A picked the perfect day to stay home from work.  For one thing, it was absolutely beautiful outside.  I left the house at 10AM and didn’t return home until 9PM.Being outside and out of work was good since I am baring a heavy heart today.  There are a couple of things that are weighing it down right now but the anniversary of 9/11 has really added to it. Spending time alone,out and about gave me time to think and pray about a few of things.

I was watching the Today show this morning as they were reliving what happened.  I was literally sick to my stomach as I was sobbing.  Every time I watch those planes hit and see those towers crumble I feel as though those poor people are dying over and over again.  It’s completely heartbreaking.  A friend of mine has posted pictures of memorials for his brother who died that day.    Another friend who died that day is honored annually with a golf tournament; he was a firefighter.  It’s comforting to know that so many people are honoring them and holding true to their promise to never forget.

I was able to spend some time with a sweet, funny, crazy, “spoiled brat” today.  We had such a nice time and a good long talk.  She and her family are leaving town next week.  We became close when we realized how much we have in common; I’m really going to miss her L  But…I am looking forward to another night out with her and the rest of our Boot Camp group.

I’ve been praying for many things lately; my most important request is for the peace and comfort for a sweet child who is fighting for her life. Although I know of many who are praying for her, I’m afraid that it just won’t be enough, but keep praying, we will because I believe in miracles...

I’m hoping to release some of this heavy heartedness I have during my run tomorrow morning.  I can’t wait to do it!  My legs are feeling so much better today; so much so that I seriously considered running this morning but I knew the best thing was to do as I was told and wait until Saturday.  After the run it’s off to Edisto for the afternoon then back home to clean up then head out with some great people who, will undoubtedly, make me smile.

As the date of the half marathon nears I’m finding that I doubt myself more and more.  I’m not sure what in the world I was thinking when I signed up for this haha.  Is it normal to feel this way?  I’ve gotten some good advice from a co-worker whose done marathons and triathlons and who is doing an Iron Man the same weekend I do the half.

I don’t think I’ll be able to run the entire distance, the entire time.  I was hoping I could, but I don’t see it happening.  I know I set my expectations kind of high, but aren’t we supposed to do that to motivate and push ourselves harder? 

I think the only thing that’s making me feel better at this point is that I committed to doing this and I’m working towards it.  I set a goal to lose 20 lbs. before the event and I lost 23lbs at the half way point, I learned to run and I learned to like it to, I even look forward to my runs.  Well, even if I don’t do as well as I wanted to, I think lots of good things came out of preparing for this.

I’m not planning to run again until Saturday.  My legs have been sore but they are feeling better today.  We worked on upper body today, tomorrow I’ll take the day off then run Saturday morning.  I’m hoping the break that my legs are getting will help get my workout back to where they were.  I think the pain slowed me down; it was definitely a distraction that’s for sure.

The eating has been good…at this point I have to put more effort into cheating then preparing for healthier eating.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s easy to cheat, my point is that when I prepare for meals, it’s effortless since I made this lifestyle change.  I don’t have to rack my brains trying to figure what I need to eat.

Yesterday was our 13^th wedding anniversary; we had a nice day, a great dinner, and spent some quiet time alone together. The boys were telling us we need to go out and do something fun…haha…they are so funny; I think they just try to get rid of us sometimes. J

I’m becoming a bit concerned about the pain in my legs.  The soreness is unbearable this evening.  I had to leave Justin’s baseball practice because I was so uncomfortable sitting down and I wanted to get home and get on the foam roller and lacrosse ball.  Well, the foam roller was out of the question.  I couldn’t stay on there for more than about 30 seconds.  I was literally in tears.  My right leg is throbbing now.  Usually, while doing this, it is very painful, but once I’m done it feels pretty good; not tonight for some reason.  We talked about fish oil today and increasing it.  No doubt this will help with pain, so I’ll be ordering lots this week.

Today’s workout was pretty good, during the workout we were trying to correct my squats…I didn’t realize what a mess they were haha.  We had a few laughs over that.  I was trying too hard and over thinking it way to much that m lower back and knee started to hurt a bit haha.

Eating went real well today; the weekend was a bit rough but I got through it.  Running was off this weekend as well.  I’m planning to run again Thursday night or Friday morning.  I’m really looking forward to doing this without any pain…fingers crossed.

I’ve been reading a book by Joyce Meyer called Battlefield of the Mind.  Amazing how you can read something and feel as if the book was written just for you.  I’m really learning lots about myself and how to handle and redirect my thoughts.  One thing I learned while reading last night was that I am a “worry addict”.  How crazy is that?  It specifically says in the book, “if they do not have something of their own to worry about, they will worry over someone else’s situation.”  That is exactly what I do.  It then goes on to say that, “It is absolutely impossible to worry and live in peace at the same time”.  I never thought about it this way, yet it is so obvious.  I always prayed for peace of mind, which I rarely had.  Now I understand why, I couldn’t stop the worrying.  It’s almost like a comfort zone since I made it such an important part of my life…that just sounds crazy.  Oh well…moving forward and not worrying; well working on it anyway J 

Tomorrow is our 13^th wedding anniversary…I can’t believe how quickly that went. It’s times like this that I realize how time flies by and I realize that there is no time for tears, anger, bitterness and all those fun negative things in life I would allow to dictate my day.  I love the changes I’m making and how I’ve been feeling about my life.  I’m so thankful to God that TJ and I are able to work through our differences, talk about changes, laugh, love and be happy whether it’s just the 2 of us or the 5 us.  He has accepted so many changes because of me over the past two and half years; changes that affected our relationship, our boys, our lives in almost every way.  He stuck with me, supported me, kept me grounded, and loved me unconditionally. I could never thank him enough for all he does for our family.  Happy anniversary TJ!

Still praying for comfort and peace for a sweet little girl who is still fighting hard.  Please keep her and her family in your prayers; they are in need now more than ever.

Philippians 1:27a "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ."

I feel like I need to blog, and I really want to, but I have some thing going through my mind that are more negative then positive.  Thoughts questioning others, their motives, maybe even their integrity.  I'm not sure how to handle these things, do I let it go, do I ask questions?  I to often leave things alone which either makes things worse for me or it just sends the message that they are getting away with something.

For as much as I think I am a pretty good judge of character, I find that I have been doubting myself lately.  Things like this stress me out; this and a few other things that happened over the weekend.

But, for the most part the weekend was good; relaxing.  I slept through my running date; when I didn't show up Val and Jenn ran to my house to get me, but I slept through that part to.  Spent some time with friends during a birthday party which made for a very nice afternoon. We had a Fantasy Football draft get together this evening which was lots of fun.  I'm looking forward to this, its a new experience for me.  Had a good, long lunch date with a friend.  We talked and even cried a little over running, of all things haha.

I've been struggling with pain in my legs this weekend.  We did Zumba at work on Friday which just about killed me.  I cant believe with all the things I do between working out and running during the week that Zumba actually does this to me.  Been stretching, rolling, and lacrosse balling but its still hurts.  I think I may need to head back to that adorable little chiropractor for help so I can get through the half marathon.

I'm looking forward to a nice, quiet week and praying hard for a sweet little girl who is in need of comfort and peace,

It's been quite a day.  We started with baseball practice for Justin...he did great!  I'm so proud of him.  We headed home and cleaned the house a bit, showered, then headed out for a sweet little boy's birthday party.  After that it was back to the house, a friend stopped by, we watched a real sweet movie called "Something Borrowed" then talked and cried.  Much sadness is on the horizon for a dear family; praying so hard for a miracle.

Having hip pain throughout yesterday and today.  It's not a steady pain but more of a quick stabbing pain.  I think I just may be falling apart haha.  I tried to run last night but it wouldn't work, there was pain and I was worried about making it worse. 

Keeping so many in my prayers tonight, especially one sweet child. 

Yay!

I received an email today that I am very excited about!  For a while now I have felt compelled to become involved with some sort of charity; having done this before I was unsure if I should go back to one that I previously worked with or if I should find something new.  Well, over the past couple of years I’ve developed a passion for something that has completely transformed me in so many ways (can you guess what that would be?J)

I wasn’t quite sure where to begin; I looked into charities to get involved with through work, thought about going back with Habitat for Humanity, talked about doing a fundraiser with others, but nothing ever really happened…clearly it wasn’t supposed to be.

Well, when we were at MUSC for Justin’s appointment last week, his doctor recommended I contact and organization that works with kids who are obese. I called them to get more information only to find out we don’t qualify for the program because of our income.  So at that point I knew the organization couldn't help me, but could I help them?  Why not? Organizations like that are always looking for volunteers, right? RIGHT!

She went on to tell me that they need volunteers to do all kinds of stuff; nothing that had to do with working directly with the kids though.  I told her that’s what I wanted.  So she told me about 2 programs they have.  One is underway and on-going and the other was still up in the air.  They were waiting for a date and school to hold the program at.  This is a portion of what she e-mailed me today:

Hi Maria, thank you for your call this week and your email. And bless you for your truthful story and desire to give back. You would be great to give testimonial to our kids. As we talked about on the phone, we have a few options for volunteers – 1 – Run Buddies (on-going) or 2 – Fit Club (2 starting in January). If you would be interested in trying to fit a night a week at Fit Club into your schedule, I will send you to our Program Director for that and y’all will work together to come up with a plan. If Run Buddies interests you, you sign up directly on the web site and www.runbuddies.org. I believe we touched on Saturday morning workouts on the phone...? We haven’t decided anything on the when and where moving forward with that yet so have nothing to share. :-)

How great is this!  I can’t wait to find out what the next step is.  I responded and told her I wanted to get involved with The Fit Club program and Saturday morning workouts so now I am waiting to hear what it is I need to do to prepare and plan.  Here’s the link for some information on the Fit Club…

http://www.louieskids.org/help/fit-club.cfm

Today has been a great day.  I’m so grateful that this opportunity has popped up and I’m praying it all works out.  I think I may gain as much out of this if not more, than the kids.  I am so grateful to God for what he has blessed me with and even more grateful that I am in place in my life where I now recognize how blessed I truly am.

Feeling somewhat happy that the day come to an end.  It was stressful and caused lots of distraction, It ended well though; Justin had to work on a timeline project for school.  We pulled out lots of photo albums, sat on our bed and looked through them with the boys.  It was so much FUN! It was a great distraction from reality. The boys were so cute looking through them.  This was absolutely the bright spot in my day.  We need to do this more often.  Its amazing to see how much the kids have grown and how much we have changed. 

Looking forward to a nice long weekend that will consist of relaxation, house work, a sweet little boys birthday, Worship Team auditions, church, softball practice, and a fantasy football draft...hmmm, I didn't realize we were that busy.

Our Boot Camp challenge has ended; it was a great experience.  Today was my first day off and I had some candy corn...its too early to put out Halloween candy!  Talk about a sugar rush...wow!  Have straight sugar in the form of a tri-colored cone after eating so clean can be dangerous haha.  I haven't done a fast in a while; I'm thinking about doing one Sunday or maybe even Saturday...we'll see how the weekend goes.