Looking Forward to Chapter 4...

I was talking to a friend today, we were sharing how, even at our age, life is still teaching us some very tough lessons.  Too often there are others who have their own agenda and they are more then willing to be deceptive and take advantage of those who trust and believe in them.  It doesn't seem to matter how many are saddened or disappointed by events that take place, they are satisfied as long as they accomplish what they set out to do.

She told me about a poem so I googled it, read it and was able to easily relate to it....

There Is a Hole in My Sidewalk
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
By Portia Nelson

Chapter One

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep whole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit…but,
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately,

Chapter Four

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five

I walk down another street

This last experience closed at Chapter 3.  Almost a week later I was able to connect all the dots and come to a conclusion that others were able to come to before me.    With that, I see the mistakes I made and recognized how I was mislead.  Now knowing where my faults are in all this, I "get out", I let go so I don't cause any more pain, I accept my loss, and place all of this in God's hands with intentions to move on with peace of mind.

"All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing."

When evil prevails there will be sadness, disappointment and confusion.  With time and patience the smoke will slowly begin to clear and glimpses of hope will appear to reassure us that eventually things will be fine.

Birthdays always put a smile on my face...whether it's mine or someone else's.  It's the people you surround yourself with that make you feel so special on that day.My day started off with and ended with my boys...what could be any better than that?

Nick had tech group first thing this morning.  TJ and I dropped him off then did some food shopping and hit up Goodwill for some accessories for Joe's costume for his next performance.  We got home and I made red velvet pancakes for Joe and Justin and a bacon grilled cheese for TJ.  I did some cleaning then friends of ours stopped over to drop something off.  We talked and laughed, and laughed, for a little while...that time went too quick...then they left.We ran out the door to head to Summerville for Joe and Justin;s "graduation" from the Kidfit program...what fun!  I am so proud of them for participating and even more proud that they signed up for another session.  I walked into the room of people singing happy birthday to me and I was given chocolate covered strawberries.  What a great surprise...thanks Nicole!  They were yummy!  After the kids worked out we headed our with the group to get frozen yogurt and spend time with some great new friends.

Pretty good side plank Justin!  I'm so proud of you! 

When we got home I opened the mail to find an invitation to some facial plastic surgery place.  Wow...I had to laugh.  Of all things to come in the mail on my birthday.  Tj then sat me down on the couch and put on a Matchbox Twenty concert for me that he DVR'd.  He tried so hard to figure how we could go to the actual concert but there was no way around it. After that we had a nice dinner and a bright cake made by all my boys, and we are now relaxing and just watching TV.

That cake does say "Happy Bday Mom"  It was Joe's first time piping haha

I am amazed at all the birthday wishes received on Facebook and by phone, text and email.  I have undoubtedly been blessed by an Amazing God with the most amazing people he's ever created.

Peace...

There was much peace in my day and mind today.  Although yesterday was a tough day, by the time we got home late last night things were much better.  Yes, I did have 2 drinks that relaxed me and pushed tension out of the way.

I slept GREAT last night for the first time in a long time.  I got 8 hours of solid sleep...exactly what I needed.  I got out of bed, made breakfast for my little guys while my husband slept in; once he woke up we went to the automotive store so they could hook up my car and get the codes to determine why the engine light is on.  It does need some work but nothing is needed immediately and it shouldn't be too expensive...thank you God! 

A friend of mine and I then headed to the hospital to visit our neighbor.  We had such a nice visit; we were there for a few hours engaged in great conversation.  After that we grabbed something quick to eat then headed home.

It was really a great Sunday..I'm looking forward to a good, positive and peaceful week.

In Search of...Strength...from God

I have been working hard had staying focused mentally and emotionally.  Much has been going on but all should be settled shortly.  I'm proud of myself for holding me together.  I did break done earlier in the car with my husband.  We have an event to go to later on; I told him I had no idea what I was going to wear.  I told him I can always go into the side of my closet where I saved my "fat" clothes, with that tears started to pour down my face.  Later on I was outside talking to a friend and the damn tears started again when we started talking about dieting and working out.  I am at the point I swore I would never be at again. 

With this, my car has been acting up, my check engine light went on then started flashing.  We are so low on money right now that I wouldn't even know what to do if there is a serious problem. I can't even think straight enough to know what I'm going to do with my car.  We checked fluids, filled everything up, and will check it in the morning. Things seem to be breaking, everything, even the dogs bowl broke today haha.

With all this going in and more, we groomed the dogs today.  The littlest one was in the sink getting a bath, the medium dog was getting shaved by my husband, and the big one got a good trimming.  Tomorrow I'm thinking baths for the medium and big one then we should be good.

I just need to hang in there...stay strong, keep praying and everything will fall into place. 

What a great day to spend some time with one of my boys.  It was early dismissal from school our oldest didn't have a ride home from the school bus so I took a late lunch and went to pick him up.  He came back to work with me and quietly worked on a project.  We had a deal, he had to get that done in order to attend Science Technology night at his school.  It started at 530 so we went back to his school right from work.  It was great...hi school does  things so well.  He had a blast visiting the classrooms, playing games, and trying out all different things.  It's also great to see how well he interacts with his peers and teachers.  Yes, he is goofy, but that's part of being a 13 year old.  He's so funny.

I was hoping to make it back to attend Bible study but we were so engrossed in the festivities.  I hate to break him away from anything that he is truly enjoying that has to do with school.  But I did miss those girls tonight.  They are a great spiritual fix that I can always use.

There has been a lot of pain for me today. I really had a lot of trouble with stiffness.  I know it's from working out but I don't know why it was so bad today.  I'm hoping that an increase in fish oil and water will help that.

Well I am tired after a long, productive day.  Time to relax, watch Duck Dynasty then hit the hay.

Ass Burger...Huh?

Well I never thought the day we told our son he had Asperger's that it would turn into a giggle session.  We finally had the conversation that I dreaded and clearly it was for no reason.  We did it simply because we had a meeting at school with school administration including the school psychologist.  It was recommended we tell him so we did.

What made it so funny...we had to clarify that we said Asperger's not "ass burger".  The laughs just got worse after that.  God was definitely with us last night keeping the conversation light.  I'm happy to check that off my To Do List; now we can move forward.

Our meeting went well.  It makes me so proud to hear how sweet, well mannered, kind, and funny our boys are.  It's such a great feeling of accomplishment.  Nick's teachers had great things to say about him.  He has such a great relationship with them and is very comfortable. Now if only he would do his homework consistently he would more than likely be an A,B student.  That's our goal to achieve; it may be tough but it is a realistic goal.  We left the meeting feeling good and very optimistic about our sons future.

Today was an okay feeling day for me.  Still lots on my mind, still searching for answers, still stuck, but not giving up.  I'm looking forward to seeing what tomorrow brings my way...I'm praying it's all good, peaceful stuff.

There has been much on my mind this weekend...so much so that I even dreamed about what I am most concerned and perplexed about.  Even the dream was confusing.  There are no clear answers to this. I can only wait to see what time brings. There is an end in sight...although I am not sure when, how, or why I know it will be here sooner than later.

I am so thankful to God that my father is doing well after a car accident he was in.  They are concerned that he didn't remember anything so he will need to see a neurologist in the upcoming weeks.  He is a very very lucky man to have not been seriously injured.  God has surely been watchingg over him.

I am most thankful for my husband this weekend. We were able to accomplish so much this weekend mostly because of him. Thank you TJ!!

We have a meeting at school for our oldest to plan for high school...what a bittersweet meeting that will be.  I'm excited yet nervous.  I can't wait to hear what opportunities he will have.

I'm so excited for so many in my life.  One is my cousin who has a beautiful child with Anglemans syndrome.  They had a successful fndraiser for her this weekend!  Please keep this sweet little girl in your prayers.  I have a friend who will be going in to the hospital  to have her baby this week.  Such a blessing after a tough but successful pregnancy!  There are wonderful things going on all around me...it is such a pleasure to watch and to even be a part of some of it. 

We are all faced with so many challenges that can bring us down yet make us stronger but there is always so much more good; more than we may ever see.

Self Destruction...

due to loyalty. Probably the most profound thing I read this week. Now how do you stop it?