Did you ever have a couple of days where you really like yourself?  Where you feel confident ant in control of yourself and your emotions?  I do, it has happened but for the last half of 2011 that barely happened.  In fact, it’s happened more in the month of January then in the last 6 months of last year.

It feels good to be back in this place…this is my happy place.  Having peace of mind allows me to be the person I want to be.  Peace of mind is always there when I am eating and working out the way I should be.  Everything balances out, things are easier to understand, comprehend, and accept.

I went to see my functional neurologist for my supplements and final test results.  We were waiting for allergy testing…WOW…I am not thrilled with the results.  I am sort of at a loss but not going to panic.  I need to make some serious changes.  The other test results revealed that there is an icky parasite hanging out in my gut...lovely, right?  So now we need to work on killing that guy off.  Nothing major just need to change food up, plan, and prep.

I’m looking forward to sorting through all this so I can keep moving forward.  I need to stay focused and not lose sight of my goals and remain in control of my emotions.

The most exciting thing about my day today…my running and the feedback I received from my trainer about it. J…Awesome feeling simply because I feel like I am almost back to where I was over the summer…Thank YOU God!

Today was sort of an odd day.  It started and ended with things I’ve never experienced before…

Brent recommended I try something new, new to me it’s been around for 50 years, called Rolfing.  I never heard of it so I googled it and thought I would give it a shot.  Well, I had my first appointment today and it was great…it was the most painful thing I’ve experienced since childbirth but I felt amazing afterwards.

What the heck is Rolfing you ask?  Here’s a link…

http://www.rolf.org/about

Once my session was complete I felt taller, I had no tension, and for the first time in months, there was practically no numbness or tingling in my leg.  Granted, it didn’t last long once he stopped but it has given me hope that this will make it much better.  He basically took his hands or elbows pressed almost all of his body weight on to them while pressing on certain areas of my body them dragging himself along.  The absolute worst part was my hips and IT band which was no surprise.  It was great to walk out of there and feel physically straight.  I don’t go back for 2 weeks; I’m looking forward to it.  I will need to go for 10 sessions to get the full benefits then go back every 3-6 months for maintenance.

The other really odd thing that I experienced today was being accused of being racists.  It totally threw me.  We were nearing the end of our workout and one of the ladies from the neighborhood walked over so I stopped what I was doing and walked towards her.  She started saying that I didn’t want black and white people to work out.  I asked her 3 times to repeat herself; I guess it just wasn’t sinking in.  She was upset, in tears.  I walked out into the street with her, just so we could move away from everyone else and I instantly went into HR mode.  I explained to her that wasn’t true, that I am not racists and that I would love for her to join us any time.  By the time we were done with our conversation she said that she could see she was wrong.  She seemed so sad, like there was so much more going on than thinking I was a racist.  I gave her a hug and told her that if she ever needed someone to talk to she is welcomed to come by.

Although this really upset me, I am feeling real good about the way I handled it.  I am feeling so much like my old self.  I’m not reacting in a negative way, although this was upsetting, I was able to keep my emotions in line.  It’s been a while since I’ve been able to do that; it’s something I’ve been working on and although I haven’t perfected it, I think this situation has proved to me that my hard, self-work is paying off.  I hate that I am such a slow work in progress, through no one’s fault but my own, but I love it when I notice such a positive change in myself J

Everything in between these two crazy things went well.  Got lots done today. Had a GREAT workout, and got a crazy awesome dose of “I’m a man now mom” from Nick.  We were calling him and calling him over and over, yelling and whistling (mainly because we are too darn lazy to walk up the stairs) He finally comes to the stairs and we said, “what are you doing?” and he responded with a big grin on his face, “I’m shaving” <sigh> We didn’t even have to remind him, he just did it J

Another great weekend is coming to an end.  Busy, busy, busy…but so much fun.  Friday and Saturday evenings were filled with great performances.  I was wowed once again by The Charleston Youth Company and the talent these kids have.  Form the acting, to the singing and dancing…I am beyond impressed...and beyond proud of my son Joe.

Joe has is such an amazing talent.  He loves to be up on that stage, he is in his element when he is.  I am so grateful to all of those who came to the performance and watch him.  We love that you support our children; we know how great it feels and how important it is to the kids, that’s why we do it for others as much as possible.  We truly appreciate all of you and we were thrilled that you all enjoyed it so much.

I was tired with all the running around and late nights this weekend.  My legs tired quickly with all the walking; they felt so heavy.  I’ve been experiencing lots of numbness this weekend; I’m hoping it subsides quickly.  A lot was off this weekend, eating, working out, rolling, and hanging.  That along with the tough workouts from last week has much to do with the way I feel.  I’m really looking forward to Monday and getting back into my routine J

The Thrill of Victory and the Agony of NOT Being Defeated.

It’s been days since I’ve experienced soreness from my workouts.  My guess is the steroids I was taking helped eliminated what I should have felt all week.  Honestly, I was beginning to worry; whenever my trainer asked if I was sore my answer was “no”.  Well, today the answer was much, much different.  It feels as though all the pain I didn’t feel for a while caught up with me.  Yesterday’s workouts were killers; it took everything I had not to quit in the middle of the workout last night.

I do 2 workouts on Wednesday; one in the afternoon for an hour then one at 530 for an hour.  Our trainer broke out the sandbags...YIKES!  He split us into team and we did a relay style workout.  The first station was 20 jumps, then sprint to the next station to do 20 squat presses then sprint to the next station to the sandbags where we had to scoop it up and go from ground to shoulder 20 times then sprint back to the start.  After that round we had to do it again starting with the sandbags.  Well, while I was headed for the dumbbells I see one of my teammates running towards me, and my thought was “hell no he’s not making us do this again, is he?”  Yes he was.  By the time I got back to the start I had to do my last round…I thought I would die.  Once that was done we did another relay running with the sandbags…I was exhausted by the time I was done but I finished.  After the workout we were walking and I asked Brent if would be doing the same workout tonight; he said it would be a little different or similar, something like that and he was being honest, HOWEVER, if there was ever a workout that I thought I would collapse, this was it.   I struggled so much with the sandbags, every time I lifted one up I would feel it in my back.  I tried to focus on keeping my core tight but for some reason I have trouble doing so.  I was frustrated beyond belief; I was ready to quit.  I fought that feeling…it was absolutely a battle for me.  This workout definitely got in my head.  When we did the relay with the sandbags I could barely hold myself up.  I was almost in tears.  I don’t remember the last time I had so much doubt about finishing a workout.

I refused to quit, there was no way I was going to give in after being out of commission for so long.  I needed to prove to myself that I could push through the pain, which I did.  I was hurting more than I ever did last night. I woke up this morning sore and tight; my knee hurt and so did my lower back.  Thankfully my lower back wasn’t as bad as I expected.  The numbness in my leg increased but has already gotten a bit better. 

This turned out to be a great experience for me, I really proved something to the one person who needed to know that she could fight and win.  Whether the pain and the numbness is there are not, I know I can overcome it.  I thought my fear of re-injury would stop me or slow me down, but it hasn’t. Last night was definitely a turning point for me.

The best part of all…I’ve been basking in the soreness of a butt kicking workout all day; with every second of soreness I was reminded that I defeated those 2 workouts, they didn’t defeat me.

Today was a day to deal with my MS.  I feel like I go weeks without dealing with it, but today I had to.  I needed to go to my neurologists office to sign a release or my medical records so I have them when I go for my second opinion.  While I was there, I completed the forms that need to be submitted to the drug company to get the ball rolling on the shot process.

I told my husband I feel like I am doing something against my better judgement, but I will not inject an ounce of anything into my body without that second opinion and, more importantly, without seeing how treatment with my functional neurologist goes.  So, I'm not exactly sure why I completed the forms, but I did...it's a last resort I guess.

Speaking of my functional neurologist...I just heard from him about 20 minutes ago.  We have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow afternoon at 3.  We are ready to move forward with an exam and supplements.  I'm real excited about this.  I've been feeling better just from cleaning up my eating; I cant wait to add the supplements and find out more about the treatment plan.  I have such a good feeling about this.

We had a great workout tonight...a bit different then what we normally do, I really liked it.  I haven't had my regular soreness after workouts.  I'm not sure if its because of the steroids or may be because I am using the foam roller/lacrosse ball.  I should be sore tomorrow...we'll see.

I'm feeling a little bit better about my earlier post, I think just getting it out helps me.  I need to seek understanding and continue to pray about this.

I Can't Not Care, No Matter How Hard I Try...Why Does It Seem As Though Others Can So Easily...Or Is That Just My Perspective That They Don't?

I've been witnessing lots of good things happening lately.  Seems as though so many of my prayers for others are being answered, friends are conquering challenges, I'm feeling better, and life is good all around me.  Yet I have this want to not care as much as I do for some people.  I am forcing myself to try not to care about or want to help the people I think I don't matter to...it's not working and I'm not so sure why I think I need to do this. 

It's not like an "X" boyfriend or girlfriend, someone who has physically hurt me or scorned me, someone who has stolen from me or anything like that.  I do know that I have my assumptions; have been lead by what many others have said in the past and what I have seen and felt; I feel as though what I refused to believe all along is now so visibly true.

Is that a reason to feel such resentment, anger, or hurt.  I feel confused and sad that I feel this way.  I'm praying that there will be a better understanding of these feelings so I can resolve them.  I don't want to feel this way, this is not the kind of person I want to be.

Today I may have met the sneakers of my dreams...

I want to sleep so, bad but I can’t.  These steroids are keeping me awake, putting me on edge, and making me cranky.  Yup cranky, I know most of you would find that hard to believe J  I am so happy tomorrow is the last day of taking them.  I wasn’t crazy about having to take them, but when the doctor told me it would help my back in the strengthening process I thought it was the best thing to do.  Yes, I am having some regrets right now, but hopefully it will be worth feeling this way.

I went on another hunt for running shoes today and may have found what I’m looking for.  This is my 4^th shot; the other 3 I purchased were returned after wearing them for an hour or less.  These shoes are even kind of cute to.   I had this great guy helping me in the store; he’s a marathoner.  He even helped me find running socks…I never even knew they existed.  When I explained my issues to him, he completely understood what I was talking about and he agreed with me when I told him what I needed and why I needed it.  He even seemed impressed that I knew what I was talking about (which I do, thanks to my trainer).  My new shoes should be in by the end of the months…here’s a picture.  They are  a very lite, minimal shoe; I'm hoping they will be the ones I've been looking for.  Aren’t they pretty J

The weekend has been going well; keeping it low key since next week will be so hectic.  Joe had rehearsal so we dropped him off then had breakfast.  Afterwards we took the boys for haircuts.  Did some shopping then headed home to relax.  Traci came over for dinner and a movie.  We watched The Hangover 2.  Pretty funny with a few scenes that shocked even me…WOW!  I think I’m becoming more and more conservative every day…well maybe not every day.

This week DRAGGED...and it was a short week.  Why does that happen?  So proud of all my boys, they did so well on their report cards.  Keep up the great work guys!

Justin had a good week.  He made the A/B Honor Roll, he decided he is ready to have his own room (he used to get very upset whenever we talked about splitting him and Joe up). he said he already knows his routines for his next belt in Karate, and he told us he wants his black belt and is making that his goal.  He is doing so well in so many ways. 

Joe has his winter performance next week we are all excited.  In one part of the performance they are doing something called "Sing A Song".  They will be singing and dancing to songs that were on Soul Train.  Joe will be Don Cornelius...it's going to be great.

Nick told me today he needs a haircut.  Oh to hear those words come out of his mouth.  He NEVER wants a haircut, today he does.  So jokingly I said, so do you want to get a haircut like Cray (whose hair is short) and he said yes...WHAT?  Really?  I made the fastest appointment ever.  I needed to do so before he changed his mind ha ha.

Diet and exercise have been going well.  Although I am beginning to tighten up, I didn't feel sore which is so odd at the end of the week.    i am just now beginning to experience some back pain and muscle soreness.  The doctor has me on steroids this week.  They've been making me feel jittery all day...cant wait to take that last one.

Otherwise, all is good!  So grateful to God for all my blessings!

The days seem to be getting better J  I was excited to wake up this morning feeling great and not having any kind of back pain; I was nervous that I might have some soreness from my run.  Eating was great again, and my workout was pretty great compared to the way they were.

I am so grateful to God for the healing!  I feel like I am getting a second shot at something; not sure what, it’s just one of those odd feelings.  Although I am not feeling 100%, I feel like I am well on my way to getting back to where I was prior to my back problems/MS.

I had the honor of sharing some of my weight loss journey with a small group this evening for one of the ladies I work with.  She has been on her own journey, which she shared this evening as well, and has had amazing results.  She does our boot camp at work.  It was a great experience; I just wish I could have organized my thoughts better, I felt like I was talking in circles.  After we did our part, our trainer, Brent, lectured on nutrition.

I wish all of you could hear what he has to say.  He has got it all figured out and wants to share it with as many people as possible.  The greatest thing about him is that he doesn’t hand you a piece of paper and say eat this and that.  He teaches you the different components needed to be successful with his program.  What I think separates him from the rest is that he explains in detail, he just doesn’t tell you to do something.  I am grateful I was asked to share what I could tonight…thank you Marlene!

Two of my 3 boys received their report cards today.  They did awesome!  I am so proud of both of them and congratulations to Justin for making the A/B Honor Roll!  Nick will be receiving his report card tomorrow.  Just love those boys to pieces

Up And Running Once Again...

Tonight was my first night back to running, well run/walk.  It was tough, the numbness in my leg worsened sooner than I expected, and it tired fairly quickly.  But, I didn’t give up; I didn’t fall short of how far we were running.  I became winded fairly quickly, which didn’t surprise me, the good thing about that, is I know that will improve with each run.  The best part was that I felt good about doing it; ya it wasn’t comfortable but I finished what we set out to do.  I’m excited that I started and I’m even more excited to be doing this with a couple for great supportive ladies.

When I came in from my run, TJ almost had dinner ready.  We sat down to eat and I could feel everything begin to tighten.  It actually made me nervous.  I headed upstairs after I cleaned up from dinner and grabbed the lacrosse ball and foam roller.  I spent close to 45 minutes rolling; from the top of my back down to my ankles then from my hip flexors down.  It felt great, I am so relaxed right now, and I could just fall asleep J

I was very excited to hear from the doctor I’ve been working with today.  We are ready to move forward and start with my supplements; I’m curious to see what we are starting with and how this entire process will work.  I’m hoping I can get in and see him this week.

My eating is still going well.  It’s such a great feeling to be able to say this again.  I feel good, I’m happy; things are becoming more balanced every day.  I’m excited about my workouts; my fear of rein jury is diminishing.  I hate that I’ve had so many setbacks during the past few years; I could have reached my goal a long time ago.  But it’s a huge accomplishment for me that I am still going.  I’ve been able to recover and move forward every time.  Sometimes the accomplishments for me aren’t always about what’s shown on the scale or how my clothes fit; it’s the fact that I can pick up the pieces and move forward…which is something I’ve always struggled with.

Where do I stand these days with my MS treatment?  Well, let’s see, as far as my regular neurologist, nowhere.  I am getting a second opinion.  I doubt something, not sure exactly what though.  I do not doubt that I have MS; I doubt his recommendation of treatment.  I also doubt, more than anything else, the numbness in my right leg being a symptom of the MS and not of the disk issue.  So, on March 8^th I will be seeing the MS specialist at MUSC to see what he has to say.

In the meantime, I am still working with a physician who practices functional neurology.  We are waiting for the results of the food allergy tests and parasite tests.  This past week I completed 3 different tests to determine the types of supplements we need to begin with.  I already started the diet, which was nothing new to me; it’s Paleo with a few food restrictions.  I’m hoping we have all the results back within the next 2 weeks so we can sort everything out and move forward.  I am very excited about working with him; I am learning more about lots of different things. 

I’ll be starting the steroids the back specialist gave me tomorrow.  The last time I took steroids my back improved so much.  I’m hoping I will do the same again this time around since I will be able to put more into strengthening my back.  For the next 2 weeks this is my priority…

I made a commitment to officially start the running plan on February 4^th.  I’m excited!  I’ve been feeling so good and I think with just a couple of more weeks of doing what I’m doing I should be in good shape…well my back should be anyway, I still have a ways to go.  I’m going to start with a 5K and hopefully be able to do the Cooper River Bridge Run, which is a 10K, by the end of March.  I’ve done the bridge run several times but never ran it.  Not sure if I’ll have enough training time to continuously run a 10K but I’ll give it my best shot.

I was looking back at my blog post from New Year’s Eve…YIKES!  It sounded so harsh; way too much profanity.  The profanity was intentional to make a point to the younger people who read my blog.  This is how they talk for the most part…that’s how I talked when I was much much younger.  I’m hoping they got the point and learned something from someone else’s bad experience, mistakes, and poor judgment so they won’t have to learn for themselves.  I hope I didn’t offend anyone, if I did, I promise that wasn’t my intention.

We had a nice day today; the morning thru midafternoon was busy.  We were out and about then came home to relax.  We are all pooped.  I’m missing my boys who are not here with me tonight.  I hate when I can’t see them; they have been on my mind all day.  We saw one of them this morning but that was only for a short while.  I’m looking forward to seeing them all very soon.

Looking forward to relaxing the rest of the weekend; hmmmm I’m thinking I may need to start running to train for the start of my running plan haha.  My running is a MESS!

Ready!

I am ready for this weekend; it has been a long but good week.  However, I am sitting here in bed having an anxiety attack.  Why?  I can only bring it back to one thing...and it's all going to be okay.  I think I worked so hard at trying to maintain my emotions that when I heard the good news, emotions started spilling out...and they still are.  So thankful to God for answering this, and many other, prayers.

We dropped the boys off this evening at a beautiful camp on the beach for a weekend retreat.  They were so excited and I am so excited that they are excited haha.  I've heard some great things so I'm sure they will have a blast. 

Feeling great once again today, Thank you God!  We had our second Yoga class today and I do believe it may just be working  for me.  By the end of the week I am so tight and sore; yoga has been so relaxing.  By the end of the class I am ready to sleep.  My back has doing great this week, even after burpees (YAY!) and some running. I am so so thankful to my chiropractor and my trainer for all their expertise...everything they did or told me to do worked great.  I'm so happy this ordeal is almost over.

Lots of good things are happening; I'm looking forward to seeing how things turn out.  I'm feeling good about so much; not so good about a few things.  I'm working harder then ever to focus on the good things, the things that matter, the people that matter to me, and trying even harder to not make the negative things and the people that I really don't matter to a priority.

Feeling Like the Old Me Again...

What a GREAT weeks it’s been!  It’s been busy and a bit hectic at times but all in all it’s been great.  I am feeling good these days and I am so excited about it.  I’m not back to where I was by any means but I am headed straight for it. 

My back pain has been minimal all week.  It gets tight at times and I’ll get a twinge here and there throughout the day.  Still the most frustrating thing is the tingling in my leg; it frustrates the heck out of me but I am growing used to it.  Aside from being annoying, it’s affecting my balance.  That leg seems to grow tired more quickly than the other when we are working out.  I can only guess it’s because I am not using both equally.  I’m not letting it discourage me…I am fighting it and trying to use it as a motivator.  So, running, and jumping are not my favorite things to do right now because of it.  However, I’ve been taught that when I don’t like something I need to do it more; it’s time to pull out the jump rope and start the running plan again.

Speaking of running, I am shocked at how much my perspective has changed.  I never liked it because I could never do it.  I pushed myself to do it and told myself I LOVED it.  Suddenly, it was ripped out from under me and I missed it, my body missed it, my confidence missed it.  I could honestly say other than losing weight being able to improve my running the way I did was probably one of my biggest accomplishments.  Now just imagine how proud I will be if I can complete the goal I set for myself…WOW that would be amazing. With that said, I am on a mission to find something to train for, something realistic that I can start training for as I heal and something that won’t aggravate or reinjure my back.

I’m not sure, but I think I may hold off on starting the running plan until the beginning of February.  I am about to begin a steroid regimen and focus on strengthening my back.  For the next 3-4 week I will be indulging in kettle bell swings and planks.  Sounds like fun, right?  It seriously is J

What else is so great…well in case you haven’t noticed the pattern when my workouts are good and I’m feeling fab my eating is spot on.  There’s no doubt in my mind that my clean eating is also helping me with my pain, tightness, numbness, etc.  The difference eating clean makes just blows me away over and over again.  My sweet husband has made it so easy for me to get back on track.  He has had dinner ready and waiting almost every night for the past 2 weeks.  We are eating lots of grilled chicken, vegetables, salads, and drinking lots of water.  Even the boys are paying attention to what and how much they are eating.

The only crappy thing about eating so clean is hitting the Ketosis stage.  I get pretty sleepy, my mouth is dry, and I have a nasty taste in my mouth.  The worst part of all, I get a real bad case of the stupid’s.  For instance, yesterday I had to do a simple import.  I’ve been doing this import every 2 weeks for the past few years.  I tried it six times, each time I received an import error.  For the life of me I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong.  I finally got it done.  I’ve decided that whenever I hit this point I need to pay close attention while driving, maybe even avoid it if possible haha.

I also have a tendency to become a little bit more sensitive, even a bit moody at times.  I noticed this today while having a conversation right before I started working out.  Whew…the defenses were up!  But I caught myself and just let it go.  Okay so maybe the burgees and goblet squats distracted me but either way it was me being overly sensitive over no big deal.

We made our first purchase from a farm this past week; we purchased 40lbs. of chicken for about $70 from Zaycon Farms.  I can’t begin to tell you how yummy this chicken is.  I have not one regret about the purchase.  The only thing I need to do is take a closer look at the farm to see what they feed.  I really do prefer to buy from local farms as well.  However, it is a start and it has been a good experience thus far.  Although this is just my first experience, I would recommend giving this a shot.  It’s less expensive and the food is fresh…never frozen. 

I’m looking forward to the weekend, 2 of my sweet boys are heading out tomorrow evening for a 2 day retreat.  It will be just me, my husband, and my youngest.  I’m trying to think of something fun and special to do with him.  The boys are so looking forward to their first retreat to.  I am beyond thrilled that they are going and excited about it.  I am praying that it will be an awesome experience for them.

I have lots of very special prayers going out to an awesome lady who has just been faced with a challenge.  She is one of the most amazing people I know and come to love in a pretty short amount of time.  I have faith that God is going to take care of her and get her and her family through this tough time.  No doubt He will provide her with the best medical care and ensure she is surrounded by her friends and family.  Please pray for her to.

Just had a WONDERFUL dinner with some wonderful friends tonight. It’s pretty awesome when 4 people can sit at a table, with the kids quietly playing upstairs, and talk and laugh for almost 5 ½ hours…we literally had to stop ourselves because the kids fell asleep on the couches.  Look so forward to doing it again soon.

I headed to a back specialist Friday morning.  Since the MRI report I gave them was a few months old they wanted to take another x-ray.  I was VERY excited to see, and hear the doctor say that the disk is NO LONGER COMPRESSED!!!  I was so happy I even teared up.  He did said that the space is narrow and needs to open up some more so he prescribed steroids to decrease inflammation and physical therapy to strengthen my back.  Not so sure about the physical therapy…I’ll stick with the chiropractor and training.

I explained the whole compressed disk/MS thing to him and asked if he thought the tingling was from the disk.  He said that from what he can see in the x-ray and from what he read in the MRI report the areas of tingling/numbness could be affected with such symptoms.  He then added, “But that’s your neurologist’s area of expertise”.  Well, he told me what I wanted to hear then through that curve ball that put doubt in my mind.  And of course he doesn’t want me doing certain things during my workout…which I appreciate, but I think at this point we pretty much have it all figured out.

Speaking of doubt…we were just talking at dinner and we pretty much have agreed that I need a second opinion.  I am becoming more and more baffled as to how I was diagnosed so quickly when it takes others months and even years.  The more I hear and read, the more I realize that this could possibly be a misdiagnosis.  Even if it isn’t a misdiagnosis, I am not feeling comfortable with my doctor at this point and I may need to change. 

We had our first yoga class at work Friday afternoon.  I am amazed at the response we’ve had to this.  I’ve never done yoga before and, I must admit, it felt pretty good.  I was so relaxed I could have napped afterwards. I’m already looking forward to the next class.  Everyone I spoke to gave lots a great feedback and there were only 2 minor complaints that can easily be fixed.

I was feeling okay today; tired though.  I did lots of cleaning after we moved the rest of the Christmas decorations upstairs. Then I prepared for our company tonight.  It bothers me that I become tired so quickly.  It seems the more I do without rest the more numb my leg becomes.  I’m just so thankful to God that, while the numbness gets worse, it always gets better.  Now it just needs to get betterererJ

I mentioned in one of my post during the week that I was meeting with someone who is getting ready to schedule her gastric bypass surgery.  Here’s the odd thing.  I was speaking to the lady who told me about her.  I asked her if she went to her church, she responded “yes.”  She also said she was in the choir  She started describing her to me and I realized she was a lady I saw at the Christmas Eve service and I thought to myself, “I wish there was something I could do for her.”  Well, now a couple of weeks later, I will be able to try.  She has an appointment at MUSC Monday morning, and then we will meet up for lunch and talk about things.  She is having serious doubts about the surgery and is only doing it for her daughter and husband’s concerns.  I’m excited about meeting with her, I’m praying there is something I can do, or say, that will convince her to avoid the surgery and start a program that will help her.

Just sitting in bed watching Greys Anatomy and thinking about today.  It was a good day, but it was a bit painful.  I'm pretty tired and mentally drained.

First thing this morning I headed down to Comcast to do a short interview with my trainer and a local talk show host.  It was fun, I was a nervous wreck, I'm hoping it comes out okay.  It supposed to air about 21 times next week on the local cable channel.  Hopefully they will link it to her website and I can post it when its up.

My eating was great today...it feels so good to be able to say that 3 days in a row.  My workout on the other hand sucked.  It was so hard for me...my shoulders were burning.  I had to do as many rounds as possible in 8 minutes of 8 wall balls w/ a 12 or 14 lb ball, 8 ball slams w/20lb ball.  That 20 pounder did me in.  My legs were burning; especially my right leg.  The tingling is so annoying and I've had this terrible tight, burning sensation across the center of my thigh.  It slows me down, it gives me anxiety, which I think may be causing me to become winded sooner.  I'm not sure how many I ended up doing, but it wasn't much at all.  If I wasn't so excited that I could participate in a regular workout I would allow myself to get discouraged.  I am really working on fighting off those feelings

I'll be seeing a back specialist tomorrow, well I'm supposed to be anyway.  I cant locate the disk and report from the MRI...I really just want to cry right now.  I'll call the imaging place in the morning with the hopes that they can at least fax the report over.

I heard from my functional Neurologist yesterday.  He wanted to know why I was taking a certain medication; he said that it has been shown to have an effect on hormones as well as liver enzymes. Right now he's trying to figure out a plan to work either around it, or replace it with the support of your my MD. Hoping to get in and see him soon to really get things rolling.
I'm excited to talk with a lady that was sent to me who is scheduled to have bypass surgery.  We are in the process of playing phone tag.  She is having second thoughts so I'm hoping to encourage her to take the right route.  I was just a step or 2 away from making an appointment to have gastric bypass surgery...I am so thankful I didn't go through with it.  I'm praying that our conversation leads her down the right path.

Seems like so much is going on; I'm curious to see where it all ends up.

The day was kind to me; I woke up cold, tired, and not ready to head back to work after 2 weeks off.  I couldn't even open my eyes when TJ leaned over to kiss me good bye...they were burning.  But once I was up and going things went well.  The boys were slow moving but did great for the first day back to school after a long break. 

Walking back into work after time off can always be unpredictable; I'm never sure what I will find on my desk when I open the door to my office...and there were some things there but there was also a nice surprise waiting for me from a pretty amazing group of ladies that just made my morning.  It was a great start to the day.

I had lots of things to look over and needed to catch up on the "goings on" once I did it was like the vacation didn't happen.  I must admit I'm so happy to be back into my routine.  I felt good today, right from my work, to eating, to my workout.

My workout...hmmm...I'm slowly getting over the fact that I regressed so much due to my injury and/or MS (whichever is causing these darn obstacles) and my lack of willpower.  For the last 2 days, my mindset is back to where it needs to be in order for me to be successful.  It frustrates me to no end though, when I get back in that mindset, why it ever went away.  I wish I could hold onto it forever.  So I was okay with my progress today, I did the workout in a fairly decent amount of time and I was able to do burpees at the end of our training session that didn't hurt me, which make me so darn happy. 

This is something that is motivating me right now...we added a couple more programs to our wellness program at work.  I am so excited about the response.  With the new programs being implemented we have 45% participation in our facility.  I wish I could verbalize how this makes me feel.  I always had this fear that the program would come to an end; I always had an odd sense of insecurity about it.  Some might think, "whats the big deal?"  It's a HUGE deal to me for a few different reasons, one being that our wellness program and the participants play a part in my own success.  I would love for many more businesses to do something similar to what we do...it's absolutely amazing.  I've had a huge goal in mind for our wellness program and we are slowly creeping towards it.  Now that I am feeling more secure that this is a solid program and there is no reason for me to worry about it ending, I can move towards that goal more aggressively.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow, we are kicking off one of our new programs...I have a great feeling about this.  I believe it will work well for our people and once it gets started, I think we will have more people wanting to participate.

I am, however, a bit frustrated with 2 of my doctors, one being my Neurologist who I've been seeing for over 11 years.  His office is so screwed up at this point I'm considering looking for another doctor...I really need to go into HR mode and have a talk with him about this.  Then my other doctor taking days to respond to a pretty important email.

I made an appointment with a back specialist today; I'll be seeing him Friday.  I'm not thrilled about having to do this, but the pain is so bad a lot of the time that it is, not only limiting me, but it is so freak'n discouraging. And, since my neurologist is convinced that the numbness in my leg is from the MS and my Chiropractor said it's from my compressed disk, I would really like to hear what someone else thinks.  It really worries me that I may not know when I am having these "MS episodes".

Anyway...moving forward, feeling pretty good, and I have good things to look forward to.  Praying it stays this way...thankful it is this way.

My New Year's Resolutions...

Hmmm...well I must admit I don't have any set in stone right now...shame on me.  I still have some lose ends I never tied up from 2011.  I've decided I'm going to see a back specialist, so I need to schedule that appointment and hopefully I will get in quickly.  I'm still sorting things out with the Functional Neurologist I started seeing.  I have 2 more test I need to complete and mail in and I'm waiting to hear from him about the cost of supplements I need to take, so I feel like I am at a stand still with that.  I need to schedule appointment with my OB/GYN who I haven't seen in 2 years, missed my mammography last year, need to see a dermatologist, see the dentist to have 2 crowns done and get glasses.  Who the heck has time to make a resolution when they are too busy procrastinating  about all this other stuff...UGH!

Right now I'm grateful that Boot Camp has resumed and eating is back on track...2 huge things that make me feel so much better about life. I am especially  thankful that my back is feeling pretty good after the first workout; I stopped walking and doing sprawls because my back was so bad.  I  think the cold is making things much worse.

Well one thing I've been doing is thinking of lots of New Years resolutions for my friends.  I found myself, more then a few times, saying to people, "you know what your News Years resolution should be?"  And then I suggest one to them...haha...I hope they don't think I'm judging, and I would hope they love me enough to suggest the same to me if there was something they think I need to change.

One thing that I know I want to do and start soon is share people what I am learning about becoming fit with the hopes that it will help them.  I'm thinking along the lines of a support group, sharing food logs, workouts, etc.  Just need to come up with a plan and a group.  Doing things like this will not only help others but it helps me so much.  I sort of forgot how it feels, but I know that when I was involved with others, I absolutely LOVED it.

So, no resolutions at this point, just a pretty long "to do list."