“It is through being wounded that power grows and can, in the end, become tremendous”

Did anyone catch on to what happened yesterday?  As you were reading my blog post about my half marathon, did you realize what I realized when I read it over today?  I’m done…it’s over.  My “weight loss” journey has come to an end.  I am no longer a “wide load narrowing” and there is no reason to “approach with caution”.  Crossing the finish line yesterday was not only about finishing 13.1 miles, it was about completing a journey.  That finish line ended a chapter in my life. 

How do I know?

·         “Wide Load Narrowing”...this was based on the obvious; I was morbidly obese for most of my life; I am NO LONGER MORBIDLY OBESE.          

·         “Approach With Caution”…When I started this journey I was so “broken” and as I continued to lose weight more was revealed which caused my emotional state to spiral out of control.  My outlet during these revelations was amazing; like no other I ever experienced.  I had someone who cared to listen, I was encouraged to talk things out which forced me to deal with things as they unfolded; this started the healing process. 

Today, I am no longer broken, I’m healing.  Approach me…let me give back to you, or anyone else, what was given to me, what I was blessed with; a strong support system, true friendship, love, kindness, someone to listen, someone to guide me, someone to be so honest with me that it hurt.

Although I thanked many often, I thanked them whole heartedly in yesterday’s blog post.  It sounds as if I am saying goodbye…but not goodbye to them, goodbye to this.

·         Meeting Melissa and not talking about my journey yesterday spoke loudest to me.  I ALWAYS bring up in some way, shape, or form my weight loss…I can’t remember a time that I didn't.  Yesterday I was silenced for some reason that was beyond my understanding. Something compelled me to listen, not speak, as others did for me during my journey.

What does this mean?  Am I never going to “diet” again?  Yes, that’s what it means; I am never going to diet again!  My life has changed, my reasons are different, and a lifestyle of clean eating and intense exercise MUST complete its evolution.  It is now my main focus, it can’t linger any longer simply because of this MS diagnosis.

I still want to inspire others.  More than anything I want to help them with their own journey not just talk about my own and inspire them with my accomplishments.  I need to focus on this, I’m not sure where to go with this or how to do it but I feel compelled to do it. 

I experienced what it was like last year for a while.  It was amazing, it made me happy, I felt complete, in a professional sense, for the first time ever and when it was gone I missed it, I still do.  I feel sad not having this opportunity any longer.

I realized during that time that I am a “doer” and I can do good things for others when I believe in a person and their philosophies.  It’s time for me to throw myself out there again and see if there are others out there like this and if there is a need for me.  I’ll be praying hard for guidance, opportunity, and acceptance.  Not only will this give me the opportunity to help others it will help me; this will keep me on track and accountable.  I’m very grateful for being introduced and given the opportunity to dabble in the professional side of the fitness world for a short while; it’s time to make some connections to get involved again.  I want the fitness journey to be about someone else, not about me. 

There’s a part of me that’s sad to end this blog, I can cry knowing these are the final word I will type, but I am more excited.  This just didn’t end, I finished it.  It wasn’t ripped out from under me, I am closing it.  I’m ready to move on and take everything I learned with me.