Learning from the mistakes of others is so much easier than learning from your own...

Starting a New Year RIGHT can make all the difference.   Is getting drunk off your ass and possibly blacking out a way to celebrate a new beginning?  HECK NO!!  Why you ask….Well, here’s a few reasons:

You can…

1.       Hurt someone else or yourself

2.       Kill someone else or yourself

Oh…cool…that won’t happen to you?  You have someone “responsible” driving?

Someone else can…

1.       Kill you

2.       Kill themselves

Oh even better… you are spending the night at someone’s house.  Best bet…so you CAN get obviated…awesome…So then you can drink your little heart out and possibly hmmm…get raped! 

But it’s all good…you’re too messed up to realize it.  But don’t worry; you will realize it at some point.  You may end up with a lovely sexually transmitted disease, HIV, or AIDS…but it’s all good because you set out to celebrate a new beginning by getting trashed…and its only you getting hurt…you’re not that important to yourself because if you were you wouldn’t want to get so “fucked up” anyway, right?   Oh and the doctor can always fix you right up, right…Ummm, sure.

What if you get pregnant?

Where does that leave you, someone else, or a baby?  How’s that for a new beginning?  Maybe great in the eyes of some, but for most it’s not the new beginning they were looking for. 

So you get pregnant, you can…

1.       Have an abortion

2.       Keep your child

3.       Get married to the guy you just met and live miserably ever after

Whatever “choice” you make I can GUARANTEE you it WILL affect you for your entire life.  Although a child is always a blessing or if you believe that abortion is nothing other than a form of birth control, you WILL have regrets, your life will change, YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.

So, with that said, enjoy yourself, do not abuse alcohol or drugs.  Don’t have “great” sex with someone just because you THINK it will make them “love” you or because you just “need to get laid”.  Do not think you have to or try to impress anyone; you are fooling, hurting, and possibly even killing yourself and/or someone else.

Make this new beginning the best ever.  Everything you do needs to be on your terms, not someone else’s AND they need to be for the right reasons.  Be with those and only those you trust…and trust me when I tell you, there are few.

 Live, love, and laugh tonight and every night and day for the rest of your life.

PLEASE be safe, protect yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Happy New Year, God’s Blessings to everyone!

“You must trust and believe in people or life becomes impossible.” (Ummm, WRONG!)

It's the end of the year...thinking and thinking...over thinking? Possibly, but its something I need to do to prepare for 2012.  2011 was a pretty profound year...learned more then I wanted to about myself.  Learned even more about others...there were many disappointments once again but much more happiness then ever before.

I wish when I say it was a profound year it was all positive...all the things that "came to light" weren't good things.  In fact...it almost seems like when I set out to do a good thing, whether it was for myself or someone else, it sort of back fired on me.  Maybe 2011 was a year of "testing".  I hope I passed...I'm still standing and I haven't quit yet...well not completely...just kind of stalled for a little while. So,  I'm taking all my negatives from 2011, evaluating them and turning them around for 2012.

So for 2012 what will I need to change...hmmm...well for one I need to start believing in myself...and not put all of my belief in someone else.  It such a false sense of security to completely believe in and trust someone.  This almost sounds like I regressed or I'm bitter...I don't think so...I think I just re-learned a tough lesson.  Sadly enough, I'm sure I'm not the only one who has felt this way, re-evaluated things and learned to trust and believe again, then realized doing so was a foolish thing to do. 

If there was one lesson I learned from others it was this:

“Using friendship for opportunity, instead of embracing the opportunity in friendship, only hurts the person who thought they found a true friend.” ~Yours truly

It's been a great week...lots of fun things, new things.  I kind of like being a stay at home mom.  I think this is something I could get used to. 

I took the boys to see the new Muppet Movie today; I just love the sound of their laughter.  It is so sweet.  The movie was good...it made me cry...who would have thought? And they absolutely loved it.  Before the movie we went to McDonald's; my mom sent them each a gift card so I thought it would be fun to let them order and pay for their own food...and boy was it fun.  Justin was the cutest, he went up and ordered just like this:  "Hello ma'am, I would like and ADULT chicken nugget, and an ADULT french fry, and an ADULT drink."  She just smiled and said, "so would you like meal #10?"  That child said everything he needed to say to ensure he did not get a kids meal haha.

After the movie we headed home so the boys could do some school work and so I could go for a long walk.  I didn't go to the gym today so I did my sprawls in the morning and walked later on in the afternoon.  When we did sprawls and walked back to back yesterday, it just about did me in...it was too much at once.  I was hurting again today but it wasn't as bad.  I spent a good amount of time rolling around and stretching out my muscles. 

I'm really looking forward to the New Year; I'm especially excited about our wellness program at work.  Just sent out a couple of emails and I'm anxious to see who is definitely participating...should be lots of fun.I'm hoping, now that it is more diverse, we will have more people participating.  There seems to be so many great things ahead of me. I'm praying I will stay focused and not be distracted by others. 

I needed to give myself a pep talk today...It worked.

Hurting quite a bit today...I went to the chiropractor first thing this morning.  He told me I was "all twisted up".  The hip flexers on my right side were a mess.  The left side was good AND he was very happy with how much my hips loosened up, but those damn hip flexers are causing all kinds of grief.  As he was working on my back I could feel the pulling in the front area right above my thigh.  It hurt so much but I could feel the relief.  He's happy with my progress, he tells me to keep doing what I'm doing.  Even though I'm hurting he's not restricting me he just wants me to do what I can...which I appreciate.  The last thing I want him to tell me is to not do something. 

I'm still adjusting to the way I feel before, during, and after working out.  Most days when I am uncomfortable I work out  then feel much better.  Some days it just doesn't work out that way for whatever reason.  Today, with my friend Jennifer, I did 168 sprawls then walked 3 miles.  It was really tough...we had to stop walking at one point and alls I felt was this annoying tingling sensation from my hips to my toes.  The area that is the worst is the knee of my right leg.  It's always tingly; I just have to make sure I am aware of what I'm doing and how much pressure I put on it so I don't hurt it.

I have been disgusted for months over the fact that I was doing so well and now I'm struggling.  On the flip side of that...I'm grateful that, although the pain can be bad, it does get better.  It never goes away, but I do believe I can manage it.  If I had to live the rest of my life this way, I will be fine...there's nothing I can't do or prepare myself for within time. I believe that with eating right, exercising with good form, and having a positive attitude I will push through the tougher times and not allow the pain to stop me.  It may slow me down at times...and if it does, I will just have to push even harder.

Christmas has come and gone…New Years is right around the corner.  Amazing how quickly time flies.

We truly had a wonderful Christmas; the boys had so much fun, they said it was the best Christmas ever!  Nothing warms a parent’s heart more especially when you feel like you really had to cut back quite a bit financially. They have been playing so nicely together for the last 2 days; nothing warms my heart more.  They even joined forces today and combined gift cards they received so they could go to GameStop and buy the games they wanted.

Justin, my 9-year old was upset with me earlier; was so upset with me earlier.  We bought a chicken to bake for him for Christmas dinner since he doesn’t like any kind of beef (weird little boy).  Because of time needed to cook everything else, we decided to cook the chicken today.  I fell asleep for almost 3 hours and didn’t have time to make it.  Boy did I hear it!  I broke a Christmas promise L  I felt terrible but I explained that if I cooked to now it wouldn’t be ready until 10PM.  So we made him something else.  While I’m sitting in the kitchen, Nick, my 12-year old is telling Justin that he needs to apologize to me for being rude and not understanding.  It was so sweet to hear and kind of funny to hear Nick lecturing him.  Well, low and behold, before I knew it Justin walks in the kitchen to apologize.  I was thrown haha.  It was real cute…needless to say as he’s walking out of the kitchen he added, “Nick told me if I didn’t apologize he was taking our new video game back to the store.”  What a bubble burster haha.

I did the unthinkable today; I went to the gym.  I hate the gym, never liked it, I get serious anxiety just thinking about it.  My friend Traci got me a 3 day pass so I could work out with this great group of ladies while I’m off this week.  It wasn’t so bad, walking into the gym.  I met some nice people, ran into some friends and chatted for a while.  I lived to tell about it.  The workout was a good one.  I did half of it before I stopped; I’m really in a lot of pain lately.  I called my chiropractor right after I left the gym; I have an appointment tomorrow at 820AM.

The workout today was 100 jump ropes, 90 squats, 80 of something else, 70 of another exercise, 60 lunges, 50 thrusters (but I did deadlifts), 40 sit-ups, 30 kettlebell swings, 20 of another and 10 handstand pushups…which I, of course, did a modified version.  Once we were done, we had to go back up from 10 to 100.  I finished the first half so I was satisfied.  Usually after a workout I feel better, everything loosens up.  Since I was still hurting I did stretching while I was waiting for the others to complete their workout.  I did the tough stretches on the wall, the ones I try to avoid because they are so painful but they help so much and helped it did.  Unfortunately, everything eventually tightens up again but it’s not as bad.  It seems that when my back is this bad everything else hurts as well.  Not sure why but my elbows stiffened up and were hurting overnight and while I was napping earlier; I can’t imagine it has anything to do with my back, maybe it’s the MS or arthritis...oh the joys of getting old.  I can’t wait to get all this testing done so I can get back on a supplement regimen.  It was recommended I stop taking any supplements until all the test results are in.  That meant no fish oil…and I feel the difference without it. 

I think all the burpees I’ve been doing have irritated my back. I really need to be careful with my pushups; I do this snaking motion and I think irritating my back also.  I’ve been working on my core with planks so hopefully it will strengthen quickly so I can get back to where I was and these types of exercises won’t hurt as much.  As crazy as it sounds, I was excited to start doing burpees again; I don’t want to have to stop again.  I’m hoping the chiropractor will say things loosened up from last visit.  He said I was so jammed up last week.

It looks like there will be lots of changes in the New Year for me…I must admit, I am looking forward to it.  I’m a bit tired of a few things and the cycles things seem to get caught up in.  I’m excited to give another attempt to obtain 2 certifications I didn’t follow through on.  2012 is going to be a year of accomplishments for me.  I have lots to focus and work on.  My goal is not to let myself down in the New Year…and not worry about letting anyone else down.

Merry Christmas To All and To All a Great Life!

It’s Christmas Eve, such a peaceful night.  Everything is done; Joe and Justin are sound asleep; I have Nick lying beside me trying to figure out why he can’t fall asleep. He’s telling me he knows there’s no such thing as Santa, I ask why and he just smiles and explains himself in his newly deepened voice that cracks and has a randomly high pitched word here and there.

For the last few years we have done a Secret Santa within our family.  After we put up our Christmas tree we all draw names and by something special for that person.  I love doing this with my boys; it’s so much fun and so special for the 5 of us.  It’s so sweet to see how much thought the boys put into each other’s gift and how excited they get when they open their gifts.  Nothing makes me smile more than to see them hugging and thanking each other.  I pray moments like these last forever.  I hope they remain as close as they are now. 

The teenage years are approaching and they scare me; hormones are already starting to rage and I see the changes in them.  I pray they will never fight, especially physically.  I would get so scared when my brothers fought, it was crazy.  And to see my dad get involved broke my heart.  TJ told me there will come a time when he will have to fight them…I can’t see that happening.  Now I could see me kick’n TJ’s ass, but I can’t see TJ fighting with any of our boys.

It is this time of year that I miss my family most.  Nothing made me smile more when I was younger then when my mom would pull out the Christmas decorations so we could decorate.  I loved it more when she asked me to help her wrap gifts.  Christmas was always so magical for me.  Nothing was harder though then when we buried my grandfather on Christmas Eve.  I remember leaving the burial site in my sisters brown Pinto station wagon, as we drove away; they were putting my grandfather in his grave and throwing the dirt over him.   It broke my heart…it was so hard to watch; I cried so much.  Although it was hard for me, I love that I think of my grandfather without fail every Christmas Eve.  I dismiss the burial and think about how sweet and caring he was.

Every Christmas Eve my mom would make a HUGE fish dinner.  We usually had shrimp scampi, scallops, spaghetti with clam sauce, stuffed calamari, cold seafood salad, and clam dip…and whatever else I missed. It was amazing!  This was one of my favorite traditions.  After dinner came dessert then clean up then open the presents.  There were always wall to wall gifts for everyone!  When we were younger, Santa would always make an appearance at the house…what fun that was!  I hope I can make Christmas as special for my boys, as my parents did for me, so they will cherish those memories like I do forever.

We had a nice evening tonight.  We relaxed all day, showered and headed to church.  We were invited by a special lady to her church for Christmas Eve Service.  It was a performance that had a great message; the boys loved it. After that we headed home, fed the boys, exchanged our secret Santa gifts, had dessert and sent them off to bed.  TJ and I got everything ready for Santa and now here we are…with our 12 year old who can’t sleep J

I love this time of year, I love its meaning, I love my family and friends…I love my life!   I am so thankful to God for blessing me with so much.

Out of Whack? Who Me?

I was pretty blown away today; I knew things were out of whack with me but I never realized how much.  The doctor received most of my tests back…my hormones are totally off.  I’m actually feeling a little relieved.  The doctor told me the things I should be experiencing with my hormones at these levels; he was dead on.  From not sleeping, depression, mood swings, poor memory, etc.  My Cortisol level looks like a rollercoaster on the graph he gave me.  The scariest thing he told me is that I am high risk for dementia and Alzheimer’s.   Tj told me if that happened he would have to do a “ring and run”.  He would leave me on, Traci’s porch, ring the doorbell, and take off running…thanks babe J.  We had a good laugh over that.

It’s all so overwhelming and a bit difficult to understand but the fix doesn’t sound difficult; it’s all diet and supplements.  Looks like the diet will be strict and a bit restrictive until we get the results of the food allergy test, and the supplements may be heavy at first but will dwindle down once my levels get to where they need to be then I will need to take just the right amount to maintain my levels.  Looks like a have a ways to go, but I will get there.

Based on the results, it looks like I have gut issues.  For one, it appears that I am not producing enough stomach acid body is not breaking foods down properly; my protein levels where pretty low.  So the next step is to test for “critters” as he put it; parasites and bacteria.  Sounds lovely, doesn’t it?

Looks like I have lots of reading and planning to do.  The great thing is, the recommended diet is what I’ve been taught, it’s what I’ve been doing and what works best for me…which is what I expected.  What I wasn’t sure of is the supplement regimen I will need to be on and I will soon find out what foods I am allergic to so I can stay away from them. 

I’m excited about getting started; I can’t wait to feel “normal”.  I don’t want to be depressed, over emotional, or insecure any more.  I want to live a balanced, happy, fulfilling life…I believe my hormones were pretty well balanced during the 11 weeks I was training for the half marathon.  I felt and saw so many positive things in myself.  I felt good, I even thought I looked good (better than I did), my moods  and emotions were at such an even keel, my relationships with others was better…I can’t wait to like myself again.