Torn...

This week has been crazier then we ever expected.  Never before have we had such a hectic show week...we are all quite exhausted.

Today was a pretty stressfull day for me.  My back has really been acting up which always leads to increased numbness in my leg; stress always seems to make it worse.  I think I've been handling that pretty well lately by not letting it get into my head and just pushing through the workouts. I really want to get back into lifting.  I have everything I need in my garage, which just happens to be a mess right now, I just need to get started.  That, I know, will build up my confidence...I think haha.  Its been a long while since I picked up a bar. I do worry about hurting my back and making it worse...but I guess I wont know until I give it a shot.

I do feel like something is missing from my workouts, I just can't put my finger on it.  I think its something within me that's still disconnected.  I think everything will come back to me soon though.  I just have to keep looking for whatever it is that's missing or come up with something to replace whatever it was.  I'm enjoying the workouts like I used to, our group at work is great, there's lots of enthusiasm again within the group; people are excited and that makes me feel like we are accomplishing what we set out to do.  I'm looking forward to working out this weekend with another group although I will say an hour workout kicks my butt big time plus I am not used to the trainer and his style of training which makes the entire workout totally unpredictable...I hate not knowing what to expect haha.

I really really want to get back to where I was in the late summer of 2011.  The more I think about where I was lately, the more I want to get back there.  Up until a little while ago whenever I thought about where I was, I would have tons of regrets; I would torture myself about letting myself go. Eh, but that's way behind me now. I'm focusing on not rehashing and dwelling on negative things and it's working out pretty well for me.

But...what I can't figure out is what is stopping me from accepting a great offer and opportunity?  This is what I am torn about.  I only have another day or two to make a decision then it's gone.  I need to really convince myself that this is for me and about me...no one else...right?  right!