prepping and sticking to what I'm planning out.  My workout today was close to pretty good.  It was tough but I got through it.  I am hurting now...I have that pretty great soreness going on which I can deal with; it's the back pain the throws me for a loop...that I don't want and can absolutely do without.  Certain exercises seem to get to it more than others so I really just need to smile though it.

I am very excited about starting up strength training.  The plan is to get into 2 strength workouts a week.  I'm really hoping this will be what I need to boost my confidence a bit more and keep me going.  So starting this week I will have 3 regular workouts, 2 strength workouts, and a walk/run in there somewhere.  I am slowly but surely getting back to everything I was doing when I had success.

Other areas of my life are peaceful right now.  There are things happening around me that are upsetting; I pray for people and situations regularly, but I am not letting the situations others are in consume me.  I am empathetic and I will do what I can to help anyone but I had to do something with the emotions that overwhelm me.

Another thing I realized is that I am not allowing others to get the best of me.  I'm more aware now then ever, that things I blamed myself for and beat myself up about were never all me.  I have beat myself up many times for situations that came up.  It is just too exhausting haha...I can't do it anymore.  If a situation begins to get out of hand, negative, abusive, whatever...you get the point...I need to step away from it or just drop it.  I am less of a problem than I think I am haha.

Well we shall see how successful this month is for me...I pray that I can maintain this outlook and that my life remains peaceful...I really believe with these 2 things I will have the success I'm hoping for.

And Thats A Wrap!

The first show of the year is done!  Wow...its been crazy, stressful, and oh so wonderful!

Joe had a great show...he is always such fun to watch.  It was fun to see him on stage with his sweet little girlfriend, Tallulah, hanging on his arm.  He even  had to give her a fake kiss haha.  We are always amazed, and we know we are beyond blessed, when we see all the people who make it out to the theatre to see the performances.  We are so thankful to everyone.  Its always such a fun surprise to see who pops in to see the show.

Nick joined the tech group this year.  Now that has been a new experience for us all.  He would meet with them twice a month starting in September or October then around show time they meet more often.  Show week was crazy.  He had to load the truck on Sunday, be at the theatre at 8AM on Monday to unload the truck; they were done by 5PM which meant no school.  Tuesday was tech run through. Wednesday was the first dress rehearsal, Thursday was  dress with makeup rehearsal, Friday and Saturday shows.  The Saturday after the show was the strike.  The tech crew had to stay after the show, pack, and load the truck.  Nick was exhausted and just wanted to head home.  He had a tough time accepting the fact that he had to stay and do this.  I hated to leave him when he was upset but it was part of the responsibility he agreed to and I wasn't about to let him walk away from it.  He called us after  a little while and said they were headed back to CYC's Warehouse so we left to go meet him.  Turns out he had a blast!   My husband and I helped Nick and the rest of the crew unload the truck then we all headed to Waffle House for something to eat.  What a great groups of people.  Today at 2 they tech crew met at the warehouse again to put everything in its place and then had a party afterwards.  They ate and watched the video from the show.  Nick said he had the best time...How I love to hear him say that.  I'm sure he didn't interact too much with the others but he loved listening to them and watching them.  I pray that he sticks with this and keep on enjoying it; I know that he will find his comfort zone within the group and start interacting and forming friendships.

Now what about Justin...well he just loved the show and would probably do anything to be the president of the January Little Fan Club.  He adores this guy!  January is in the Senior Company and had a lead role.  He was awesome and so much fun to watch.  Justin never goes to more than 1 show but just had to so he could see January again.  Justin even purchased a picture of January from the memorabilia table.  After the show my husband saw January and told him how much Justin liked him and wanted his autograph.  January was so surprised.  He went outside and when he saw Justin he yelled out to everyone on the crowded city street and said :Hey everyone this is m friend Justin, say hi to him"  It was so sweet, Justin had the biggest smile on his face.  Justin told January that he bought his picture with the money he got from the tooth fairy.

My boys just make me smile...they are my heart.  They are all so different yet each one of them is perfect.  I love them so darn much.  I can't imagine what my life would be like without them.

 As for me...I need to get mas a$$ back on my diet.  I have slacked!  No excuses here though, I didn't plan well and I made bad choices.  I'm looking forward to getting back on track tomorrow.  I really want to have a successful February.  I have small goals that I've set for myself and I really don't want to screw them up so early in the game haha.

My back has not been great; I'm hoping that with the play being over, stress will be less and that will help easy the tightness in my back.  A huge load was lifted Wednesday morning...yes, prayers were answered again.  I am so thankful to God for this one particular blessing that is really going to be such a tremendous help to us.

I'm excited about a new small group Bible study we will be doing.  It will only be a few ladies...who have been wanting to do something together for a couple of months.  I received all of our materials today, now we just have to start meeting and sharing.  It's going to be a great experience!