Today, in my mind, was a pretty big day for me...I made a commitment for myself, to myself. It's back to food logs, measurements, and weigh ins. I am starting over!
I faced the scale today. That miserable damn scale...it hates me and quite frankly, I don't like it either. I don't plan to frequent it much, only as needed and its not like I have to look at it, I have someone to jot down those depressingly high numbers that will aggressively drop.
The toughest part of today was seeing, saying, and finally accepting the amount of weight I gained. There are too many things I wish I could change but I know I can't. My biggest regret is I see how much my detachment from this whole fitness thing has affected my family. My family's load widened this past year and its time for them to "narrow" along with me.
We have lots of work to do, starting over seems to be even more tough then the initial start. However, I do believe I have what I need, I learned lots last time around and I will learn more this time around. I believe this is going to workout well for me. I'm excited and feeling pretty determined!
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
What's on Tap for 2013?
Hmmmm....I have been thinking about lots of things. I'm praying I will make 2013 a much better year then the end of 2011 and 2012. I look back at the challenges experienced and I realize how much control I really did have over those situations and how my "over" reactions and negative perspective affected things.
With a New Year sitting right before me I have lots of good things planned this year. One of the things I am most excited about is my certification. I have a new set of books, a knowledgeable instructor, and determination to move forward with a plan and obtain that goal.
I'm not sure what is was that happened last week, but something motivated me to get back to taking good care of myself and work on my eating and maintain consistency with my workouts. I'm excited about the new program we are implementing at work for 2013. I think that's playing a part in my attitude change. We have a few things to sort out but I feel confident that we will have things ready to roll by the 2nd or 3rd week of January. In that program I will have what I need to be consistent with my workouts. So what about my eating...hmmm...well that is my biggest challenge and has been for quite a while now. There were a couple of different factors that played a big part in during my weight loss days; one was support from others. I've been at a loss as to how to build up that support again. I know that once I get going and start losing it will happen automatically. People seem to notice the physical difference in me and comment which gives my confidence a boost.
My challenge is gaining support prior to that point...that is what I can't seem to do for myself. I do believe the solution is right in front of me...and it seems simple but something is holding me back. I am actively being pursued by someone who wants to work with me and who I am interested in working with. Flattering? Absolutely. It's exciting to me to see someone with tons of passion who just wants to guide someone so they can reach their goals.
We have set up a couple of appointments but life seems to be getting in the way and we had to reschedule a few times. I seem to be procrastinating and I'm not sure why; it's something I've been praying about and I'm hoping I will soon realize what it is I need to do. I think the main thing that is holding me back is that I have the knowledge needed to succeed from losing weight before. I know what I have to do, I don't need to be taught anything. I just need to get more motivation, confidence, and all those fun things I should be able to find from within but can't seem to just yet. Something is telling me that I need to give things a good month or and I will have all that I need within myself.to be successful again.
I'm excited about this new beginning.There is much to look forward to, to learn, and to accomplish. I'm praying for a wonderful, prosperous, and healthy new year for myself, my family, and my friends. I'm ready for it all to begin!
With a New Year sitting right before me I have lots of good things planned this year. One of the things I am most excited about is my certification. I have a new set of books, a knowledgeable instructor, and determination to move forward with a plan and obtain that goal.
I'm not sure what is was that happened last week, but something motivated me to get back to taking good care of myself and work on my eating and maintain consistency with my workouts. I'm excited about the new program we are implementing at work for 2013. I think that's playing a part in my attitude change. We have a few things to sort out but I feel confident that we will have things ready to roll by the 2nd or 3rd week of January. In that program I will have what I need to be consistent with my workouts. So what about my eating...hmmm...well that is my biggest challenge and has been for quite a while now. There were a couple of different factors that played a big part in during my weight loss days; one was support from others. I've been at a loss as to how to build up that support again. I know that once I get going and start losing it will happen automatically. People seem to notice the physical difference in me and comment which gives my confidence a boost.
My challenge is gaining support prior to that point...that is what I can't seem to do for myself. I do believe the solution is right in front of me...and it seems simple but something is holding me back. I am actively being pursued by someone who wants to work with me and who I am interested in working with. Flattering? Absolutely. It's exciting to me to see someone with tons of passion who just wants to guide someone so they can reach their goals.
We have set up a couple of appointments but life seems to be getting in the way and we had to reschedule a few times. I seem to be procrastinating and I'm not sure why; it's something I've been praying about and I'm hoping I will soon realize what it is I need to do. I think the main thing that is holding me back is that I have the knowledge needed to succeed from losing weight before. I know what I have to do, I don't need to be taught anything. I just need to get more motivation, confidence, and all those fun things I should be able to find from within but can't seem to just yet. Something is telling me that I need to give things a good month or and I will have all that I need within myself.to be successful again.
I'm excited about this new beginning.There is much to look forward to, to learn, and to accomplish. I'm praying for a wonderful, prosperous, and healthy new year for myself, my family, and my friends. I'm ready for it all to begin!
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Another Half Marathon in the books...
We had a few runners with us...Susan, who has been in our wellness program at work, since the beginning; she's had an amazing year. To top it all off, she was expecting to walk the entire 13.1 miles INSTEAD she ran the first 10 miles and walked the rest! Wow, absolutely amazing!
Then there is Maritza who stood at the start line with her coat and backpack on saying that she was going to walk; she didn't think she could run it. I demanded she give me her coat and backpack and get up there next to my friend Wendy and just take off with her. Well that's what she did and she ran straight through and finished in 2 hrs and 25 minutes.
Wendy did pretty awesome as well! She ran across the finish line right into her new husband and kids in just over 2 hrs and 46 minutes.
I am sure that if you asked any one of these ladies if they would do it again they would say no....this week. Ask next week and see what they say.
After it was all over everyone was wearing their pretty blue glass medals proudly! We didn't get a picture at the end because all phones died haha...that's how long it was, but thats ok. It was perfect, absolutely perfect and I feel so blessed that I was able to share a first half marathon experience with these awesome ladies!
Great Job Ladies!
I am so excited for you all!
Your hard work paid off!
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Its been a while, life has been busy and it seems to be continuously changing while other things are being delayed or put on hold.
An amazing thing did happen yesterday. After a month of waiting for MRI results, to determine if my MS has progressed, I heard from my Neurologist. He told me what I prayed to hear. There has been no progression; there has been no change in my brain MRIs; no other lesion appeared. When I had my visit with him 4 weeks ago he was very pleased and seemed surprised at how well I was doing.
He explained to me that only 5% of MS patients who do not medicate do not have progression. He told me if my MRI came back unchanged I would be classified in that 5%. Not bad, huh? Now I can say I am in the top 5% of my class haha.
Injecting myself with chemicals every other day, when I wasn't even convinced I had MS made my stomach turn and my anxiety flair up. I added to my anxiety wondering if not medicating was the right thing to do. The MRI results confirmed that the right decision was made. I needed that...I feel as though a huge burden was lifted. I've been putting myself through a minor hell since I was diagnosed; I made a bad situation worse...when life gives me lemons,,,really big lemons I fall apart. Now if someone else had the same lemons, I would be able to help them and pull them out of their "funk". I'm not sure why that's something I cant do for myself. Anyway. that is behind me now. I have a follow up in April of next year and if I'm not mistaken i will not need another MRI for 18 months.
My boss and I had a great conversation when I sat with her to share my MRI results. She gave me that gentle "slap back into reality" that I needed. We talked about my weight gain, emotional eating, and all that fun stuff. It was a good, encouraging conversation that left me believing in myself again. With that said, I have a good feeling that I can pull myself together and get back on track with my fitness. Lots of things are going through my mind and I'm looking at a couple of different options that may work for me.
One thing I know I have to work on, immediately, is my self worth. I need to get that back. I have allowed people to yank it away from me before and I was able to get it back. My prayer is that I will get it back sooner, much sooner and move forward. Part 2 of that prayer is to be strong enough to not allow anyone else to make me feel that way again. Although I doubt myself at times, I tell myself over and over that just because someone else views me as being worthless doesn't mean I have to view myself this way AND it certainly doesn't mean others view me this way.
Here we go again...the story of my life. I put on a lot of weight that needs to come off. My endurance went out the window and my confidence followed. I wish I could just start all over again...wipe that slate clean and just go forward.
An amazing thing did happen yesterday. After a month of waiting for MRI results, to determine if my MS has progressed, I heard from my Neurologist. He told me what I prayed to hear. There has been no progression; there has been no change in my brain MRIs; no other lesion appeared. When I had my visit with him 4 weeks ago he was very pleased and seemed surprised at how well I was doing.
He explained to me that only 5% of MS patients who do not medicate do not have progression. He told me if my MRI came back unchanged I would be classified in that 5%. Not bad, huh? Now I can say I am in the top 5% of my class haha.
Injecting myself with chemicals every other day, when I wasn't even convinced I had MS made my stomach turn and my anxiety flair up. I added to my anxiety wondering if not medicating was the right thing to do. The MRI results confirmed that the right decision was made. I needed that...I feel as though a huge burden was lifted. I've been putting myself through a minor hell since I was diagnosed; I made a bad situation worse...when life gives me lemons,,,really big lemons I fall apart. Now if someone else had the same lemons, I would be able to help them and pull them out of their "funk". I'm not sure why that's something I cant do for myself. Anyway. that is behind me now. I have a follow up in April of next year and if I'm not mistaken i will not need another MRI for 18 months.
My boss and I had a great conversation when I sat with her to share my MRI results. She gave me that gentle "slap back into reality" that I needed. We talked about my weight gain, emotional eating, and all that fun stuff. It was a good, encouraging conversation that left me believing in myself again. With that said, I have a good feeling that I can pull myself together and get back on track with my fitness. Lots of things are going through my mind and I'm looking at a couple of different options that may work for me.
One thing I know I have to work on, immediately, is my self worth. I need to get that back. I have allowed people to yank it away from me before and I was able to get it back. My prayer is that I will get it back sooner, much sooner and move forward. Part 2 of that prayer is to be strong enough to not allow anyone else to make me feel that way again. Although I doubt myself at times, I tell myself over and over that just because someone else views me as being worthless doesn't mean I have to view myself this way AND it certainly doesn't mean others view me this way.
Here we go again...the story of my life. I put on a lot of weight that needs to come off. My endurance went out the window and my confidence followed. I wish I could just start all over again...wipe that slate clean and just go forward.
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