Its been a while, life has been busy and it seems to be continuously changing while other things are being delayed or put on hold.

An amazing thing did happen yesterday.  After a month of waiting for MRI results, to determine if my MS has progressed, I heard from my Neurologist. He told me what I prayed to hear.  There has been no progression; there has been no change in my brain MRIs; no other lesion appeared.  When I had my visit with him 4 weeks ago he was very pleased and seemed surprised at how well I was doing.

He explained to me that only 5% of MS patients who do not medicate do not have progression.  He told me if my MRI came back unchanged I would be classified in that 5%.  Not bad, huh?  Now I can say I am in the top 5% of my class haha.

Injecting myself with chemicals every other day, when I wasn't even convinced I had MS made my stomach turn and my anxiety flair up.  I added to my anxiety wondering if not medicating was the right thing to do.  The MRI results confirmed that the right decision was made.  I needed that...I feel as though a huge burden was lifted.  I've been putting myself through a minor hell since I was diagnosed; I made a bad situation worse...when life gives me lemons,,,really big lemons I fall apart.  Now if someone else had the same lemons, I would be able to help them and pull them out of their "funk".  I'm not sure why that's something I cant do for myself.  Anyway. that is behind me now.  I have a follow up in April of next year and if I'm not mistaken i will not need another MRI for 18 months.

My boss and I had a great conversation when I sat with her to share my MRI results.  She gave me that gentle "slap back into reality" that I needed.  We talked about my weight gain, emotional eating, and all that fun stuff.  It was a good, encouraging conversation that left me believing in myself again.  With that said, I have a good feeling that I can pull myself together and get back on track with my fitness.  Lots of things are going through my mind and I'm looking at a couple of different options that may work for me.

One thing I know I have to work on, immediately, is my self worth.  I need to get that back.  I have allowed  people to yank it away from me before and I was able to get it back.  My prayer is that I will get it back sooner, much sooner and move forward.  Part 2 of that prayer is to be strong enough to not allow anyone else to make me feel that way again.  Although I doubt myself  at times, I tell myself over and over that just because someone else views me as being worthless doesn't mean I have to view myself this way AND it certainly doesn't mean others view me this way. 

Here we go again...the story of my life.  I put on a lot of weight that needs to come off.  My endurance went out the window and my confidence followed.  I wish I could just start all over again...wipe that slate clean and just go forward.