Monday Monday...Blah!

Is it Monday already?  I can’t believe how quickly the weekend went by; it’s all a blur at this point.  I didn’t feel well this weekend.  My Diverticulitis was acting up…horrible.  I did what I could to push through it but it makes everything I do so uncomfortable.  I feel so weak when it flairs up.  I feel the need to eat but anything I do eat seems to make it worse.  The bloating is unreal…GEEZ!  I felt better today, but not 100% by any means.  I felt drained, couldn’t get enough water, and real tired…needless to say this did not help with my workout.

Speaking of today’s work out…OIY!  It was too hot.  The 4 of us that worked out were about to die.  It was terrible.  I’m not sure how I’ll get through the summer.  Although it drained me and I felt like it wasn’t a great workout, I am content knowing I did something.  I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s workout, feeling much better, and really pushing myself.

We had out last softball game of the season Sunday so we are done till the fall.  When TJ first asked me to join the team I was hesitant because I never played before.  This was the second season I played and I enjoyed it more than the first.  I’m already looking forward to the next!

I had a real tough day today.  I fought with myself not to overeat.  I am SOOOO hungry, not sure why.  I’m satisfied with the control I had; my eating wasn’t too bad, just sort of sporadic.  I still struggle with why I get this way…it’s so discouraging for me.  I feel like I’ve run out of solutions and how to handle.  There’s a part of me that temporarily just gives up.  We are just about half way through the year and I feel like I made little progress.  It’s just so frustrating at this point.  I need something but I don’t know what it is, I’m missing something, somewhere, but I have no idea what it could be. 

When I decided to do this half marathon I told myself that running would be the focus not losing weight, with the hopes that the weight would come off while I was preparing for the run.  I’m beginning to doubt that decision since it is so important that I drop the weight to be able to run better.

My husband on the other hand is kicking butt with his weight loss right now!  I am so proud of him and very excited for him…he is on a roll!!!  He’s got to be close to his 20lbs mark.  He is eating great and getting in cardio throughout the week…Nice work TJ!!!!  My boys are all focused on eating better as well.  They are making better choices.  I just have to keep them active throughout the summer.

Still keeping a few great people in my prayers.  It breaks my heart to see how some struggle.  For my own sake, I need to pray for them and not let the challenges they face affect me.  This is going to be such a tough thing for me to change.

F.R.I.D.A.Y!

I am so grateful to God today for blessing us with the most amazing day of the week…FRIDAY!!  What a week it’s been.  I totally went into emotion overload.  It was one of those weeks where I just didn’t know how to feel.  I felt so drained this week; at one point during the week, I had my head in my hands and actually fell asleep.

There have been many great people in my prayers this week who are facing challenges.  I find comfort in believing that all will be fine through the grace of God. I truly believe things will be even better.  God has blessed me with wonderful people.  An even better blessing is that I am able to get close to so many.  It’s so amazing to be able to do this.  The downfall, at times, is that I truly hurt for them.  It’s hard for me to keep my composure when I need to be supportive.  I have difficulty sleeping sometimes wondering how they are doing when they are alone.  

I think I feel the pain of others so often because my own experiences.  I had a friend who I was close to who seemed to be experiencing a stretch of loneliness.  During that time I was literally sick to my stomach for them; I even lost sleep at night wondering if they were ok.  The idea of someone I cared so much about feeling alone is so upsetting for me.  This even happens with some I don’t know; when I see an obese person walking alone I automatically get a rush of feelings of rejection.  If I see an obese person eating alone and eating a lot I feel depression.  If I see an obese person with a group of people I get feelings of discomfort and even alienation, even when in a group...Wow…maybe I need to get back into therapy this sounds worse than I thought J

I love that I can feel for people; its part of what defines me.  I just wish I could help them more, be there more, tell them I care, give them a big hug to let them know things will be fine if they just hang in there.  I never feel that what I do is enough.  Here’s what I don’t understand…why is it me who feels alone, almost deserted at times, when someone I want so much for is  finally content?

Craziness!  So much going on everywhere!  Looking forward to peace of mind, for myself and others.

Today belonged to Justin!  He started physical and occupational therapy.  He did great! Justin went to physical therapy prior to working with his first personal trainer.  He struggled quite a bit with the exercises and with his self-confidence.  When he went for his evaluation they were so pleased with his progress since he stopped over a year ago.  His first trainer did such a great job with him that we felt he was getting more out of his personal training sessions than his PT sessions so we stopped doing PT for a while.  I really think his success today was due to maturity, self-confidence, and great personal training.  There is such a huge difference in this child.  I am so proud of his accomplishments and so grateful for the people who are helping him. And to top off his day, he had his voice lesson.  No matter how tired he is or what kind of a crazy day he has he is beaming after his lesson (AMEN to that!)

Today’s workout was good.  I think I did okay with it. My shoulder seems to be acting up again L but I am determined to push through.  The pain doesn’t last; it’s more of a sudden sharp pain that causes soreness.  Since I never know when the pain will strike I find that I am erring on the side of caution during work outs, which really isn’t a good thing at all.  I’ll keep stretching and rolling around on a ball, which really does help, and if need be I can always go back to the chiropractor to have it worked on.  Time to start focusing on box jumps again; I will conquer those babies sooner than later…I hope.  Tripping over that box is my biggest fear.  I have that saying, the bigger they are, the harder they fall, stuck in my head.  I mean really, just imagine the injuries I could sustain if I tripped over a 12” box…OY!  A new pain has presented itself on the top of my foot.  I’m guessing it’s because of my poor, but improving, running. 

Not so sure I’m looking forward to what tomorrow will bring…need to do lots of praying about so many things. 

This week is off to a great start!

I really loved this day!  Things went really well from the morning to end.  My new hours started today…wonderful!  I came home from work had lunch, did some cleaning up, and watched a movie all with my boys.  I’m already looking forward to coming home early tomorrow!

Received some great news today!  TJ had a follow up doctor’s appointment and has done amazing.  His cholesterol is way down, he has lost weight, his blood pressure is good.  I am so happy, relieved, and proud of him!  He is eating great and exercising more.  I am so grateful that he is doing this for himself and our children.

My fast has been a success so far.  I will be able to eat again tomorrow at 11:00 which will is just an hour before my workout…perfect!  I will continue to do this each Sunday until the half marathon (that’s my plan anyway). 

I am really determined to get a good amount of weight off before November; I can feel improvements in my running…even my motivation to run and push myself to go further has improved.  Maybe improved isn’t the right word…let’s rephrase that and say, I now have motivation to run and push myself.  I know getting some weight off will make a huge difference.

Tonight’s workout was great.  Brent incorporated lots of running into it.  I was paired with Tammy who is an awesome runner so I was a bit intimidated by that.  She is such a wonderful person!  She slowed her pace so I could keep up with her but she pushed me and kept me going through out each run.   The last run we did was the best, we even finished first.  That was such a moment for me since I am always last J  There are times when we workout and I feel great about my performance that I just want to jump up and down for joy…that’s how I felt about this last run. 

I truly love the group I work with on Mondays. They are intense, so encouraging, supportive and FUN!

Brent told me I needed to be more positive about running (I was so negative about it), so I pushed myself to be the first few weeks (It was tough but I did it).  Now, I find that I don’t need to push myself to be positive about running any more.  It’s just there now.  I think I’m developing some confidence with my running just because I can see and feel a difference and I’m hearing positive feedback from others. (Looks like Brent may be right about this...It's a good thing I always listen to him) J 

It has been a full weekend.  I am pooped.  Friday night Nick had some friends over from the club he is in at school.  WOW!  Were they loud.  They all seemed to have a good time.  It turned out to be quite an experience for Tj ha ha.

I barely slept Friday night and hardly ate through out the day Saturday.  I felt really out of sorts and exhausted.

Last night Joe had a couple of friends over.  All the boys had a good time together.; all 6 of them...Yikes!
Joe, Justin, and 2 of Joe's friends took a walk to the park, which is just 2 blocks away, to play for about 30 minutes before dinner.  On their way back to the house, a  car pulled up a long side of them and stopped.  in the car were 4 men.  The driver, as he was reaching toward the back seat, said to one of the other guys , give me that gun.  With that, Justin took off running and Joe and his other friend stood there.  The guys ended up taking off.  The boys were so shaken from this.  We of course called the police and filed a report.  Although this situation was pretty upsetting, hearing these 4 boys tell the police what happened was pretty amusing; even the officer had a tough time keeping a straight face.  After the questioning, as the police officer stood up to leave, one of Joe's friends said the, "By the way, none of the men in the car had their seat belts on, except for the driver." 

Went to the beach this weekend for a workout.  Geez Louise!  My legs are beyond tight today; I can't remember the last time they felt like this. I was in so much pain playing softball today.  I was catching so I was squatting a good part of the game...which did eventually help...but it really hurt in the beginning.  I kept feeling this terrible pulling behind my knee. I can only assume it's from the sand. We did lots of running...it's a good thing I've developed a love for it. I will say this, there's nothing like coming home from a grueling workout and receiving an encouraging email from your trainer...it truly makes all the difference for me, and many others, I know when struggling with something.

I'm not sure if I developed a true love for running though.  I think it's more like when a guy, or even a girl in some cases, is attracted to someone and they date mainly to have sex with them.  Once they get it from them, they dump them; they date them more for the challenge.  I think once I get this half marathon done, I'm dumping running ha ha.  Either that will happen or I may just keep doing it because I accidentally fell  for it...we will soon see.  It's exactly 5 months from today.

My eating was okay this weekend to.  Starting today, each Sunday I will do an 18 hour fast.  I haven't fasted in a while, so the first couple of weeks will be a challenge but I really feel pretty good when I do it.  Along with that I will be back to strict Paleo and avoiding pork. The key for me is not to think about.  I have found that when I am on track with my eating I automatically revert back to clean eating anyway so....

Looking forward to hearing back about some things pending.  So much going on but so little to say about them.  I get anxiety from just thinking about the change that may come.  I need to not focus on what may be and stay focused on the here and now...take everything else as it comes.  Whatever happens is God's will...I can only pray and be faithful that all will be fine.

It's been a long day...

From the second we woke up we haven't stopped moving; I'm feeling sort of sad that schools out, but probably more happy than sad that it is.  Joe graduated today, we are so proud of im.  He also received a few awards.  Joe made the Principles List and Justin made the Honor Roll.  We didn't get Nick's report card yet, I believe they are being emailed to us, but from what I can see online he should have done real well, with the exception of Latin, we're expecting a "D"...okay maybe we're hoping for a "D" instead of an "F".

After the ceremonies we met at the pool and hung out with a bunch of friends.  We had a real nice time today.  What makes it even better was that I was able to stay focused on the days festivities and remain distracted from some other things...which I'm still not wanting to think about so....moving on.

Well, I am SO sore today from yesterday grueling, but great, workouts.  I missed my workout today...missed as in didnt make and missed as in "crap I hate to miss it".  Hmmm....as I'm typing this I just remembered a group of people at work wanted to start doing Friday workouts together during lunch.  I'll have to find out if they are still interested...I think I may have to get a workout in tomorrow at lunch time to make up for the time missed today.

Eating was off today.  It wasn't horrible but there were a couple of cheats in there.  Poor planning and no preperation did me in...that'll get me everytime.  Back on track tomorrow though.  Tj is still doing great with his eating...he's doing so well! He'll have his cheat meal then get right back on track...that's huge for us.  usually it takes a couple of days for us to get back on track after a cheat meal.

Nick has informed us that he doesn't want McDonalds because if he has a zit it will make it worse because there's too much fat in McDonalds burgers.  So, today, because it was such a hectic day, we brought home McDonalds.  Nick was upset that we got it and asked why not just make asparagus?  How cool is it when a pre-teen asks for asparagus instead of McDonalds?

I am exhausted...was up for a few hours early this morning.  Hoping that when I my head hits the pillow it will stay there and not wake up before it's supposed to.

So happy to be sitting in bed resting.  Its been quite a day! The morning went pretty well which is usually a good sign that the entire day will go well. I had my one-on-one work out earlier than usual today for 30 minutes than we did a group workout immeditely after for an hour...WOW...it was a pretty intense, painful 90 minutes; but it was GREAT!  I wish I had that workout at the end of the day to release all the stress that developed afterwards.

My emotions were still pretty strong today.  I was on the verge of tears a few times this afternoon.  There's so much going on right now.  Had a meeting today that involves a life changing decision.  I won't have any answers until tomorrow or Friday so I'm trying not to think about it.Its just tough for me to put something out of my mind that could have a huge impact on my life as well as the life of others.  Unfortunately, this is one of those things where push comes to shove and changes must be made. 

I received a good slap back into realty which may have left another bruise, today.  I have so much work to do on myself and I'm working at it, but it just seems to take so long.  The amount of time it takes and what seems to be setbacks is disapointing to me and when I disapoint myself I feel as though I do the same to others.  I will keep working on this though...I know in my heart there have been positive changes, I see them and feel them in myself; they just might not be visible to others yet.

Tomorrow will be a happy happy day!  That will distract me from everything else that's going on.  It's Joe' birthday and he is graduating elementary school.  I am so proud of that sweet, funny, DRAMATIC little man.  Who, by the way, saw a video in school yesterday about how boys mature physically...wish I recorded the conversation we had about that haha.  Just love him to no end.   It's also the last day of school...it's going to be a summer of change for sure...should be a very interesting ride! 

I have so much praying to do...